[Saxis]

We have a temp parenting plan filed through the court during the separation before the divorce. There was some initial confusion and arguing about custody at first, so it wasn't very detailed. Days and times were set but other visitation was pretty much open. She's the custodial parent and works at a daycare, so it makes sense that our daughter stays with her during the week. We both have weekends off and she thought it would be nice to alternate weekends to give each other some free days. I was pretty skeptical of my every-other week custody, but the free time has been rather nice... when it actually works out that way.

It first started to change when my X was cast in a play at the local theatre. Practices were Wednesdays which coincided with a hobby of my own. With a bit of flexibility, I took our daughter on those days after work, and most of the time on Thursdays as well. When the 5 weeks of performances came up with the practices, I was not only getting custody during two of the weekdays, but also every weekend. Now that the theatre stuff has been done for a couple weeks, I was expecting our schedule to return to normal. I started making other plans (including dates) on some of those days again.

X usually messages me at work asking about picking up our daughter, but yesterday, Wednesday, I had left my phone on the charger and forgot it when I left for work. I had to travel to another office that day and was rather busy. Never made it home to grab my phone, and I left from work to my evening plans. While there I made more dinner/date plans for tonight. I come home that night to a nasty message and voicemail about not responding to her about picking up our daughter and so forth. She called this morning, I answered and I hear more of it. She gets down to asking if I can watch her tonight then, and I tell her I already made plans. So she gets even more pissed. The "date" happens to be dinner at her boss' house with other kids and their dance recital. Something my daughter would really enjoy. I offered to ask if my daughter could come along, but my X apparently has jealousy issues with my "date" and said that wouldn't work. Instead, she asked me to cancel. So far I haven't changed my plans, and having to leave in a half hour gives me pretty short notice.

I can either live with my X calling me a selfish a-hole for a while and go ahead with my plans, but the flip side is that my daughter will be stuck in daycare until she gets off work. Personally, since this is regarding my X's work schedule, I think I deserve a little more notice than a few hours so I don't have to cancel all my plans, but I'd like to hear your opinions.

[Missy27]

I really hope that you didn't change your planslast night Saxis.

You need to set out a CLEAR parenting plan as far as who has your daughter and on what days ~ and STICK to it. As far as I can tell ~ your ex has used your daughter to try and mess things up with your social life for some time now ~ didn't she kick up a fuss about you not being able to have your DD on valentine's this year as soon as she found out that you had a date?? ~

And isn't it funny how she expects YOU to have DD at the drop of a hat when it's to HER benefit ~ but the other way round ~ no way ho~say ~ selfish cow she is. You need to set some severe boundaries in place Sax and put your foot down ~ she's obviously still got issues relating to you ACTUALLY HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE

[Saxis]

No I didn't change my plans. Had a great time last night, actually.

The wrath wasn't too bad... Only 1 text, 3 calls, a voicemail and 2 offline IMs. Then she tried IMing this morning while I was busy as hell at work. She threatened to contact my date again too.

"Desperation is a stinky cologne..."

[SingleDad]

I think most single dads wish they had your problem - especially day care age children.

Appreciate the extra time you have with your daughter - no savor it... I watch the clock tick by waiting to see my 2 year old daughter again.

Document the time you are given on a calendar for court records to show the court how your daughter took priority in your life. Your X is unknowingly giving the court evidence of her neglect/non-committal... and proof of your responsibility and flexibility. Write down each conversation as well for the record.

Any priority events are known in advance - have priority events put on X's calendar well in advance - events that can't be changed.

Non-priority Dates can be canceled / girlfriends come and go - But you only have one daughter - she will be in your life forever. Nothing is more important than her.

[delnoire]

I don't think you realize how easily your ex could simply take your daughter away. I understand you probably think that your dates and nights out on the town are important, but if your ex got fed up, she could just simply file for full custody and full placement and you'd be lucky to see your daughter a few days a month. Seriously, I wouldn't push your ex, she might just do something like that out of spite. And like the poster above me said, savor the time you do have with your daughter because as the father, your rights could disappear in a second. Girlfriends and bars are fun but remember your priorities. If you have to cancel a night out here and there, just remember, spending a night with daddy, is an even bigger deal to your daughter. She needs you right now (especially with a seperation) more than a potential girlfriend does, or your drinking buddies. Just wait until you get a set, concrete parenting schedule, preferably written and organized by the court, and then, when your rights are garaunteed, THEN let loose and party and date all the chicks in town, when its not on the days you have your daughter of course
I'm a dad whose been there. Trust me, when you go from seeing your daughter all the time, and then suddenly you get a letter from your lawyer saying "until further notice, your days of placement have been reduced to..." its the worst feeling in the world, and its one of the most helpless feelings also. You realize quickly what is really important, to both you and your daughter. Take advantage of your situation right now. Keep a record of the days you have taken her when your ex was supposed to have had her. It will come in handy during the custody arrangement at court. good luck.