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Afraid to say "I DO"
I have been in a relationship for 7 plus years. I love this man very much and we communicate and get a long very well. He is 62 and I am 54 we are not getting any younger and this is the time in our lives to live life to its fullist. Problem....after 6 years I left him because I needed a commitment from him....he asked me back and we became engaged. A year later we split for a time because I explained to him that I needed to be married and live under one roof (we have never lived together).
Well we got back together again...I had given back the engagement ring and he had sold it (we where apart for 2 months) So we are back together and he says he wants to get me another ring...we havent found one we both like. But he really hasnt put much effert into looking either..I mentioned it last night while we where out...he said dont give him a heart attack...so I dropped it after he said in the same breath...I am afraid to get married I dont want to give up my independance...this is coming from a man that wants me to go everywhere with him even getting gas in his car.
I own my own home...he owns his own home. He comes to my house on the weekends. I cook, clean, plan, do his bills, in general I do everything a wife does but I am not the wife. I know stupid huh?
His wife died 13 years ago and he had to boys in there teens and had his mother come live with him to take care of them. She still lives there and is some what of a witch to me any way and my bf can not stand her and calls her a *itch all the time (not to her face) so that is why he is at my house on the weekends...a getaway.
As you get older you realize that life is to short to put things off until tomorrow because tomorrow might not be there. His children are out of the house and have been for a long time...my children are out of the house and have been for a long time. I need the security of a marraige, I want the security of a marraige.
I have gotten myself in a depression over all of this. My kids say dump his ass...but as we all know...when you love someone it is hard. I feel lost and confused and really dont understand his fear. He says his first wife spent alot of his money and he doesnt want that to happen again. His late wife was an alcoholic/drug user/and killed herself. I am nothing like that at all nothing.
I am good and kind and loving and give more to him than I do to others or myself. I tell you hurt at any age is hard...sometimes harder when you are in the second half of your life. I am lost and need some input to maybe might help me see things differently.
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