Well, the bf situation is to be expected. BUT telling your daughter to keep secrets from you no matter what they are , needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. This can become habit for divorced parents , and a terrible one that causes many a problem. It's not your daughter's responsibility to keep secrets from or for either of you .
I would bring this up with your STBXW and make it an issue in the divorce if need be. Seriously, Mom telling your daughter to hide her bf's existence from you could very plausibly turn into Mom telling daughter not to disclose her meth addiction to you . Its just a matter of degrees and habit formed.
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it's easy to feel beaten down by logic. -Quankanne
Gotta agree with Tink, your STBXW advising your wife to lie about her relationship with the BF is not a good thing.
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are the norm when people break up. Usually they are present before the break up. You will have to just suck it up and ignore it as best you can. Believe me, it happens to everyone here.
Daughter was told not to tell me but said she couldn't keep it from me.
I would try to find an article or book about how this type of thing can be harmful to children of divorce, and give it to STBX...without specifically mentioning that Daughter has "broken a confidence".
And/Or.
At least ensure Daughter understands that SHE did not do anything wrong in telling you...Mom's request was just a little misguided and probably intended so that you would not feel hurt (whatever is age-appropriate and helps to keep your daughter's world as orderly and peaceful as possible.)
Best of luck.
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"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." ~ Andy Warhol
Just found out who her boyfriend is, he works with her and I have actually been out with him and lots from her company in the past. She did talk about him before the split, makes you wonder if something was perhaps going on before. Interesting!
OMOA, I'm in a retrospective mood today, so I'll ramble a little.
As others have said, and others will undoubtedly say in the future your wife's actions were predictable. Most women leaving a relationship have a replacement waiting in the wings. There are as many reasons for this happening as there are people's opinions. Regardless, it's predictable.
I learned this lesson when my 25 year marriage went up in smoke.
I've also seen versions of it while dating in the past seven years. When a dating relationship I was in came to an end, (over the protests of the lady) I was amused (truely amused) to find that she had another BF and was both engaged and married three months later. I thought it was funny. She actually thought I would be jealous!
When the situation happens to you again, and the probabilities are that it will, you will be better prepared (hopefully). I was born 58 years ago. The things I learned about relationships growing up are no longer relevent.
Many adults today conduct their lives like High Schoolers did 40 years ago. Sally doesen't break up with Billy until she knows that Tommy will be inviting her to the Prom. That's just the way it is.
In my case, the rules have changed enough that I am not sure I will be able to adjust. So it goes. Unless a true blue princess is out there who brings out my best, and can overlook my faults, I'll probably be the old guy who has a cat, a little boat, and an empty bucket at the end of a relaxing day of fishing.
Just found out who her boyfriend is, he works with her and I have actually been out with him and lots from her company in the past. She did talk about him before the split, makes you wonder if something was perhaps going on before. Interesting!
I will tell you that my Exwife knew her current husband before our divorce and I "wondered" about it too.. At the end of the day, it didnt really matter (years later). He has a daughter that is around my daughters age and they are quite close, and they have since had 2 other children that I am like an uncle to.. The bigger picture, I have played golf with her H and he has gone on a golf trip or 2 with me as well... Too many other things in life to worry about..
The bigger picture, I have played golf with her H and he has gone on a golf trip or 2 with me as well... Too many other things in life to worry about..
I have heard that sort of story before and it really puzzles me.
How long after the divorce was it before you felt this way and were able to play golf with him rather than dreaming about his demise?
[quote=n9688m;1728413]I have heard that sort of story before and it really puzzles me.
How long after the divorce was it before you felt this way and were able to play golf with him rather than dreaming about his demise?[/quo
After they got engaged I decided to take him out on the golf course where I was the Pro.. Basically a "man to man" talk amongst a couple of beers and in a "friendly" environment. I knew he had a daughter (he was divirced too) and basically told him what I "expected" from him.. Best thing I could have ever done. Wasnt easy, but it had to happen..
I have heard that sort of story before and it really puzzles me.
How long after the divorce was it before you felt this way and were able to play golf with him rather than dreaming about his demise?[/quo
After they got engaged I decided to take him out on the golf course where I was the Pro.. Basically a "man to man" talk amongst a couple of beers and in a "friendly" environment. I knew he had a daughter (he was divirced too) and basically told him what I "expected" from him.. Best thing I could have ever done. Wasnt easy, but it had to happen..
I'll tell you why. Cause this guy is the man!!
Way to go, bro. That's awesome that you can put all the crap behind you. I could see myself doing this as long as the guy my wife meets is awesome for her and good to my daughter.
Wow, that's crazy to say, since I'm not even divorced yet. LOL.
Why did it "have to happen"? Many people to NC with their ex or limited contact if there are kids. Why must you ever have contact with the OM?
well again, I was not SURE that he was an OM.. And it did me no good to know for sure. What would it really have changed for me? And here I sit 15 years later with basically a bigger FAMILY.
well again, I was not SURE that he was an OM.. And it did me no good to know for sure. What would it really have changed for me? And here I sit 15 years later with basically a bigger FAMILY.
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