[rachel90]

hi everyone
my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship but we've been together 4yrs and marriage is the ultimate goal. i knew that my boyfriend had bought me an engagement ring as he had told me, but the other night we were talking and he went on to say that he didnt understand why he was doing it and thought it was something stupid and that it was probably invented by a girl as a way to get jewelry.
since then i have told him that i dont want to wear his ring, as it doesnt mean anything to him and i feel like i'll be wearing it knowing that he didnt really want to get it. he is now really upset and says he realises why it means something.
im just confused i guess
any advice?

[Ronni_W]

I don't know -- maybe engagement rings are more significant to women...maybe just because traditionally women get a ring before the wedding ceremony. (There is a thread about why guys do NOT get a pre-ceremony ring -- that's worth pondering, too.)

To me, the important thing here is that he went out and bought it for you EVEN THOUGH he didn't understand it. That is, there was a level that he knew it was important FOR YOU, and he was quite happy to just make you happy...EVEN THOUGH he was somewhat confused as to why that particular thing would make you happy.

My guy does many things for me, or with me in mind, that he doesn't totally "get" what I get out of it. I adore him for his willingness to do that. I admire his ability to just accept my 'stuff' that is important to me, without having to understand every minute detail of it before he can act in ways that make me feel special.

Just my 2 cents but...I would wear that ring with pride and joy and pleasure .
Congrats on your engagement!

EDIT TO ADD: Not that he couldn't have voiced his confusion in a bit 'nicer' manner, mind you -- call it a mouth malfunction on his part, and you guys will have something to laugh about on your 10th wedding anniversary.

[Lauriebell82]

I agree with Ronni that if he is giving you the ring to wear, you should wear it. I think the reason men buy women engagement rings is because they know how much it means to them and they want to make them happy. I mean spending a fortune on a sparkly ring that they will never wear probably isn't something that they are looking forward to. So the fact that your boyfriend STILL wants you to have the ring makes it okay.

I agree that you should wear the ring with pride that he loves you that much to get you one.

[frozensteps]

I like that term. MMM - "Male Mouth Malfunction. When a guy just happens to say the wrong thing at the wrong time."

You know, if members of the feminine persuasion would keep that in mind every once in a while, we'd all do a lot better.