Hi, I am a 24 year old male and have only been in one serious relationship-5 years ago. I have a pretty difficult time talking to women I am particularly interested in and I usually let opportunity whisk by (a lot of times).
I guess it has to do with my self esteem of not being good enough for the person I like hence too scared to engage. I also fear rejection a lot of times.
For the people here who have experienced this, how did you get over it?
(I just had to post this because a person that I really like is now gone and I had plenty of opportunity to engage her before...its really frustrating)
This is exactly the same topic I wanted to discuss so I'd like to see what people have to say. I'm 23 years old and have never had a relationship, no girlfriend ever. Honestly I feel completely pathetic, it grates me that I can't seem to have the confidence to talk to girls. I feel like this is a step I need to take soon or it'll be years before, if ever it happens. I have trouble thinking that a girl would even talk to me. And I keep setting goals that even when I achieve them I can't seem to bring the courage to talk to break the ice. The last goal I set was to get my BS which I did last year. And now I've told myself that once I've finished medical school (Start in August) that I will try again. I realize that is stupid, but I can't break free. I keep feeling like I need to own a home, have a career set before I try, but its killing me that I can't even take a step in the right direction.
Hopefully I made the_backstabber feel less pathetic in this department, since I'm as scared to engage as well.
20 years old, 2 failed attempts, 2 at dating stage (girls in question did the approaching) talking here so take this with a grain of salt if you wish.
On the notion of rejection, I think there should be an acceptance that it's part of the process. If you can't, you'll waste craploads of time just trying to get your senses back (took me close to 18 months after my first failed attempt before I took another shot). My tip is to keep rejection out of your mind until it actually happens.
On the notion of self esteem, I find that you need to recognize your positives and use that as a launching pad for a mindset of "Hey, these are the things that I do/can do".
On actually talking to a girl:
1. When you first go up to them, cut down the time between the thought of talking to her and actually doing it. The more thought you put into it, the more you'll get nervous and not actually doing it or stuffing up.
2. If you have trouble, use your girl friends as practice. Not as in flirt with them, but talk to them just so you're used to talking to the opposite sex in general.
My only advice is that girls often feel the same way, I know I did! I know so many people who liked me, and I realize it now, but I didn't then. Ask a girl to get a cup of coffee, go out to eat, see a movie, whatever. But do it often, eventually you'll probably get more comfortable with it. And, asking out a lot of people is bound to yield results. If you can't find people you're willing to go out with, try going to more events- conventions, performances, concerts, book signings. If I could give my "old self" some advice, that's what I would do.
You aren't very nice, I can see why people don't like you. I was just telling you what I had problems with, I wasn't trying to be an *******, like you did to me.
Ok, so I was in one long term relationship and I'd say by chance I met her.
Then we broke up and I was distraught, I found this David Deangelo's double your dating.. Look up his e-book his DVD's or download them illegally however you can get them. This will explain alot about women and alot about ways to combat your fears.
Since that relationship, I've been on several dates had 2 relationships with one that ended because she cheated on me and this gave me th confidence to not let it phse me and move on knowing I deserved more.
I am now in a relationship that we have been together for a year and a half now and I feel good and prepared that if anything happens I at least have the skills to try again with someone else.
I think with david Deangelo's stuff or any of the other PUA stuff you need to hit rock bottom and be willing to learn. My friend told me about it while I was with my first long term girlfriend and I thought this is bull****, but now it's opened my eyes.
I struggled to meet people when I went out due to low self confidence so I thought I'd give online dating a go. Even just to chat to people a bit. That way they could get to know me behind a computer so I wouldn't have the nerves etc to deal with then when times right meet up. I met one bloke to start with then the second bloke I met I went out with for just short of 2 years. (don't know what happended just ended suddenly) but it was good it did because then I met the best man ever and I am currently going out wiv him now! Best thing I ever did was to try the online thing. Just have to not bother about what people think of the online dating although alot more people think it's good and are trying it! You just have to BE CAREFUL and if you meet up make sure someone goes with you!!!
Hope you get the confidence soon!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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