The rollercoaster we call a relationship (and life!)
*I know its long, I left out a lot as well. If you need more info just ask.
Thank you ahead of time!
Background info
Me: I’ve always been the person that was dumped in the relationship. I would hang on until the very end, I wouldn’t stand up for myself and ask for what I deserve and would usually settle for less.
Her: She has abuse issues from her past, very low self-esteem and self-confidence but she is very attractive.
We married in 2004, I was in good shape. I began going to school/working a lot more and gained a lot of weight. I became very depressed and distant from my wife (filed for divorce) but I shrugged off the depression. I began to not want to go out etc..would resist having sex with her because I felt terrible. She would ask me what is wrong and I said the stress from school and work etc..she said that she understood and was there for me.
Early this year she began acting strange (not saying “I love you” when I did, easily angry/annoyed). One day I called her after work and she was crying/balling hard, telling me she couldn’t come home etc..she didn’t for 2 days. When she did come back she informed me she would be moving out, she didn’t want a divorce at the time but needed space to think.
Basically, my depression was affecting her much more than I ever knew. I had no idea that the potential consequences were as bad as they were, she never gave me an indicator. She would leave me cards saying that she knows we are going through a rough time but she wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone else etc..
I immediately wanted us to go through counseling etc..she didn’t want to go together. She said we had to work on ourselves first and then come together.
So I began my plan, I started working out, went to multiple (dozen or more ) counseling sessions. Really started to get my **** together..she did nothing.
The other guy:
We still had the same cell phone and I noticed a phone number appearing a lot (at odd times of the night too). Turns out it’s a guy from work. I ask her about him, she says he is a “friend”. I pry a little more, still nothing. Finally one night after we went out he shows up (but drives right by) at her house while we are standing in the driveway. She freaks out, telling me she has had a great time withme and has things to take care of with him. To me she is going to let him know we have (her and I) things to work out.
A few days go by, still his # pops up on the bill. I call him, he tells me they have been together for a few months. What the hell!? The breakup 1
I rush to her house, she is home thankfully! She opens the door, and ask her what the hell the deal is. We talk for over a half hour, me basically telling her the grass isn’t greener on the other side etc..she isn’t ready for a relationship because she has one to fix right in front of her (she even told me she wanted to be with me!). I leave her house basically telling her good luck. Back together #1
A few weeks go by with no contact and then I see her at our gym (where I had before but ignored her). She or I needed something from one another and we walked outside. She asked how I was doing etc..we begin to talk and she is crying. She wants me back and realizes what she has/had.
I fall for it and we begin to hang out. On a whim I move my stuff into her place, the next day she freaks out and says she needs space. I also find an email to this guy where she is spilling herself out for him. The breakup #2
She wouldn’t fess up to me about him and the fact she wanted him back so I drop a few hints that were in the email (to let her know I she was completely lying to my face). She is shocked. She says she was ashamed and has to leave (we were in a parking lot). I tell her I will not talk to her ever again until she gets some counseling and her **** together.
3 weeks go by with no contact except for a few brief encounters at our gym (no communication just a glance and look away) Back together #2
I see her at the gym and she smirks/smiles at me, I glance away thinking wtf are you doing? Mind you, this other guy showed up at the gym a few minutes after her. An exercise date? So Im thinking to myself, how does this bitch have the audacity to pull this. I’m furious and leave the gym with the intention of ending this marriage.
I get home, in the process of getting ready I find her at my house going through her **** I left outside. We talk for awhile, I tell her I have to go file divorce papers, she freaks out and cries. I truly think its genuine.
She “breaks up” with this guy over the weekend. Comes to my house, I meet with a counselor and decide I need to hear/see the breakup for my own good so I can start to rebuild trust. I tell her this and she kinda blows me off, like it’s a joke. “What do you want me to call him on speaker phone, ya right” kinda laughing about it as its silly. She tells me to just believe her, ya right.
The nxt day I see this guy at the gym and confront him about her and him and their “break up”. Evidently it was a little separation but she was going by his house after she left mine, bringing him food/stuff. The final breakup
I return home to a few missed calls from her, answer the phone (its her). She proceeds to get upset with me that I “got in his face” at the gym. I say “f$kf him, fu#k this whole situation. It’s over” and hang up.
That was 2 weeks ago, I filed for divorce today.
I need some emotional support…re-reading this I can completely see the warning signs but I wanted her bad. I worked my ass off for myself and “us”..I come out better for it but I still feel terrible. I was a sucker and fell for her but she seemed so genuine. I know she needs counseling bad..she doesn’t know whats going on in her head.
