In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I've just stumbled across this thread and noticed it had sort of died down.
I identify completely and totally with the OP and it sort of seems our whole psychological make-up seems incongruent with being attractive personas.
In my case, for example, I feel, as you that nobody is really noticing me, and there are insights as follows:
- may not be excuding warm and friendly types of vibes.
- view interacting with people to chat in a level like a chore rather than fun.
- typically do not smile and quite shy.
- typical nice guy and non-aggressive.
- looks factor.
So, it seems like everything comes together like some sort of perfect storm.
Obviously, you like to get some sort of reinforcement out there to see people opening up to you to some degree, or feel like they could be wanting you to ask them out. Even though it's the man's role to approach, it's still pretty hard to do if you get no IOI's or anyone even noticing you.
1) I was thinking of experimenting with self-hypnosis or trying a hypnotherapist, or cognitive-behavioural therapy to re-program some of the negative-self talk that's in the mind.
2) Really try pheneromes -- these are chemicals that you spray on your body, like some lucky charm to attract girls, and women are supposed to get attracted to you if they can sniff some of it coming from you.
Since the past few years I was thinking of trying # 2, but think that's rather far to go -- but now I'm rethinking about it -- even if it doesn't work, at least you know you tried it. It seems a bit like witchcraft though -- on the same level as love-potions -- even though it's covered with a 'scientific' garment, so it makes me cautious about trying.
Hypnosis -- re-programming any subconcious or unconcious influences that are impeding any healthy sort of expression towards women, may also help, because you feel good when you can express yourself in an effective way that makes you get a connection, which is what we both want.
In a sence, lots of interactions with women occur in a subconcious or unconcious level anyway - they have this 3 second rule for approaching, or if you can make a spontaneous and natural connection, then this could also help, but you have to be in a relaxed state of mind where you are not worried for that to work -- so I guess that hypnosis thing sounds interesting.
I wouldn't try it though because I'm not comfortable with the idea - but hey, maybe you could try it and let us all know how these ideas go.
Last edited by Admiral Thrawn; 26th May 2008 at 10:31 PM.
I honestly wouldn't worry about therapy or self-hypnosis or self-help books. The best thing is to just get used to smiling at people. It's something my father taught me when I was young and it works wonders. Just get used to smiling and the rest will come naturally.
I honestly wouldn't worry about therapy or self-hypnosis or self-help books. The best thing is to just get used to smiling at people. It's something my father taught me when I was young and it works wonders. Just get used to smiling and the rest will come naturally.
Well, the thing I've been doing lately is handing out Gospel tracts to try to bridge a connection, and it seems to be working somewhat. At least I have a mind on people's souls and am not totally selfish.
The smiling thing, in exerience, doesn't work with me. Usually when I smile at women, they rapidly look the other way and do not respond back in a way that makes it worthwhile to even try. It's like I may as well be greeting them with my middle finger with the type of responses I get back for my smiles.
The hypnosis thing again (and possibly behavioural cogntive science) is the only thing that addresses negative self-talk confident issues, which is why I would be interested in it, at least to try it out and see if it works for me.
For example, if you are still programmed to feel that you have no confidence and come across as desperate all the time -- then a forced weak approval-seeking smile is worst than no smile at all as it's still devoid of confidence. People see you smile at them and wonder wtf is wrong with you.
I'm through with smiling, and unless someone is particularly receptive, then maybe it may be a good idea because it shows you are friendly, but otherwise, it doensn't seem to help with any connections.
Last edited by Admiral Thrawn; 28th May 2008 at 6:54 PM.
It's weird. As a teenager/early 20's I'd have bouts of forcing a smile from contrived confidence and didn't get any good vibes or IOIs from women. I've stopped doing that for a while now. I smile when I want to, I don't when I don't. I've gotten way more IOI, flirting, etc when I'm not smiling and am just sincere rather than fake happy.
I think sincerity projects more confidence than forced smiles. It's not hard for frowns to turn upside down when nice girls talk to you or give you approving glances (not saying I had any recently but that's ok).
__________________ Lay your heart. Lay your soul. Upon my magic carpet. Now we are flying To Venus just to kill some time for tea, OK? Remember. Surrender. There's nothing you can do Cause love's such a joke Like a little jack in the box you know? A little jack in the box.
Ok, I just had to try it out. After much introspection and debating with myself I've decided to take the plunge.
I made an online purchase of a pheremone - which cost $ 40.00, and it was the top rated product on an independent site that had multiple products which were rated and offers a 100% money back guarantee (although I probably wont use it because the shipping costs are like $ 20, then there may be an additional $ 20 in customs) -- if I ship it back I have to pay another $ 20, it's like arrgh. They had other specials they were offering, but I made sure I ordered the smallest thing they had - therefore if it doesn't work, whatever, I wont have to worry about having to recover a larger bill, and if it does work, I'll eat the $ 15 shipping costs this time and just buy more later if necessary.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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