baby separation anxiety...

paperthinheart · 15th June 2008, 12:44 AM

My 6 month old daughter has begun having separation anxiety with me... its gotten to the point that i am unable to even let someone else hold her and walk away... mshe has been crawling for alomst 3 months but wont even let me put her down on the floor for a second... she hangs on me constantly like a little cute furless monkey

its very rare for even her father to be able to calm her down, and she sees him nearly as often as she sees me... please please please! help me with advise to get her to go to other people so i can have 3 seconds to go pee

its hard for her daddy and i even to leave her with her grandma and grandpa so we can go to the grocery store or grab an alone time supper... and she is the BIGGGGGGEST grandmas girl ever...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks

Storyrider · 15th June 2008, 1:11 AM

To pee, etc. you'll just have to bite the bullet and listen to her cry while her dad holds her. It is only a minute.

Other than that, she won't stop doing this until she gets beyond this developmental stage. It actually means that cognitively, she is able to grasp the concept of "self" and "other". She will outgrow it as she gains confidence.

Sks · 15th June 2008, 1:28 AM

Prove to her you will always come back.

tinktronik · 15th June 2008, 1:29 AM

There are some situations when you will just have to walk away and leave her with someone else, do this quickly so that she does not know that you are stressed and make her more anxious. Other than necessary breaks, attend her in this pick her up and let her be "needy" of you , this teaches security and soon enough she will be struggling out of your arms looking for her independence.

paperthinheart · 15th June 2008, 1:34 AM

thanks guys!

but the thing is is that its a constant screaming... like blood curdling... its terrible... she is nromally very indepenednt and all of the sudden in the past week or so she has just turned a complete 180 to a totally different baby...

any other advice?

Storyrider · 15th June 2008, 1:40 AM

Are you a first-time mom? Sometimes it is hard to have faith that each phase will pass. but it will. This is just one of those things you have to ride out. If she feels certain you're there for her during this time, she will outgrow this within a few months and before you know it, she'll be a confident toddler.

tinktronik · 15th June 2008, 1:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paperthinheart

thanks guys!

but the thing is is that its a constant screaming... like blood curdling... its terrible... she is nromally very indepenednt and all of the sudden in the past week or so she has just turned a complete 180 to a totally different baby...

any other advice?

This is absolutely normal.

paperthinheart · 16th June 2008, 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storyrider

Are you a first-time mom?

yes... i am...

i understand each phase will pass in a matter of time, but we would like to put her in daycare soon, i;m just fearfull that the daycare provider will be calling me 10 minutes after we drop her off saying she quits and we need to find another provider...

its nerve racking especially when her grandparents who see her everyday have a hard time with her...

thanks guys!

Gwyneth · 17th June 2008, 10:57 PM

Aww...this is sad and cute at the same time. My coworker's baby and herself both had separation anxiety. I will ask her how they both overcame it. It began when she came back to work (she has a baby boy).

Rachel Wadilove, or something like that, has written a really great book on infant care. She's a baby nurse to celeb moms. I am pretty sure she touches separation anxiety, and what to do when your baby cries. I will be reading it some time soon.

paperthinheart · 18th June 2008, 12:57 AM

its just sooo hard to leave her with anyone knowing that alllll she does is scream... but then as soon as she hears my voice when i walk into the room she turns back into my wonderful, happy, bouncing baby... i just dont know what to do... my Hunny and i would love one night out where we can just be us... not mommy and daddy... sometimes we really do need a break but when you know your child is driving the sitter mad with her blood curling screams its tough to focus on the movie or supper or what ever else we are doing...

YARG!!!!!

how long does this anxiety usually last?

robkris8079 · 19th June 2008, 2:13 PM

Your baby doesn't have seperation anxiety, you do. I dealt with this. My daughters mother moved away and out of the blue my 1yo went from seeing mommy and daddy every second of the day to only seeing daddy. She was stuck on me like glue. I was getting so stressed out! I admit I used the highchair and her favorite DVD just to get a breather sometimes!

What I did was dealt with the screaming. I would walk away for a bit and then come back. You have to leave her sight. I just kept doing this and staying away for longer periods of time. It's just a stage and she will grow out of it. Then she will be like my daughter and always want to go and do things on her own. You will feel like she doesn't even care if your there or not. And your going to miss that feeling like your daughter can't live with out you even for a second.

As far as daycare goes your daughter will be fine. She will probably cry for 10 minutes and then be fine. That is as long as you don't make a big deal about leaving her there.

Goodluck! BTW drop her off at grandma's one night and you and the hubby go out! This is very important in your relationship. Just give your mom or his mom some earplugs

.

hcd03 · 4th August 2008, 6:27 PM

Separation anxiety can be a major concern when thinking about putting your child in daycare. Especially since she's currently in that "blood-curdling" scream phase.

She WILL grow out of it. What you may have to do (and what I had to do) is start her at the daycare. For the first week, she'll probably scream bloody murder when you leave. And she'll probably do that for up to half an hour after you've left. But eventually, she'll probably realize there's other kids to play with and a good daycare provider will have experience in dealing with separation anxiety. It can be really easy to get a child to get their mind off their parent when the provider can help them focus on other things. And that's not a bad thing. It will help your child begin establishing their own independence. And maybe then you won't have to deal with the blood-curdling screams.

The phase will end. You just need to be able to walk away from your daughter and let someone else care for her (like your husband or a family member.) That will help establish the security that you'll come back as well.