My SO and I have been together for about 2 years. We plan on getting married sometime in the near future which I am thrilled about. We are not yet officially engaged but will be soon and we are not planning on a long engagement. Our future plans have had us discussing wedding plans recently which made me realize just how much I do not want a wedding.
I want to marry this man very much, I want the marriage but I do not want a wedding. I want a simple, meaningful ceremony. I don't want a ton of guests, bridesmaids, a $1,000 dress, a gift registry, I don't want any of that sh*t.
After giving is some thought I decided on 3 options I would be happy with. One would be going down to the San Francisco City Hall for a civil ceremony, followed by a night out with family and friends. The second would be on the beach in Jamaica (but not at some cheesy tourist resort) And my 3rd option, and I think my favorite would be hiking up in the Himalayas and getting married by some local on a mountain range in our hiking boots. I'm not talking Everest here but a small, beautiful mountain range. Then we would honey moon through Asia.
To my surprise my SO's response to my dream wedding was "uhh wouldn't it be difficult to get our entire families out there?" After I explained that I saw no need for family at our wedding my SO said that there is no way that would be acceptable for his parents or even mine.
I love my family a great deal, I see them all the time and love spending time with them, I just don't see the need for them to be at the wedding, we can celebrate my marriage when I return home. I know this would be okay with my parents. My bf is also close with his family as well as with my family. However he is certain that his mother would absolutely flip at this idea. I love his mom, I want her to be happy and I want to honor her wishes but I also feel like it's my wedding and my choice. Why should her wishes outweigh mine when it comes to MY wedding.
I didn't push the discussion further because there is no rush, I was just surprised that we has such different ideas on the subject.
I would like it if some married people on LS could share their wedding experiences. Did you plan the sort of wedding you wanted or did your family have a large say in it? Did anyone elope?
Wow, just WOW. Conceited much??!! I suggest you begin to think in terms of "your" wedding. You have this dude by the balls, and he is so whipped. I hope he has some man-juice left by the time you want to start a family. This is extreme selfishness on your part. You are sick!
I'm starting to see a pattern...
Wow, just WOW. Conceited much??!! I suggest you begin to think in terms of "your" wedding. You have this dude by the balls, and he is so whipped. I hope he has some man-juice left by the time you want to start a family. This is extreme selfishness on your part. You are sick!
You're a f*cking idiot and you make it a point to attack each post from me. If all you're going to do it turn everything I say around stay out of my threads. And when I post about my opinions it's clearly going to be about me
I think you should consider your SO's feelings allina. If your financial situation and career status allows it, you have some interesting ideas but otherwise it sounds like a 12 year old's fantasy. Not trying to be rude or anything but I feel bad for the guy who wants to have a traditional wedding and for you it's either the courthouse or hike the himalayas...
I think you should consider your SO's feelings allina. If your financial situation and career status allows it, you have some interesting ideas but otherwise it sounds like a 12 year old's fantasy. Not trying to be rude or anything but I feel bad for the guy who wants to have a traditional wedding and for you it's either the courthouse or hike the himalayas...
I absolutely care about my SO wants. His input in this is just as important as mine. He doesn't want a traditional wedding but he feels like it's expected of us. Hiking in the Himalayas isn't a fantasy, it's completely within reach and will cost less than the typical American wedding that i want to avoid.
What I am looking for is some input from people who have eloped or got married to be married not to throw an elaborate party to please family and friends.
Then have a small family and friend reception with cake and punch to announce the happy event.
They might be a little peeved, but they should get over it.
It should be about you and your man. Not anyone else.
If the parent thing was not an issue what would he want? If he really wants the parent's there then maybe you should do the civil thing for them and then head off to Jamica or the Mountains and do your own thing.
Weddings are stressful, expensive and tend to bring out the worst in everyone. Usually over seating arrangements or napkin colors. You will never please everyone, especially when there is a long engagement and everyone gets to give their opinions as to how your (and his) union should be celebrated.
I can't speak from my own experience since I am not married but one of my cousins was planning on flying to where he fiancé was stationed in the army and getting married by the river with as little family as possible (the perfect ceremony for her and her husband). Our whole family was throwing a fit that they weren't having a traditional wedding, they ended up having their perfect ceremony then 6 months later having a "wedding" for the family, to this day her mom, his parents and I are the only ones that know that they were married 6 months earlier than their wedding.
allina, it depends on who's paying. If both sets of parents are paying, they have the right to state some preferences. If you're self-funding, the two of you should have full say.
You should go with the Jamaica idea. I did that and it was beautiful!!! Not cheesy at all. My wedding was the most picture perfect wedding I have seen. If he want the parents there you should do it at those Sandals resorts you can invite guests, and it is so much less stress then a wedding in the states. The guests can either stay at the same resort as you or buy a day pass for the wedding for about $100 per person.
You can't make everyone happy so do whats right for you and your future hubby! IMO weddings nowadays are rediculously expensive and over the top. Jamiaca or some other island would be a nice compromise so family and close friends may attend if they want.
http://www.sandals.com/general/wedding.cfm
check it out. These weddings really aren't that expensive because you are already paying for the honeymoon with them. And the best thing is they plan every detail for you.
a good compromise would make everyone happy – what about the small intimate "get it over quickly" exchange of vows with both sets of parents in attendance? Because like you, 16 years ago I totally hated the idea of a big production when all I wanted was to just be married – over and done with ceremony – with my husband!
so we drove up to the courthouse in a southern Tenn. county with his mom accompanying us, then back down to Birmingham to celebrate with his mom and two sisters. Part two of the plan was to plan a proper Catholic church ceremony with *my* family in attendance, but I'm embarassed to say that we haven't gotten that far yet!
still, I was completely thrilled that he allowed our day to be low-key, because I'm the type that hates waiting and hates big productions.
keep talking to him and tossing around ideas – you'll eventually come up with something that'll make the both of you satisfied.
as far as the "partying," you can always plan a kick-butt reception to celebrate with friends and family after your private vow-exchange.
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
My SO and i have decided that neither of us want a big production wedding... we dont want to pay for a huge wedding, and neither of us want the hassle... we can afford an amazing large wedding, but its sooo stressful... He isnt religious and i dont really want a religious ceremony... We made the decision to go the one of the sandals resorts in the carribean... some friends of ours went to the one in jamaca and it was wonderful... we are just gonna let the people we love and who we want at the wedding when and where it is at and if they want to be there, they can be...
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