In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
Hi, as u can tell by my title i just turned 21 the other day, and ive never had a girl friend. Its just makin me kinda depressed, and i feel like a loser. Its not like i dont talk to girls or anything. I talk to lots of girls and i consider myself to be a pretty nice and decent lookin guy, and i think girls enjoy my company for the most part. Ive dated a few times, but i just can never seem to turn the corner and get out of the friend zone, hell ive never actually even kissed a girl. I just dont know wut to do anymore
Hi, as u can tell by my title i just turned 21 the other day, and ive never had a girl friend. Its just makin me kinda depressed, and i feel like a loser. Its not like i dont talk to girls or anything. I talk to lots of girls and i consider myself to be a pretty nice and decent lookin guy, and i think girls enjoy my company for the most part. Ive dated a few times, but i just can never seem to turn the corner and get out of the friend zone, hell ive never actually even kissed a girl. I just dont know wut to do anymore
What you gotta do is find something that you're interested in: a hobby, a project or something. Then you have to stop thinking about girls has a priority. Do your own thing, and they will become more interested in you. Make them know that you will not die if they reject you. Good luck to you.
__________________ Finding a chick you want to take to bed is easy. Finding one you want to wake up with is another matter. It may be tougher, but I'll keep looking for the breakfast babe. -JohnnyBlaze
I hate to sound like an old nag, but really - It's so sad when the young yearn for something instead of just throwing their faces to the clear blue sky and enjoying their youth for what it is - we're to blame - with all thee romantic notions and social pressures... must meet partner, must kiss, must do some seriously heavy petting, must get laid, must have sex, must lay at least 100 people before I settle down, must, must must....otherwise I'm not normal!!!! Everyone else does it, everyone else is so much more expereinced than I, must catch up....
Please!
Chill! There's no hurry!
There are guys and gals older than you who are still virgins! For goodness sake, just enjoy who you are, get to know who you are, learn who you are and appreciate who you are! You're young, free, and you should be really just letting go and being happy!
Trust me - Life will deal you up some really crap deals, and you'll have loads of responsibilities soon enough....forget all that, and just enjoy!
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"Hatred never ceases through hatred, but hatred ceases by love alone. This is the essence of the ancient and eternal law."
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts, we make the world."
And good advice, Geishawhelk. Before, I was pretty content with being single and just doing my own things, then a girl walks into my life recently, and my whole world changes. But I don't think things are progressing like how I want them to be. So now my challenge is to get this girl off my mind and move on. It ain't easy...
I just turned 21 today myself . My adivce to you is just to be patient man...like everyone else said, find a hobby or something that you can really get into and revolve your spare time around that. It will take your mind off of it and when the weekend comes go out with friends and have a good time.
Go to clubs, bars (if you are into those places), races at the track, anyplace where there is a good social environment. I used to revolve myself around being in relationships and constantly trying to get with women, but i realized that when I'm in a relationship I have a tendency to forget my own priorities. If you are patient it will happen.
I have been single now since october and I'm actually pretty content being that way for now. I go to work 40+ hours a week, come home, go to the gym, work on my car, and go out on weekends. I realized that not being tied down all the time is kinda nice. Although at times I feel kinda lonely and wished that I was in a relationship with a good girl, but they are hard to come by now a days. It's better to be patient and wait to find someone who clicks with you than to be walked on and have your heart broken over and over again. Trust me man...been there, done that. I really didn't have my first kiss and lost my virginity when I was 19. Don't get me wrong, relationships are great, just don't force yourself into something deep at a young age. It'll happen, just give it time.
Good luck!
I wish I could tell you that "everything will work out" and "true love will ultimately prevail", but let's be realistic. You may find that special one, you may not. You might be able to get over it, maybe not. All I can say is, forget about it as much as you can. You can either be conscious of this problem and be miserable, or fight for the blissful ignorance of it and nevermind women and the wreck they can cause without even starting a relationship with you. If one comes along and loves and cares for you, congradulations, but there is no gurantees.
For those who still think that nobody's gonna end up alone, check out this thread on another BBS:
Hi, as u can tell by my title i just turned 21 the other day, and ive never had a girl friend. Its just makin me kinda depressed, and i feel like a loser. Its not like i dont talk to girls or anything. I talk to lots of girls and i consider myself to be a pretty nice and decent lookin guy, and i think girls enjoy my company for the most part. Ive dated a few times, but i just can never seem to turn the corner and get out of the friend zone, hell ive never actually even kissed a girl. I just dont know wut to do anymore
We're in the same boat. Except that I'm turning 21 in September. All in all I really used to worry about this kind of thing in my mind. But I've decided to take the other path and try to remain patient and focus on work and school. It's really hard sometimes here in Northern California seeing couples around you all the time. So I do feel "pressured" at times to try and get into something, but...judging from everyone else's testimonials I've heard here and there, it's not so good to rush into something.
