I sometimes have a hard time explaining what to say so here it goes,
I have been trying for the past 6 years to get my wife to try new things to keep our sex life strong. Nothing is working or I get "that's stupid". I try to have sex before we get up on the weekends but all's I get from her is "my mouth is not clean". She will say she loves me at home and calls me everyday from her work to say Hi and that she loves me, but I just don't understand or what I should do. My wife has had 10 past lovers before we got togetter and some of the things that she has told me she has done in the past just makes it harder to understand why she has not done that with me. What is wrong?
I sometimes have a hard time explaining what to say so here it goes,
I have been trying for the past 6 years to get my wife to try new things to keep our sex life strong. Nothing is working or I get "that's stupid". I try to have sex before we get up on the weekends but all's I get from her is "my mouth is not clean". She will say she loves me at home and calls me everyday from her work to say Hi and that she loves me, but I just don't understand or what I should do. My wife has had 10 past lovers before we got togetter and some of the things that she has told me she has done in the past just makes it harder to understand why she has not done that with me. What is wrong?
Love and sex are to very different and almost equally important parts of a marriage. Just because she says she still loves you alot does not mean that she still is really into sex..obviously. You need to explain to her that it is VERY important that she reinvests her self into your sex life. It sounds like she doesn't think she still needs to make an effort in the bedroom but that is very far from the truth. just let her know how much this is upseting you.
Her mouth comment might be a sideways effort on her part to tell you that your breath stinks.
She might be not turned on by you bc of your hygiene, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you, esp if it is something you can't change (like the smell of your pubic area or the taste of your cum).
Come right out and ask if she is still sexually attracted to you. I agree with carhill, there's a good chance the sex part of what she feels for you isn't there. Now, that doesn't mean it won't come back - Who knows if there's a medical reason why she's feeling disconnected that way, or maybe she's holding in resentment towards you. Emotions and sexual urges are connected..
Anyway, I think you really need to tell her how it makes you feel that she's rejecting you.
When she was young and had multiple partners she was probably insecure and trying different things to please or impress the guys because she wanted to feel special.
Now she's older, more secure in herself and her marriage and is settling into her real sexual personality - vanilla.
__________________ Suppose we've chosen the wrong god, everytime we got to church we're making him madder and madder. - H J Simpson.
Thanks everyone for the input, but I have tryed all of what you talk about. No real answer, maybe it's time to pack the bags and head for higher ground. I do love her very much but I can't go on begging for sex.
I need to set down and do some hard thinking. Thanks again.
I have been trying for the past 6 years to get my wife to try new things to keep our sex life strong.
New positions or techniques are not going to do anything for your wife. For women, sex is a much more emotional thing.
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but all's I get from her is "my mouth is not clean".
Your breath stinks ... do something about it. Hygiene is important to women.
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She will say she loves me at home and calls me everyday from her work to say Hi and that she loves me,
She probably does love you.
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but I just don't understand or what I should do.
Forget about sex for a moment (I know, it is hard, especially when you don't get any). Start focussing on what makes your wife feel loved and special. Don't try and think about what makes her feel sexy or feel like sex.
Romance her. Plan a special day or evening for her. Don't expect sex or put pressure on her.
You'll have to buy it to get the rest. I am currently reading the book and your post sounds so much like some of the classic male attitudes he talks about in the book.
Am curious. Why in the world would her having 10 past lovers matter? Is this something that *you* think about, and does it come through in your dealings with her?
I mentioned your personal hygiene. I noticed that you didn't address that. Does that mean that you are convinced that you smell and taste great? Men smell and taste differently, and there have been men that smelled rank down there and I would avoid putting my head down there as much as possible.
Are you a good kisser? Have old GFs told you that you kiss great, or are you one that is too wet and too forceful and thinks that duelling tongues is the next new exercise craze?
Is your sex life different now than it was when you first met? You haven't said how long you have been having sex with her or how long you have been married.
No real answer, maybe it's time to pack the bags and head for higher ground.
Don't just up and leave, TELL her that if she doesn't start making an effort then the marriage IS going to get worse and end up in divorce. Ask her to go to her family Dr and get a check up, a full round of blood work done. Maybe it's a medical reason, maybe she is depressed, maybe you two need marriage counselling, I don't know..BUT, shake things up abit by letting her know exactly what you've said here. To just pack the bags and leave isn't the way to handle it.
Yes her past bugs me. I try to let it go and I do good at it untill I have another bad dream about her past then it starts all over again. We were married 23 years ago for 1 year got devorced and then some how got back togetter 11 years ago. Her past didn't bug me back then but bugs me all the time now, why? We had a big fight last night about the lack of sex. We are going to set down tonight and try and work it out. Wish us luck.
I forgot to say that the wife and I get along great and we have fun togetter, but when it comes to sex well it's all down hill and we fight a lot about it. But last month we went out of town for the weekend and the sex was great I didn't even need to ask her for it. If money wasn't a problem for us we should take a trip every month.
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