So I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I really feel like I want to marry him- I want him to propose to me soon. I don't want to bring it up to him b/c he will prob think it is premature to. He also has told me he isn't really marriage material, although I think that will change over time. What do I have to do to get him to propose?
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So I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I really feel like I want to marry him- I want him to propose to me soon. I don't want to bring it up to him b/c he will prob think it is premature to.
6-months is rather speedy. What is the rush?
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Originally Posted by lovestruck818
He also has told me he isn't really marriage material,
He has spoken. Men tend to state their feelings rather bluntly. So bluntly that women are reluctant to believe them.
If you were you, I would take him at his word.
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Originally Posted by lovestruck818
although I think that will change over time.
You cannot change anyone but yourself, forget about changing him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovestruck818
What do I have to do to get him to propose?
You, of course, could propose to him. You cannot make him propose to you.
Six months is plenty of time to get infatuated with someone, and think you may want to marry them. Rarely is it mutual. It isn't in your case.
People can and do marry after six months - sometimes that infatuation deepens into love and mutual bonds that last, and sometimes that infatuation festers into disillusion and you are looking at a divorce in under five years.
What to do? Stop trying to change him. Date and appreciate the man he is rather than bide your time waiting for him to change into the man you want him to be. If you don't, you'll lose him.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
So I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I really feel like I want to marry him-
You are infatuated. 6 months is way too soon. I agree with LB - those who marry too soon will probably end up disillusioned and divorce. At 6 months you do not really know a person. There is no need to rush marriage IMO.
What are your bf's thoughts on marriage, other then he's not the marriage type? How does he feel about fiances when married? How will in-laws be handled, and holidays shared? What are his thoughts on the concept of marriage and how does that relate to his life?
What do you really know about your bf and his thoughts on the institution of marriage?
Seems as if you want marriage in order to feel locked-in to the relationship, while your bf is more geared toward taking it one day at a time.
6 months isn't a really long time to be together to be thinking seriously about marriage. Your boyfriend told you he isn't marriage material..that means he isn't interested in getting married.
If you want to get married then I strongly suggest you think long and hard about whether this is the man that you should be with. If he is saying that he isn't marriage material and it is bothering you so early in your relationship, imagine how you are going to feel a year from now, 2 years, ect.
sloooowwww your roll! If your going to be with him forever then you could wait a little longer to tie the knot. Since he clearly stated he's not marriage material then he isn't; guys speak clearly and do not have codes like us women do.
Let your relationship grow and become what it is supposed to be- don't force marriage on the poor guy and ESP. from the way that your speaking (don't try to get preggers).
take it slow or you'll crash and burn your relationship faster than a nascar race.
the hare never wins the race.
__________________ Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.-Bishop Jeremy Taylor
Last edited by saraispiel19; 20th June 2008 at 9:13 AM.
So I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I really feel like I want to marry him- I want him to propose to me soon. I don't want to bring it up to him b/c he will prob think it is premature to. He also has told me he isn't really marriage material, although I think that will change over time. What do I have to do to get him to propose?
Vows don't change a man, I can tell that is exactly what you are thinking. Wait and see if it does change over time. Don't take your vows with someone who isn't husband material...or you will really kick yourself over this HUGE oversight.
I remember you made a thread a little while ago about wanting him to move in with you after 3 months, but him not wanting to. This seems to be a pattern. Do you have some sort of insecurity that makes you want to force him into being stuck with you before he actually has the time to get to know you? Are you hiding some weird flaw that you want to trap him in before you show him?
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It is because he cannot give an accurate account of the reason for his emotions that even the wisest man is fanatical on the subject of music.
- Stendhal
I remember you made a thread a little while ago about wanting him to move in with you after 3 months, but him not wanting to. This seems to be a pattern. Do you have some sort of insecurity that makes you want to force him into being stuck with you before he actually has the time to get to know you? Are you hiding some weird flaw that you want to trap him in before you show him?
My ex and I got engaged at the 8 month mark. He bought the ring for Christmas, did the whole one-knee thing, and made it all very romantic. Strange thing is, once he was actually in front of me with the ring in the box, I felt oddly detached from the whole moment. It was totally surreal.
Six months later, we agreed to end the engagement by mutual consent.
I can tell you from experience that rushing is not smart. Also, although both of us were on board with getting engaged and both of us wanted to be married, we eventually learned that we had very different concepts of "engagement" and "marriage". I assumed that having the ring on my finger meant that things would start progressing towards the ultimate goal of acheiving the marriage.
