He used his great grandmothers ring..

MJTig · 2nd June 2008, 1:46 PM

While I think she is being a spoiled brat about it, and I am guessing it is mostly about the size of the ring, etc.-- I am wondering if there is not another dynamic hidden in there.

I wonder if her FMIL is at all pushy or overbearing, if she pushes her opinion on them a lot and OP has to "deal with it". If there is a history of that between them, she would see it in a whole different light.

So, while doubtful and she still has to be a big girl about it, I can see if she feels as though this did not come from HIM but his mom she may feel as though she "butted in" and now she has to wear this heirloom that her MIL told her son to propose with, not something he chose. She may feel as though she is marrying his mom, not him.

But if her FMIL is a sweet woman who wants to include her in the family, the girl needs to take a deep breath about it.

lovestruck818 · 2nd June 2008, 1:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacquelyn8685

I just got engaged and the way he tells it, the day he was planning on going to buy the ring, his mother gave him his great grandmother's ring and said that she had wanted him to give it to his future wife.. so he did... here's the thing.. not only is it small (maybe a 1/2 ct...) and round (I wanted princess cut) but its white AND yellow gold.. and I hate yellow gold.. I know he would probably agree to have it fixed to be only white gold, but my biggest issue with this ring is that I feel like its not really mine.. its used.. and I hate that he didn't pick it out!! I want something that came from his heart.. not something that his mom said "here use this". I could live with it being small.. aside from everyones reactions when they see it "oh.. its pretty" instead of "WOW!" that most people get... but I still hate that he didn't have to put thought into it, and that it used to be on someone else's finger..... its driving me to tears when I look at it. I love him with all of my heart and if I know hes going to be upset, I won't tell him... but whenever I look at it I'm going to feel like I got a little bit jipped. What should I do?

wow, why are you being picky about a ring? I think it's nice that it was his great grandma's ring...it's a part of his family that is obvious very sentimental. Furthermore, you are incredibly lucky to have someone propose to you. I would kill for my boyfriend to propose to me. He can give me a ringpop ring for I care. I think you need to wake up and be appreciative and realise just how lucky you are. Some people never get to feel that way.

luvmy2ns · 2nd June 2008, 2:10 PM

Her poor fiance.

Karyyk · 2nd June 2008, 3:25 PM

I wonder if she'd prefer to marry a self-absorbed jerk who gave her a fancy, large-carat ring to make himself look good? Probably.

Another fine example of a poster coming to have a choice she'd already made affirmed, then getting pissy when people are actually straight with her.

Kenyth · 2nd June 2008, 3:51 PM

Far be it from me to go against popular opinion here, but I don't think it's completely unreasonable for her to want her own ring. She may be over the top about it, but I think she just may want something new, that they picked out together especially for her. Frankly, her fiance should have already known her preference on this and stuck to the plan.

Now that he's accepted, and offered Grandma's ring to her, things are a bit awkward. One way out of it is for him to get the ring she wants and pretend it was already purchased when Grandma's ring was given to him. I mean, he certainly didn't want to hurt Mom's feelings and not accept it. After that, they just didn't know what to do! Now that they've had a chance to discuss it, would it be OK if she wears it on her right hand during the ceremony in rememberance of grandma and uses the actual wedding ring they bought for her left hand?