Is it weird that my BF son (8 years old) practically shares a room with him. I'm talking clothes, toys and books. My BF said that stems from his divorce and at that time it was easier for his son to cope. I'm not around other children so is this normal???
I also thought it was weird when my BF son had a friend over and all three of them slept in one room and I slept in another. Is that normal???
When his son has sleepovers, he doesn't do well and has to get picked up. It happened this weekend!
I've mentioned the sleeping arrangements before and it usually results in a fight. He says his son is perfectly okay with sleeping in his own room....my question is, then why doesn't he do it.
My BF and I do not sleep in the same room when his son is around, and reason is we are not married. I still think sharing a room with your son is wierd. Am I weird??
Is it weird that my BF son (8 years old) practically shares a room with him. I'm talking clothes, toys and books. My BF said that stems from his divorce and at that time it was easier for his son to cope. I'm not around other children so is this normal???
I also thought it was weird when my BF son had a friend over and all three of them slept in one room and I slept in another. Is that normal???
When his son has sleepovers, he doesn't do well and has to get picked up. It happened this weekend!
I've mentioned the sleeping arrangements before and it usually results in a fight. He says his son is perfectly okay with sleeping in his own room....my question is, then why doesn't he do it.
My BF and I do not sleep in the same room when his son is around, and reason is we are not married. I still think sharing a room with your son is wierd. Am I weird??
I think you're reading way too much into this. Divorce is a chaotic, disruptive and disorienting experience for everyone involved, especially children. When dealing with a stressful situation like this, kids tend to cling and regress. Your attitude only adds more stress to the situation as you seem to want your BF to choose between you or his son. Tread lightly...
My BF and I do not sleep in the same room when his son is around, and reason is we are not married. I still think sharing a room with your son is wierd. Am I weird??
No, you aren't weird, the sleeping arrangements are weird and IMHO may be a sign of emotional problems to come for this child. When I was young, I would sneak into my parents room at night and sleep on the floor next to their bed. Why? I felt safe and secure. Normal behavior perhaps at age 5, though I believe I did it until age 8 or so. That need to "seek out security" has haunted me into adulthood, and was part of the reason I lost my GF and wound up on this site in the first place.
That's not to say that this kid is clinically depressed, but it certainly isn't a normal situation, IMO.
a lot less weird than someone who encourages their 19 year old to sleep in the marital bed (he is an adult onset schizoid and this started after he had his first "episodes" requiring hospitalisation)
LOL, This is probably the 3rd or so time I've weighed in on similar situations.
Yes, it's werd and it's not doing ANYONE any favors. As a single mom ( who breast fed up until the first B-day) I did have my daughter sleep with me in her younger years. By the time Kindergarten ( 5 yrs old) rolled around, it was time to sleep in her own room.
There were some tears at first, but I would stay with her, read to her, until she was asleep, and after a while, it wasn't a big deal at all.
The reason I am NOT dating my dear friend, a good looking doctor, is because his 11 yr old and 8 yr old sleep in his bed, while I go in the guest room. They are very spoiled in other ways too.
Many kids go through divorce or WORSE, I think not aiding them in going through the developmetal stages is enabling and ultimately unhealthy.
just my opinion ! ( again )
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"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all it's pupils." - Louis-Hector Berlioz
I think you're reading way too much into this. Divorce is a chaotic, disruptive and disorienting experience for everyone involved, especially children. When dealing with a stressful situation like this, kids tend to cling and regress. Your attitude only adds more stress to the situation as you seem to want your BF to choose between you or his son. Tread lightly...
Mr. Lucky
Also, the two people I know who were wracked with guilt over their divorces and therefoe coddled their sons, now have sons in their 20's and mama is still paying their rent, bailing them out of their DUI's etc !
ENABLING HELPS NO ONE. My husband is DEAD because his mommy enabled him right into the grave !!!!
Also, the two people I know who were wracked with guilt over their divorces and therefoe coddled their sons, now have sons in their 20's and mama is still paying their rent, bailing them out of their DUI's etc !
ENABLING HELPS NO ONE. My husband is DEAD because his mommy enabled him right into the grave !!!!
Boy, is that a leap of faith !!! From comforting your child during a stressful transition to DUI's and lazy twenty-somethings. And then the next step is death?
I never said anything about guilt. What I said was that divorce is hard on everyone involved, especially children. I'm not sure how ignoring their pain helps them to grow up to be responsible adults...
I don't have much of a problem with him sharing a bed with his 8 year old son, but I find it highly inappropriate for him to sleep in the room with his son and the friend.
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Wash me away, clean your body of me
Erase all the memories
They will only bring us pain
And I've seen all I'll ever need
I don't think this is weird. After my parents' split, my mom could only afford a two-bedroom apartment. The girls and mom in one room, and brother in the small room. That was it.
