My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have two children and have been together for 11 years. When we met he told me about a woman that he really loved and how breaking up with her hurt him. They broke up because she would not leave the East coast. We live on the West coast. We eventually got married and have a life. Our marriage has been rocky. I believe he think he is better then me because he has a Ph.D. He wanted me to go back to school but I was not interested. Four months ago he hired a private investigator to find this woman he loved. They had not talked in 14 years. He found her and she too has her doctorate and is successful. He got her pregnant. I know this because my husband started acting different. happy I guess I can say. I found out through his email and text messages about this woman. She is pregnant and I called her and confronted him at the same time. She told me to ask MY husband who she was. I confronted her about her pregnancy and she said to leave her alone and dont look for answers if I was not willing to accept the answers. My husband begged this woman not to abort this child. I have told him that I want him to leave her alone and have nothing to do with the baby. he can send money but that is it. He refuse. I told him it might not be his baby and he said it is and SHE wants to make sure there is a DNA test so her child will be acknowledge. His family knows about this woman and her pregnancy and so does his friends. Apparently he never stopped talking about her for all of these years. I told him I was not giving him a divorce and I was not giving up my life and he is not leaving either. He said that is the problem I dont love him I love our lifestyle. I told the kids that their father was leaving us and he got really pist. Now he refuse to talk to me at all. I confronted him about getting this woman pregnant on purposes and he refuse to answer. He told me to stop asking questions when I did not want the truth. I threatened to call HER again and he got really upset and told me to leave her alone. He said uur problems have nothing to do with her and to leave her alone. He is protecting her when he should be proctecting me. I dont know what to do. All of this has happened in four months. I told him I did not want him to be there for the baby birth and he said that is not going to happen. I need help. We went two years without talking. I am not interested in the things that he is interested in. I told him I will go back to school if that is what he wants. he tells me that that is something that I need to do for myself not him. I am not giving up my marriage. We have been seeing a counselor. I also want to quit my job and be a housewife, he does not agree. Why would he agree to go to counseling if he does not love me. I heard a conversation that he had with this woman and he wants to move her and the baby to the West coast to be closer to her and the baby. What is he doing why would he want to buy her a home and move her to our city? Help
OMG!! I am a BW myself so please understand I have no reason to say this other than it is the truth. I am sorry this happened to you, however you are sounding extremely childish about this. I can't beleive that someone who is a mother would ever tell a man to never see his child. Even though the circumstances how this child was conceived SUCK, it isn't the childs fault. Nobody should ever take a childs father away!!!! He loves her, he doesn't love you anymore, sometimes people do fall out of love. Do the right thing and let him go. You have no right to MAKE a man stay married against his will...this is awful and manipulating.
I am sorry I sound harsh. I do think he should have told you once he struck things up with her again, instead of keeping you in the dark. But somehow I am getting the picture that he has been trying to tell you all along and you wouldn't listen. There is no way you can be happy with a man who loves someone else, you are only makeing him hate you by reacting the way you are. MC is not really for you guys. You need to go to IC to work through accepting and understanding what has happened, and keep you sane through your divorce.
Actually more to the point, in this day and age you don't get to say "I won't let you leave the M" anymore......... if he wants to D, he will and not a whole lot you can do about it.
Damn woman, I mean wake up and smell the coffee - he hired a PI to track her down fgs....... sounds like he had already checked out of your M by then
Your husband is a snake and honestly, I would let him go. I usually don't tell people to divorce without trying to save the marriage, especially since kids are involved, but in this case, I honestly don't see how your marriage is worth saving. Your husband is and has been inlove with another woman and as painful as it is for you to accept that, THAT is the reality. Sorry..
He will have to pay you child support and depending where you live, spousal support as well.
Get a good lawyer and divorce him. Let her have this jerk, you deserve better!
No we are not seperated. I have told him to leave if he wants to leave but he wont leave. We have been having problems for a while. He gets upset because I like american idol and he wants me to be all intellectual like him. He has been saying for a while that he is not happy and we wants us to talk it through. I will admit that I did not want to here it. Now, that this has happen with this chick he says that now I want to work it out when I knew all along before he contacted her that we had issues. He says that SHE is not the issue in our marriage. I think it is bull I told him to leave several times and he wont go. This is why I wonder if he is just doing something with this woman. Maybe making me jealous?
She isn't the issue in your marriage. He didn't seek her out until recently, but you guys have had problems for at least 2 yrs most likely much more. How is it you asked him to move out but you also told him you will not let him leave?
Do you have a prenuptial agreement?
no we dont. Our life has not been a bed of roses and when he bought the house through his VA 10 years ago I moved in with our first son at that time but the house is not in my name just his. but, by law I know that I am entitled to half of that. Are you saying that you believe he will leave? I told him to leave to see if he would leave and he didnt. If he did not want to be with me WHY is he still here? I know that I cant make him stay. But, he hasnt left. We are going on vacation with the kids this week. Are these the actions of a man who is planning to leave his wife?
no we dont. Our life has not been a bed of roses and when he bought the house through his VA 10 years ago I moved in with our first son at that time but the house is not in my name just his. but, by law I know that I am entitled to half of that. Are you saying that you believe he will leave? I told him to leave to see if he would leave and he didnt. If he did not want to be with me WHY is he still here? I know that I cant make him stay. But, he hasnt left. We are going on vacation with the kids this week. Are these the actions of a man who is planning to leave his wife?
He is staying in the house probably partially to be around the kids, and also like you he probably doesn't want to give up his lifestyle. The vacation doesn't really mean much. I took my H on a vacation to the islands for a week after I had left him, but I had no intention at that time of trying to work things out with him. I only invited him that time because I wanted his kids to always have family vacations as a whole family even if I hated my H. If you file for divorce I beleive you have a good chance of getting the house, either that or it will have to be sold and the profit split. If I were you I would tell him to leave like a real man, I wouldn't ask him nicely. He already made his choice when he got the OW pregnant. Be careful about your interactions with the OW, because in the end her child will be a sibling to your kids.
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