Any advice or encouraging words would be nice..
I hope you guys don't have any children. For me it was easy in that regard, we have ourselves and some "stuff".
I need to get out of this funk I am in..I know it will take time but I just hate the thoughts that are in my head. I have a completely negative attitude towards any type of relationship at this current time, how can I ever trust anyone?
I have used this time to reflect back and fix myself though, I told her from the beginning that no matter how it turns out I am coming out a better man. I was true to my word, I am. I hope you can find the strength like I did in yourself and push forward.
Take care
Quote:
Originally Posted by TrustInYourself
I'm sorry man. I'm almost there with my wife. Just waiting for the man to show up.
*I know its long, I left out a lot as well. If you need more info just ask.
Thank you ahead of time!
Background info
Me: I’ve always been the person that was dumped in the relationship. I would hang on until the very end, I wouldn’t stand up for myself and ask for what I deserve and would usually settle for less.
Her: She has abuse issues from her past, very low self-esteem and self-confidence but she is very attractive.
We married in 2004, I was in good shape. I began going to school/working a lot more and gained a lot of weight. I became very depressed and distant from my wife (filed for divorce) but I shrugged off the depression. I began to not want to go out etc..would resist having sex with her because I felt terrible. She would ask me what is wrong and I said the stress from school and work etc..she said that she understood and was there for me.
Early this year she began acting strange (not saying “I love you” when I did, easily angry/annoyed). One day I called her after work and she was crying/balling hard, telling me she couldn’t come home etc..she didn’t for 2 days. When she did come back she informed me she would be moving out, she didn’t want a divorce at the time but needed space to think.
Basically, my depression was affecting her much more than I ever knew. I had no idea that the potential consequences were as bad as they were, she never gave me an indicator. She would leave me cards saying that she knows we are going through a rough time but she wouldn’t want to go through it with anyone else etc..
I immediately wanted us to go through counseling etc..she didn’t want to go together. She said we had to work on ourselves first and then come together.
So I began my plan, I started working out, went to multiple (dozen or more ) counseling sessions. Really started to get my **** together..she did nothing.
The other guy:
We still had the same cell phone and I noticed a phone number appearing a lot (at odd times of the night too). Turns out it’s a guy from work. I ask her about him, she says he is a “friend”. I pry a little more, still nothing. Finally one night after we went out he shows up (but drives right by) at her house while we are standing in the driveway. She freaks out, telling me she has had a great time withme and has things to take care of with him. To me she is going to let him know we have (her and I) things to work out.
A few days go by, still his # pops up on the bill. I call him, he tells me they have been together for a few months. What the hell!? The breakup 1
I rush to her house, she is home thankfully! She opens the door, and ask her what the hell the deal is. We talk for over a half hour, me basically telling her the grass isn’t greener on the other side etc..she isn’t ready for a relationship because she has one to fix right in front of her (she even told me she wanted to be with me!). I leave her house basically telling her good luck. Back together #1
A few weeks go by with no contact and then I see her at our gym (where I had before but ignored her). She or I needed something from one another and we walked outside. She asked how I was doing etc..we begin to talk and she is crying. She wants me back and realizes what she has/had.
I fall for it and we begin to hang out. On a whim I move my stuff into her place, the next day she freaks out and says she needs space. I also find an email to this guy where she is spilling herself out for him. The breakup #2
She wouldn’t fess up to me about him and the fact she wanted him back so I drop a few hints that were in the email (to let her know I she was completely lying to my face). She is shocked. She says she was ashamed and has to leave (we were in a parking lot). I tell her I will not talk to her ever again until she gets some counseling and her **** together.
3 weeks go by with no contact except for a few brief encounters at our gym (no communication just a glance and look away) Back together #2
I see her at the gym and she smirks/smiles at me, I glance away thinking wtf are you doing? Mind you, this other guy showed up at the gym a few minutes after her. An exercise date? So Im thinking to myself, how does this bitch have the audacity to pull this. I’m furious and leave the gym with the intention of ending this marriage.
I get home, in the process of getting ready I find her at my house going through her **** I left outside. We talk for awhile, I tell her I have to go file divorce papers, she freaks out and cries. I truly think its genuine.
She “breaks up” with this guy over the weekend. Comes to my house, I meet with a counselor and decide I need to hear/see the breakup for my own good so I can start to rebuild trust. I tell her this and she kinda blows me off, like it’s a joke. “What do you want me to call him on speaker phone, ya right” kinda laughing about it as its silly. She tells me to just believe her, ya right.
