[mattea]

i don't know exactly what i'm looking for with this post - i guess just some support!

i just visited my boyfriend for the weekend and it was sooo wonderful. we spent time alone and also went out with some of his friends and had a barbecue with his family and friends. it was just such a great weekend, and it would be nice if i just felt satisfied and happy we had that time together. but really it is just so hard to have to get on a plane and fly away after having that little bit of time together.

i know we're lucky as we manage to see each other about once a month, even though it is often brief. some people live so far away and can't do that. but it is really hard for me having had that little experience of sharing in each other's lives in person, only to just have to go back to our separate lives.

i live in a beautiful place, have amazing friends who i get together with often, have a good job and have plenty of interests. i do all the things i "should" do to keep my life full, but it is still so hard sometimes. i want us to share in each other's lives regularly and in person, and it will probably be a couple of years before that happens.

i think it is a lot harder for me than it is for him because he's such an "in the moment" person. for example, when i asked him if he was looking forward to a camping trip he has planned for this coming weekend, he said he wasn't thinking that far ahead. also, he's insanely busy due to law school. insanely! i do try to keep myself busy, but i don't think i could handle filling my life up *that* much just to try to distract myself. i need down time.

i just feel like our life together is "on hold" for two years for the most part, and it is hard for me. i love him and i know he loves me and i don't plan on walking away or anything, but sometimes the uncertainties and the distance are really hard.

i know i'm not alone here in these feelings. guess i just needed to "get it out" in a place where i bet people will really understand!

[EMBeee]

I completely understand your post. I too have the "uncertainties" and the "what ifs" that run through my mind. You're lucky you get to see each other every month. I am going to see mine july then in august again... I saw him last in april but after august, I'm gonna leave it up to him since I won't be able to afford going there every month after that. If he can't make it to see me... I don't know if I can continue because I have such a hard time dealing with goodbyes. I can't keep "killing" myself every time I have to leave him. So if he can't put in the effort to see me after august, I either have to end it or see what happens or not go to see him for a looooong time after that to save up for another plane ticket since they keep going up and now there's a million "hidden" fees they keep tacking on. So, like i've said before... I hope my LDR works out (I hope yours does too). I am hoping of a future where he and I can "live" together... it's just extremely difficult with children on both of our ends and 1200 miles that separate us. I don't know how I can deal with this much longer. But I will NEVER try to get into another LDR if mine doesn't work out... too much pain and worries and not much talking and intimacy - all things that I really need. Take Care!

[EMBeee]

Don't get me wrong, my LD bf is totally worth it!! I would go the extra mile for him, I would crawl on my hands and knees if there was no other way to get to him... I just don't know what he feels for me because we don't talk as much anymore and at times I feel like he's lost his interest in me and I just feel like I do all the work... so that is where my uncertainty comes into play.

[HidingMe]

I know what you are going through mattea... LDR's are hard. I read so much on LS about long distance couples that only get to see each other once a month (like you two) or even less (like EMBeee) and that makes me feel like I need to appreciate my situation even more. I guess I'm lucky compared to some of you... we live an hour away and generally see each other 2 to 3 nights per week.

I smiled when I read about your weekend... that's exactly how mine was. We went to the lake on Saturday and it was wonderful but time moves too quick. The goodbye's are always so difficult. My guy sounds like yours a little... he doesn't think too far ahead about plans either whereas me thinking about our plans is what gets me through the week

Hang in there. Keep doing what you are doing... stay busy with your life and your friends. If you have a great guy then he is worth the distance.. just remember that when you're missing him

[mattea]

thanks for the responses guys.

man, it just gets harder.

we had two tentative plans. both my idea. one was to spend 4th of july together. he is going to be camping with friends for a week and will be about a 3-4 hour drive away (normally we're a 2 hour flight apart). i asked that he come back to the city from the camping trip a day early so i could drive down and spend the 4th with him. it isn't going to happen because his friend has this trip all planned out, etc., etc. i would have gone on this camping trip with them but i couldn't get out of work.

the other tentative plan was a large trip that he and i were talking of taking in august. my grandfather lives out of the country (i'm in the US, he is in central america) and i'd hoped the two of us could go and visit him and travel a little. but after a long time (a couple of months) of talking about it and trying to figure it out, he decided he just won't have enough time off with all of his school commitments. so i just got his definite "no" to that trip too. i knew it was quite possible that he would say that, and i thought i was prepared for the disappointment, but i still just feel really let down.

my frustration and sadness over this is really just intense right now. i don't want to be angry at him and i'm not because i know that he is in law school and has all kinds of responsibilities and that if he could go he would. but the truth is, i still feel hurt and just really frustrated with the situation.

we can't share our lives in person in a regular way, and it is really hard for me. i hate going there and just to get on a plane and go back to our separate lives for 95% of our time. sure, we are in contact, but it isn't the same. and then trying to find more space and time for us to get together just seems really difficult.

i'm just feeling really down.

[tryingtomagnum]

i would say, just be glad you get to see him at all. i don't ever get to see my girlfriend. it's been over 6 months already, and there's still a lot of time left before i see her. a lot. i would be ecstatic if i could see her once a month, don't take the time you spend together for granted, not even the slightest bit. be happy you have the time together at all, and cherish it.

[torranceshipman]

Just make sure his reasons for not making these trips are 100% genuine...4 July is a big celebration and a chance to be with loved ones and he planned a camping trip instead...I know law school is busy but its not a 24/7 commitment-I feel like he could be making more time for you here.

How often does he come to you, or do you usually go to him? And are you 2 clear about exclusivity, etc?