I'm glad i just read this....I have the book and have read it a billion times. It helped me get through the crap with my ex, and probably is the reason she tried getting back together. But now I find me self doing the same crap with this new girl....but I was reminded by this article that I'm doing "IT" again.....just in time!
Last edited by heartoutside; 22nd June 2008 at 12:36 PM.
I'm glad i just read this....I have the book and have read it a billion times. It helped me get through the crap with my ex, and probably is the reason she tried getting back together. But now I find me self doing the same crap with this new girl....but I was reminded by this article that I'm doing "IT" again.....just in time!
Not sure if I recommended the book to you, but it should be read before you start dating someone new again just as a reminder.
Always ask yourself this question: "Am I doing this to win her over or am I doing this just because I want to?" That's a good rule to go by.
Having your own passions and hobbies helps build confidence as well.
With this last girl I was dating, I did everything right except a little backsliding here and there. In the end, it wasn't me being a nice guy, it was simply her insecurities that led to the demise. But that's OK by me. One more wrong woman out of the way
Interesting you should bring up the subject. I found a series of amateur, yet very well produced, programs on youtube about the trials of a nice guy. The series consists of three shows, less than ten minutes each, but they dramatize the nice guy process and what he goes through. I thought it was worth the watch.
Caliguy, yeah you suggested it to me way back when almost a year ago. And I've caught myself back sliding a lot....but I'm catching myself which is good. Before, I wasn't even aware of the behavior. I don't know if you've read the thread I've started in "dating" "1st date mess? Or not?" but after I just re-read that, I can't believe I spent the night with my friends worry'n about her freakn out over a text or for whatever reason and I'm glad I was reminded of No More Mr. Nice Guy....
You don't even have to be a door mat. If you are straight forward from the start and do "nice" things because you like doing them, there is a very good chance that the woman will try to walk all over you.
It doesn't even matter if you don't let her walk all over you. You can have as much spine as you want, you will only be seen as the nice guy because you did all those "nice" things.
It seems like a lot of women are only going to respect you if they spend some time in limbo wondering if you actually like them. An honest, straight-forward approach oftentimes doesn't work. Frankly, I think it is insane. Being honest and showing a woman that I like her as soon as I feel that way makes me needy? WTF?
And showing just the right amount of interest to keep her guessing makes me the exiting mystery man? I don't understand it at all, but attraction seeems to work that way for many women.
You don't even have to be a door mat. If you are straight forward from the start and do "nice" things because you like doing them, there is a very good chance that the woman will try to walk all over you.
It doesn't even matter if you don't let her walk all over you. You can have as much spine as you want, you will only be seen as the nice guy because you did all those "nice" things.
It seems like a lot of women are only going to respect you if they spend some time in limbo wondering if you actually like them. An honest, straight-forward approach oftentimes doesn't work. Frankly, I think it is insane. Being honest and showing a woman that I like her as soon as I feel that way makes me needy? WTF?
And showing just the right amount of interest to keep her guessing makes me the exiting mystery man? I don't understand it at all, but attraction seeems to work that way for many women.
You just have to show a woman that she is not the center of your life. Once you do that, the nice guy in you will go away. Have interest OTHER than a woman.
There's no earth-shattering revelation here. It's just "Why Men like Bitches" rehashed for the opposite sex. People like confident, self-respecting people. It's as simple as that.
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Last edited by shadowplay; 22nd June 2008 at 1:15 PM.
You just have to show a woman that she is not the center of your life. Once you do that, the nice guy in you will go away. Have interest OTHER than a woman.
I can go months, or even years without a date because I am not interested enough in the women I meet. That makes it hard to not show the interest in those few women who I date and find very interesting.
I started to treat dating like it is a military operation. Plans, contingency plans, evasive maneuver to keep me from showing too much interest too soon. Probably not the best solution to my problems but it works in that I no longer get the "nice guy speech" from women I date.
There's no earth-shattering revelation here. It's just "Why Men like Bitches" rehashed for the opposite sex. People like confident, self-respecting people. It's as simple as that.
For me that is the truth, hence I tend to like Type A bitchy women; it lets me be me and I know where some of the boundaries are. I can poke and prod just to PO her. No walking on egg shells.
Granted when you put two Type A's together, one of the two will be more A than B.
In my opinion it is all about balance and that is sometimes hard to do. If I get a call from hottie I'm going to take it; but I have to realize that I have my own life, hobbies and to do list. Can't just drop it for her. Pretty much how to go from "nice guy" to a balanced guy. Not easy I say.
The whole problem with Mr. Nice Guy syndrome is that it's called Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. It's not about being "nice" or an "egotistical meathead." It's about, as everyone has said, being a confident, happy person. I really think it's pissed off nerds that gave it the name Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. No matter a person's place in life, they will naturally try to rationalize it to be the best. For example, you get the socially inedpt, nerdy guy who sees confidence in others but calls it arrogance. This isn't true for everyone of course, but I think that's where a lot of the problem comes from.
If you are genuinely confident and happy with your position in life, it will show no matter how nice you are. But that's assuming that being nice doesn't include ridiculous amounts of comments, texts, phone calls and 100% availability.
Last edited by backto1; 22nd June 2008 at 1:51 PM.
I started to treat dating like it is a military operation. Plans, contingency plans, evasive maneuver to keep me from showing too much interest too soon. Probably not the best solution to my problems but it works in that I no longer get the "nice guy speech" from women I date.
I hear ya, Stockalone! My strategy (as a female) is more like a doe in the forest. Deer-In-Headlights look on my face, ready to bolt at a moment's notice. It works EVERY TIME. Men are absolute suckers for that. I cannot figure out why.
__________________
"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
The whole problem with Mr. Nice Guy syndrome is that it's called Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. It's not about being "nice" or an "egotistical meathead." It's about, as everyone has said, being a confident, happy person. I really think it's pissed off nerds that gave it the name Mr. Nice Guy syndrome. No matter a person's place in life, they will naturally try to rationalize it to be the best. For example, you get the socially inedpt, nerdy guy who sees confidence in others but calls it arrogance. This isn't true for everyone of course, but I think that's where a lot of the problem comes from.
If you are genuinely confident and happy with your position in life, it will show no matter how nice you are. But that's assuming that being nice doesn't include ridiculous amounts of comments, texts, phone calls and 100% availability.
I agree with this.
100% availability says "I don't have a life."
Giving gifts, too many texts, phone calls, etc says "I need to earn your love."
All you gotta do is be confident in yourself. Learn to love and accept who you are and it will NATURALLY attract the right significant other to you.
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