If your bf is sharing a bed with his son, that's not weird either from where I come from. The kid is only 8 years' old. Now if he was 12 or older, then yeah, kind of strange. Not sharing a bedroom, but a bed. But it doesn't seem like your bf is sharing a bed with his son--is he? Still, the kid is 8. I don't see this as a big deal.
Hum... I think it could be 'normal' for a short period of time after the divorce.. if the child shows sign of disturbance.. but I think it is UNhealthy if it goes on and on.. the child needs to learn to cope with pain .. and the dad needs to help him with that. Maybe the child would benefit from counselling with a professional.
I would question it even more.. as it is very unusual for the 3 of them (the kid and the friend) to sleep in the same room..
You know it's not written on anyone's forehead that they are pedophiles.. I'm not saying he is.. but he might be.
I would question it and keep my eyes WIDE OPEN.. at all times. this guy is weird.. IMO.
__________________ One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
I don't have much of a problem with him sharing a bed with his 8 year old son, but I find it highly inappropriate for him to sleep in the room with his son and the friend.
I thought the exact same thing. Does that kids parents know that he slept in the same bed? I would have a problem with that and not let my kid sleep over there anymore......
Anyway, his 8 year old son needs to learn to sleep on his own. I wonder though how much of this isn't about the son but about the dad. HE may feel comfy having his child in bed with him, maybe there's an issue there that needs to be addressed.
It's one thing for him to wake up in the middle of the night and crawl into his dad's bed, that's normal for most little ones, but he really ought to be in his own bed, learning to feel safe in his own room. That's what tons of stuffed animals are for, night lights etc..
Thank you for your responses as they are greatly appreciated. I'm sorry for not making the sleeping arrangements with his son's friend very clear, the friend slept on the floor but I still think it's strange. I completely understand the stress on a child after a divorce and parents doing whatever they can to make their child comfortable but he's been divorced for 3 years. I also understand financial difficulty but this is not the case in this situation (4 bedroom in the house). I completely agree it's unhealthy and at this age he should at least try to sleep in this own room. Our relationship is serious and absolutely wonderful and eventually we will get married. I want my transition into their home to be nonthreatening. The last thing I would want is his son to feel like he's getting kicked out of his room. How should I bring this up??
How is his son with you in general? He obviously knows you and his dad are a couple.
3 years divorced and he is still allowing his son to sleep with him? I thought it was more recent. Enough is enough. He has to get his son to sleep alone, but if you tell him this, he'll just get angry and feel invaded.
It was WRONG of him to sleep on the floor while his son had a sleepover with his friend. He should have slept in the same room as you.
So you aren't living there fulltime, just having sleepovers on occasion? How long have you been with him?
One last question - Sorry - But did you meet him while he was already divorced or was he in the process of divorcing while he was with you? If so, this might have something to do with what is happening now.
How is his son with you in general? He obviously knows you and his dad are a couple.
3 years divorced and he is still allowing his son to sleep with him? I thought it was more recent. Enough is enough. He has to get his son to sleep alone, but if you tell him this, he'll just get angry and feel invaded.
It was WRONG of him to sleep on the floor while his son had a sleepover with his friend. He should have slept in the same room as you.
So you aren't living there fulltime, just having sleepovers on occasion? How long have you been with him?
One last question - Sorry - But did you meet him while he was already divorced or was he in the process of divorcing while he was with you? If so, this might have something to do with what is happening now.
His son and I get along great but as far as knowing we are a couple....I'm sure he knows but he has made it clear to me that I'm his dad's friend. I think that may be normal for an 8 year old but then again my BF and I had a conversation wondering if his son knows we are a couple. We assumed he must know and dropped the convo.
My BF has his son 50% of the time and I only spend weekends there (so really 2 weekends of the month). I want to make sure he and his dad get alone time without me around. We've been dating for 1 1/2 yrs but we are casually looking for property together and plan on getting married in the near future. In the begining, I completely understand why we needed to sleep seperately but now....I'm not so sure. I agree this needs to change but it's such a touchy subject. Not sure exactly how to approach it???
P.S. When I met him, he'd been divorced for a littles less than2 years and seperated for a while.
Just wanted to make sure you weren't part of the reason why he is divorced......
Well, gently talk to him about talking to his son about you. He needs to explain to his son that you are daddy's girlfriend and that you will be around more often. He also needs to let his ex-wife know as well. (She knows about you, I take it?)
Don't assume he knows. Some 8 year old boys are clueless and especially at that age, dad having sex, let alone kissing, is gross to him.
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!!! From comforting your child during a stressful transition to DUI's and lazy twenty-somethings. And then the next step is death?
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