The nxt day I see this guy at the gym and confront him about her and him and their “break up”. Evidently it was a little separation but she was going by his house after she left mine, bringing him food/stuff. The final breakup
I return home to a few missed calls from her, answer the phone (its her). She proceeds to get upset with me that I “got in his face” at the gym. I say “f$kf him, fu#k this whole situation. It’s over” and hang up.
That was 2 weeks ago, I filed for divorce today.
I need some emotional support…re-reading this I can completely see the warning signs but I wanted her bad. I worked my ass off for myself and “us”..I come out better for it but I still feel terrible. I was a sucker and fell for her but she seemed so genuine. I know she needs counseling bad..she doesn’t know whats going on in her head.
Any advice or encouraging words would be nice..
**** this broad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`!!!!!!!!! i hate them and their ****ing "space" when its always anothaer ****ing guy then they dont know what they want and want to play ****j **** ASLL THAT **** NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAINR!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111 111111
**** this broad~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`!!!!!!!!! i hate them and their ****ing "space" when its always anothaer ****ing guy then they dont know what they want and want to play ****j **** ASLL THAT **** NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAINR!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111111111 111111
You know that "look" ~ that "hating, spouting, don't give a f**K" look you get from the wife! That "hateful" ~ I wished you were dead look?
That's because your Plan "B" and he's Plan "A" ~ but Plan "A" isn't working out so well!
You couldn't dump this gal fast enough!
But?
If you choose not to?
Wake up every morning, and look in the mirror, and tell yourself, "F**K YOU! Forget your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations, your desires, your wishes, your friends, your family ~ NOW GET YOUR @SS OUT THERE AND TRY AND MAKE THIS B***H HAPPY!
FOR EVERYDAY OF THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE!
__________________
I may not be perfect! But, parts of me are pretty awesome, and I'm working on the rest!
Roto25 - Man, this is hilarious! This woman had so much power over you. She treated you like a puppet on a string! You are so lucky that you don't have kids with her. The OM is your saviour in disguise really! You should thank him so much for ridding you off this walking nightmare. Good to hear you are looking after No1. Stay strong man. This is the first day of the rest of a happy life. Congratulations. I would never speak to that sad woman ever again.
You know that "look" ~ that "hating, spouting, don't give a f**K" look you get from the wife! That "hateful" ~ I wished you were dead look?
That's because your Plan "B" and he's Plan "A" ~ but Plan "A" isn't working out so well!
You couldn't dump this gal fast enough!
But?
If you choose not to?
Wake up every morning, and look in the mirror, and tell yourself, "F**K YOU! Forget your hopes, your dreams, your aspirations, your desires, your wishes, your friends, your family ~ NOW GET YOUR @SS OUT THERE AND TRY AND MAKE THIS B***H HAPPY!
I hope you guys don't have any children. For me it was easy in that regard, we have ourselves and some "stuff".
I need to get out of this funk I am in..I know it will take time but I just hate the thoughts that are in my head. I have a completely negative attitude towards any type of relationship at this current time, how can I ever trust anyone?
I have used this time to reflect back and fix myself though, I told her from the beginning that no matter how it turns out I am coming out a better man. I was true to my word, I am. I hope you can find the strength like I did in yourself and push forward.
Take care
Hell yeah, I am definitely coming out of this stronger and a better, more mature individual. As far as the funk, is that not temporary?
We have a daughter. It sucks, but you adapt and overcome. Thank you for the words. Take it easy.
I've not been the only one? To share a bowel of Wheaties with such as one!
Hah! Life is sooo much better once you take out the garbage Roto25, you are making the right choice filing for divorce.. but I disagree on one count.. She knows exactly what she is doing. Some people put on a charade and act caring and emotional. You think you know them, but in fact they are users and you only know the face they put forth.
Don't worry about her, don't worry about her getting counseling, let her become someone else's problem. Move forward, I guarantee you will get over her and life will get good!
Thanks a lot for all the replies! I really appreciate it!
A little update..
She came by and grabbed the rest of her stuff and was asking why I removed all wedding pics from the wall etc.. I asked her if she was kidding? Basically, she wanted to find out if I hated her on it by me saying "because I hate you!"..well I didn't but I did tell her I didn't want to see her/talk to her again and to leave my house.
She left, by the way she was saying how she still loves me while she was leaving. I chuckled and said action speak louder than words.
Saw her at the gym today..she texts me later saying how great I look and how she was thinking about me picking her up and stuff (like physically).
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