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"Well, it's just like it is with the stars: there are bright ones, and there are those that are dim."
Hi, as u can tell by my title i just turned 21 the other day, and ive never had a girl friend. Its just makin me kinda depressed, and i feel like a loser.
Hey, not having a girlfriend isn't a bad thing. Based on my experiences, if I had to do it all over again, I'd not have developed a serious relationship until I was in my late 20's, early 30's. Why? that way hopefully you can weed out the head cases that still haven't "found themselves".
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Its not like i dont talk to girls or anything. I talk to lots of girls and i consider myself to be a pretty nice and decent lookin guy, and i think girls enjoy my company for the most part. Ive dated a few times, but i just can never seem to turn the corner and get out of the friend zone, hell ive never actually even kissed a girl. I just dont know wut to do anymore
Don't be in a hurry. Just date casually. You are young. Trust me. Casual dating is better than developing a serious relationship with someone while so young, only for that person to come to their own realization that they haven't sowed their oats, then ends up betraying you as a result.
Get the dating out of your system, then hopefully you can find someone that has the dating out of their system when you are older.
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I jussa lil bish
You’re approaching this with fear and frustration. Relationships are journeys, not destinations. Change your inner dialogue and enjoy the challenge and whether you succeed or fail you’ll be the better for it. Be confident, be bold, and have fun and you’ll get that kiss. You could just walk up to a girl at a party and kiss her its not as hard as you’re making it out to be.
Thanks to everybody for the advice. I really appreciate it. Some of the things people wrote have really opened my eyes. I guess ill try to not to dwell on it too much and just take everything as it comes. It just gets hard when all ur friends are in relationships and u feel alone, but i know i cant think like that. Thanks again
Thanks to everybody for the advice. I really appreciate it. Some of the things people wrote have really opened my eyes. I guess ill try to not to dwell on it too much and just take everything as it comes. It just gets hard when all ur friends are in relationships and u feel alone, but i know i cant think like that. Thanks again
Yes I know how you feel. I've resorted to trying to better focus on my education and going to the gym and working out late at night. Just make myself a more responsible/better person. It's really peaceful for me. Of course there are beautiful women late at night there too sometimes lol.
Thanks to everybody for the advice. I really appreciate it. Some of the things people wrote have really opened my eyes. I guess ill try to not to dwell on it too much and just take everything as it comes. It just gets hard when all ur friends are in relationships and u feel alone, but i know i cant think like that. Thanks again
I was like you. Easy solution: Just go out and do it. You don't need to tell your history, just pretend you know what you're doing (even if you don't). Fake confidence if you have to. Real confidence will follow as you progress. Don't be afraid to fail or be rejected (that was my problem). You will be rejected and you will fail. The reality is for most guys that most of the girls you ask out will reject you. The good news is you only need 1 to like you.
It won't be what you expect, just go out and experience it, and take things as they come. Learn what you can from it. Then you can come back here and tell us all your stories.
Well I'm in a very similar situation quikbroom, although I'm only 17. I haven't really tried to get into a relationship but it's something that I've wanted to experience for some time now. I've always wanted to know how it feels to be loved and be in a serious relationship with someone. The way I see it quikbroom you're either shy or just simply awkward when it comes to girls. I'm the same way and I'd really like some advice on talking to girls and befriending them, not nessesarally starting a relationship but just advice on talking to girls better.
Maybe to give you a few words myself - since I too was 21 and never had a girlfriend. Turned 22 - still no luck. all the way until 26 and still no girlfriend as part of my life. All wanted to be friends and nothing more - just like you.
I so desired a girlfriend - and kept looking - but turns out I was looking in all the wrong places. Then - all of a sudden - she found me. She works for a different company than I do, but both are owned by the same lady. Somedays she would need to make copies - so she deliberately went out of her way to go past me - hoping to give me some kind of message or somehow work up the nerve to say something. I never noticed - as I wasn't looking for love at the workplace.
Then she took a slightly different approach and we started talking. We got along so well - she was such an amazing person. We went on our first date a week ago, and today I can proudly say we are a couple. She is so incredible and makes me feel so happy.
My point is - if you're depressed that you're not finding that special person for your life - then you are obviously looking in the wrong places. I was looking for them around the local community and at bars and nightclubs. I was looking for them through friends and neighbors. I never thought to look at work - it just didn't makes sense to me to do so...
But now - as I look back - I always thought my (now-) girlfriend was something special - just never knew exactly how special she would turn out to be... Maybe you're looking in the wrong places, or maybe you're just not seeing people for who they really are or what they really want. Don't worry - if you are to find someone - it will happen. But if you go another year without a girlfriend - don't fret because it just isn't the right time for you yet.
Have faith that someday it will be your moment to shine! I'm in the midst of mine right now!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
. My adivce to you is just to be patient man...like everyone else said, find a hobby or something that you can really get into and revolve your spare time around that. It will take your mind off of it and when the weekend comes go out with friends and have a good time.
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