My ex and I had been together for 3 years off and on. It was his fault that we lost touch for 6 months at one point. He just all of a sudden stopped contacting me. Later, he said it was because he was giving me space to "do my own thing" ....we had been long distance for those 3 years and only saw one another in person like twice a year. I can honestly say, it was more of an emotional relationship since we did not have physical contact very often.
Anyways, rewinding back to those 6 months where he stopped talking...I was so hurt, that I told myself I was just going to start dating and see if there was anyone that treated me better in my town where I lived. This was after trying numerous times to contact my ex..which did not work.
So, anyways I met someone here and we dated..fell in love and now Im married. My ex decided he would get back in touch last week and was furious that I was married. He said it was my fault and that if I loved him, I would never have married anyone. He feels this marriage was a rebound from him.
I will admit I am struggling emotionally because he was my first and I wanted very much to be with my ex. But whats done is done. But I still miss my ex.
I have been talking to him here and there..but it only leaves me more emotionally confused. I dont want to jeopardize my marriage. What do I do?
I have been talking to him here and there..but it only leaves me more emotionally confused. I dont want to jeopardize my marriage. What do I do?
This is simple...NOT easy...but simple.
Reread what I quoted above. Simple logic...talking to your ex leaves you emotionally confused. You don't want to jeopardize your marriage. SO...
Stop talking to your ex.
Go complete NC (no contact) with him at all. Ex's are the most common OM/OW that endangers a marriage. You're aware of this risk already, or you wouldn't be posting here.
So...tell him that you're married, and no longer want to continue with him. TELL him not to contact you anymore. Change email/IM/cell phone information if you need to in order to ensure the contact remains broken.
If you don't...the odds are VERY high that you're going to fall back into an emotional relationship with your ex...aka, an emotional affair.
See...its a simple solution. Perhaps not easy (at first, anyway)...but simple. And the longer you do it, the EASIER it will become.
__________________
"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
Welcome to VEGAS BABY! " --Tomcat33, May 21, 2008
"Just don't cry when the odds beat YOU" Owl, Sep 08
I will admit I am struggling emotionally because he was my first and I wanted very much to be with my ex. But whats done is done. But I still miss my ex.
Then you shouldn't have gotten married. Already you are not being fair to your current husband.
Quote:
I have been talking to him here and there..but it only leaves me more emotionally confused. I dont want to jeopardize my marriage. What do I do?
Why are you talking to your X when you just got married?? What do you do? You tell your X that you never want to talk to him or see him again for the sake of your marriage.
If you aren't willing to do that, then get an anullment because it is basically emotional cheating.
If you did rush into this marriage as a rebound (or some form of 'revenge' against the ex?), then you owe it to YOURSELF, first and foremost, to get out of the marriage.
There is no point compounding one mistake (if your marriage is that -- and only YOU can decide if it is) by not correcting it.
If it is that you simply haven't gotten over your "first love" yet, then stop communicating with him and undertake to put your feelings for/about that relationship in the past.
Yes, you do also have a responsibility to your current husband. And it is also your choice about what type of person you will be in relationship with him.
__________________
"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
My ex and I had been together for 3 years off and on. It was his fault that we lost touch for 6 months at one point. He just all of a sudden stopped contacting me. Later, he said it was because he was giving me space to "do my own thing" ....we had been long distance for those 3 years and only saw one another in person like twice a year. I can honestly say, it was more of an emotional relationship since we did not have physical contact very often.
Anyways, rewinding back to those 6 months where he stopped talking...I was so hurt, that I told myself I was just going to start dating and see if there was anyone that treated me better in my town where I lived. This was after trying numerous times to contact my ex..which did not work.
So, anyways I met someone here and we dated..fell in love and now Im married. My ex decided he would get back in touch last week and was furious that I was married. He said it was my fault and that if I loved him, I would never have married anyone. He feels this marriage was a rebound from him.
I will admit I am struggling emotionally because he was my first and I wanted very much to be with my ex. But whats done is done. But I still miss my ex.
I have been talking to him here and there..but it only leaves me more emotionally confused. I dont want to jeopardize my marriage. What do I do?
Tell the jerk (ex) to take a running long jump off a very short pier
then go total NC and concentrate on the man you have who DOES love you........sheesh
Then you shouldn't have gotten married. Already you are not being fair to your current husband.
Why are you talking to your X when you just got married?? What do you do? You tell your X that you never want to talk to him or see him again for the sake of your marriage.
If you aren't willing to do that, then get an anullment because it is basically emotional cheating.
You need to give that titanium girdle of yours a break! *snap snap b!tch pose*
Either break off all contact with this other guy (no phone calls, emails, or instant messages) or divorce your husband. He derserves a person who is committed to him 100%. If you can't do that then set him free.
And yes it's cheating. You're hiding it right? Your husband doesn't know you're contacting this ex does he? If you feel the need to lie to your husband then you know what you're doing is inappropriate. So deep down you know its cheating. If the roles were reversed I'm sure you'd consider it cheating and would expect him to be honest with you and break off all contact with the ex.
Tell your husband. If you respect him you will be honest with him. It will also make it easier to go no contact.
I'm reading this and I see people telling her she should leave the marriage. I think she should seek counseling because this ex of hers sounds like he views her as an obect that he can pick up and play with whenever he wants. If this is the kind of guy she is attracted to, she needs to work on herself. Then, maybe she can appreciate the man she married.
And hey - who in the world meets, falls in love and gets married in 6 months? Recipe for disaster there, too.
Me. We celebrate our 21st anniversary in a couple of months.
There are exceptions to every rule. We just have to remember that we can't KNOW that something is an exception until it proves that its one...and so until its proved otherwise, everything is treated as the rule, rather than the exception.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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