First of all, I don't make a habit of taking men home from bars. I meet men in bars, but I don't go home and have sex with them right after I meet them.
But every once in a while, it happens.
So last night I was out with a couple of friends. I showed up first. A guy next to me started talking to me. He was also waiting for friends. Then my one friend showed up, so we were talking. I thought I heard him mention what sounded like a gf. He was talking about travelling and he said something about this person getting time off.
He went off with his friends and I had a couple of drinks with my girlriends. I would say when I left the bar I was tipsy but not wasted or anything. So anyway, it was getting later and his friends left, so he came over. I had told my friends earlier I thought he was cute. We were paying the bill. The next thing I know, they are leaving. They wanted me to be able to chat with the guy. We all live close to this place, so it is not a big deal to leave at different times.
So the guy asks if he can walk me home. I said yes, but that's it. I don't want him coming up. He said ok. Once we got to the front door, he started in with this stuff about me being so pretty, and he just wants to kiss me on my couch, can he come up? I said, but don't you have a gf? He responded, no, we went out for two months and now we are just friends.
Stupidly, I brought him up. Once inside he was very aggressive. Then we were making out on the couch and he was so aggressive that the couch moved. The connector that plugs in my Macbook was in the wall and the couch had bumped into it, breaking the thing. Well I tried to make it work, and it does still work but it is barely holding together. He did not offer to buy me a new one, of course.
I was really pissed. I said, you know, I think it is time for you to go. I'm not attracted anymore. I walked him to the door. He started being very aggressive again. At this point I'm feeling physically turned on, but mentally I wanted him out of there. The next thing I know he picked me up and took me back to my bed.
We had sex. At that point I was like, well, ok then. I wasn't into it though. We went to sleep. I woke up at 3:45 in the morning because I heard a sound. It was him, leaving. I think the only time that happened to me was in college, many years ago.
I am disturbed by the fact that I had sex with him. He was very aggressive, to the point of being scary. I felt like if I really resisted he could probably force me. I did not resist. I just did it. I've done this before, had sex when I didn't really want to, and I don't know why I do this, but it really bothers me. He was stimulating me and I was physically turned on. I want to make it clear that this was not forced sex. Their was no physical force. I just felt sort of swept away by it, but not in the good way. I really would have been happy to see him go without sex or anything.
Years ago, when I was a virgin, I was forced to have sex. Kind of a date rape kind of thing. It hurt a lot. I remember that when it was going to happen, I just thought to myself, well, it is going to happen anyway, so you can resist and make it worse or you can accept it. I accepted it.
Has anyone else had this experience? Why do I do this?
Any posters who use this thread as a chance to call me a slut, or say I deserved this will be IGNORED. Anyone with real thoughts or advice, thanks in advance.
Yes, I know this may sound contradictory. I am glad he left because I wanted to be alone. However, leaving in the middle of the night without telling me made me feel dirty.
It sounds like you wanted him to do it like you want to be sexed like that or something.Now that you regret is still part of the fantasy. I just think you enjoy it, like a lot of women enjoy being degraded and enjoy not enjoying being degraded.
If you really didn't like that sort of thing you would not have let him up at all.
Yeah, frankly speaking I'd say this happened because you wanted it; you wanted it badly.
To stop this from happening I don't know what to say - if you were raped you should seek professional help to find out if it has anything to do with your current behavior.
Yeah, frankly speaking I'd say this happened because you wanted it; you wanted it badly.
Actually, I didn't. That's the sad thing. I thought we could kiss on the couch a little. I would have liked that. I saw his persistence outside, but the real aggression came out upstairs.
You were a bit typsy and he knew what he wanted and went after it aggressively. You told him to leave but he didn't. You say it wasn't forced sex, but it doesn't really sound consensual to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilly Bean
Rent the movie, LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR, Cherry...
Was there ANY take-away in this for you? Seems like an exceptionally dangerous position you put yourself in...
Do you think that guy would have raped and stabbed her to death if she had refused to have sex with him?
Don't really know what to say. Can't ever imagine putting a woman in that position, so I don't really know what's going on in these guy's heads.
That said, I have seen this dynamic (not the sex part of course) with some of my wife's friends, and she and I just sit back and go "WTF" and struggle to figure out why people behave that way. I honestly don't know where it comes from. I hope you figure it out and find a way to enforce your boundaries.
My first opinion was that you were sexually assaulted, even if you don't see it that way. Can you explain why you feel you weren't? I think that is key to understanding the dynamic. Maybe my view is too harsh, since I've never had that experience (aggressive sex) with a woman.
In any event, it appears all the guy was after was sex. I'm happy you're safe. I also hope you used protection and are cognizant of your disease exposure from the incident.
Do you think that guy would have raped and stabbed her to death if she had refused to have sex with him?
Yes, I do. The point of that story line was that eventually her promiscuity was going to get her into deep trouble.
Hey - we have ALL picked someone up at some point, under some circumstances, even if it isn't quite as dramatic as Cherry's tale. I think Cherry's story is a strong reminder of WHY this is never a good idea, however. So, thanks for sharing, as if it saves ONE woman from making a foolish decision and being hurt, then it's well-worth it.
Cherry - if you are still thinking of your take-away from this, KEEP thinking. I fear for your safety should this behavior continue, so please do figure out why and how this happened. There is a LOT that went down, so IMO, there are a few facets to cover...
It sounds to me that you didn't think that the guy would be that agressive and that's why you let him in. People can misjudge some times especially when they've drunk a little.
As far as why you had sex eventually, you say it yourself. If you would resist then he'd make it even worse. So the better choice would be to accept it and avoid the "something worse"...
These situations are really tough though...us guys don't really get through this and it's unfair for the ladies.
It sounds to me that you didn't think that the guy would be that agressive and that's why you let him in. People can misjudge some times especially when they've drunk a little.
As far as why you had sex eventually, you say it yourself. If you would resist then he'd make it even worse. So the better choice would be to accept it and avoid the "something worse"...
These situations are really tough though...us guys don't really get through this and it's unfair for the ladies.
I really dislike this statement. It seems to be implying that we women should just give in to avoid "making it worse." Women should NEVER just accept being raped.
It seems to be implying that we women should just give in to avoid "making it worse." Women should NEVER just accept being raped.
I disagree 150% with this. If a rapist had a knife to my throat or a gun to my head, I would be at such a physical disadvantage, in that moment I am certain I would comply in order to save my own life.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Do you think that guy would have raped and stabbed her to death if she had refused to have sex with him?
Linear Mode