After two months of resistence over discussing finding a house, we eventually started looking, but we couldn't find anything that both of us liked in a price range he felt comfortable with. When I brought up wedding plans in a very vague way (ex. "Do we want a wedding, or should we just elope?"), he kept telling me that we had penty of time to decided that the wedding was a "long way off". When I asked him to define a "long way off", he couldn't.
After six months of similar issues and talking to each other in circles, I think we came to realize that we just moved too far too fast, that we probably weren't suited to each other, and we were so rapped up in the romance and sexual chemistry that we forgot to focus on some really important details, like our future goals, our vision of what we want marriage to be, and our concept of what defines the role of "wife" and "husband".
It turns out that we were not on the same page where a lot of this was concerned.
Get to know him. Don't assume that you are moving towards the same goal (marriage). Especially, don't assume that if he eventually decides he would like to marry you that his vision of a marriage will be the same as yours.
One thing I will not do is be negative about what can be the right thing for you.
Yes it may seem fast for those who don't believe in love at first sight. But, this is your relationship and your heart. You have to know your partner VERY well (which usually mean there is something of a spiritual nature to your love vice just emotions and sexual attraction). All I can advice is to think well of what you are about to do. Go to some premarital courses (they are awesome because the make you go through scenarios, answer questions, and really sit down an look at more than just your partner and yourself, but also the many events and trials that comes with being married).
I am going to tell you, it just might work with you two, IF you both have faith and superb communication skills. I know of a couple in the Air Force who had been married for like 10 or 12 years, and they met only once in an airport and by chance met back up a few months after their meeting and they got married, the courtship wasn't even 6 months. They have a beautiful young girl and adopted a handsome young boy. One could feel the love that was NOT worldly designed.
So, in short, you have to know yourself first, know and trust your partner (on such a level that is not known to flesh), and seriously work towards that day (that means talking with married people, taking counseling (which is good even if nothing is wrong), etc.).
DNR
I wish you luck and really take ALL these comments and thoughts into heart and understand why each one of us are saying what we are saying.
I would have to disagree with you DNR. The OP has a pattern of wanting to push the relationship onto this guy before he's ready.
Here's a way to look at it:
If you know each other so perfectly that you could get married today and it last a lifetime, waiting a little while can't hurt a thing. In fact, waiting would show the strength of your relationship and depth of your commitment.
He's already said he's not ready so you obviously need to wait.
My brother and his wife got married after like 4 months and they are still married today and it has been 4 years so far.
It is about communication. With communication you find you two find your ground and level of compromise. And this is why I say time (like with age, race, gender, etc.) is a matter for you and your partner to talk about. What one feel may not be what you will experience. And no, no one can ever know their partner perfectly, we only know what our partner reveal and what we are willing to see.
My brother and his wife got married after like 4 months and they are still married today and it has been 4 years so far.
My parents got engaged after two months and spent nearly thirty years in an abusive and miserable marriage before finally getting divorced. What's your point? There's an exception to every rule, but unless the op is spending every minute of those six months together and in the throes of intense, revealing communication, there's no way she can know him well enough to know if she could get along with him for the rest of her life (and probably not even then).
I think what it coems down to, and everyone with just a little sense will agree: six months is too early. If you have something good, why rush it?
My parents got engaged after two months and spent nearly thirty years in an abusive and miserable marriage before finally getting divorced. What's your point? There's an exception to every rule, but unless the op is spending every minute of those six months together and in the throes of intense, revealing communication, there's no way she can know him well enough to know if she could get along with him for the rest of her life (and probably not even then).
I think what it coems down to, and everyone with just a little sense will agree: six months is too early. If you have something good, why rush it?
The point is this...We can give her all the advice here we want. I have known some short term relationships that have come to great and beautiful marriages. So, not everything is negative. The whole thing, rather she waits or not has to deal with communication and trust and compromise and a spiritual level that is beyond what many people can not perceive let alone accept. And my brother and sister-in-law are non-abusive to each other. Not to mention the story about about the Air Force family I met where the man and woman meet briefly at an airport and happened to meet again and within a few months was married and have a lovely family. So, the bad things you have experienced does not mean she will experience it.
It takes a person who walks in faith to step out on it to trust their path. And I am a man of too much sense actually, I wish I had that kind of faith in my choices that she does. And just because everyone in the world agrees, it does not make it true or right.
Lastly who says it is a rush? How do you know if she and/or he is not ready? There have been people who waited years and wound up wasting it on someone who fell out of being ready. So, yes, in all things one NEEDS to proceed with caution if they have not faith and/or trust. But, if they believe that their path is directed and they are told to move, they'd better heed.
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