I have a married coworker that I have been friends with for just under a year now. Up until this point, we only hung out at work on breaks and lunches aside from a handful of outings to the bar accompanied by other work colleagues. I have never met a woman that I had such strong feelings for, and got along with so well.
Last week we hung out with some friends from work at a bar. We both left the bar at the same time but when I got into my car, she called me and asked if she could stop over my house to talk to me. We had a drink together as she proceeded to tell me that she was no longer in love with her husband for an array of reasons, and that she has had very strong feelings for me for some time now. She said that she thinks of me all of the time and needed to let me know. She ended up trying to kiss me, but I wouldn't let her.
I told her that I have the same feelings but if she is having troubles at home, that she should confront her husband about them and try to work them out. I also said that If things didn't get better, she should leave him on that basis and not because she has feelings for me. I truly do not want to "steal" someone’s wife and I certainly am not going to think of him in a negative light, as I simply do not know him.
She ended up leaving that night without a kiss. However, she did stop by my house last night. We did end up kissing and yes, it did lead to us making love. It was great. It didn't feel like the first time, it felt natural as if we knew each other’s body and what each of us wanted.
Now here is the long drawn out question... What do we do? We both don't know. Do we continue? Do we just go back to being friends? I am single and would love her to be with me... no problem there. But if she were to get a divorce, she is not only leaving her husband, she is leaving a lot of family and friends. Not to mention a nice house. It's a lot of pressure on me because like I said, I don't want her to leave him for me. What if I am not the man she thinks I am? What if I can't live up to her expectations? She would have left everything for someone who does not exist. Help!
You say goodbye to her and tell her to call you when she is divorced (with the papers in her hand).
If you continue having sex with her, all you'll be is the OM in an affair. The chances of her leaving won't happen because she'll get used to having TWO men in her life (cake eating) and she won't do anything to change that.
Go read stampdaddy's threads, and also cagney's threads. Ratingsguy, oyster are afew more OM names that come to my mind. (In the OM/OW section, but if you can't find their posts, do a site search on their username) Read up and learn about what you're up against.
At the end of the day, she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you as well. She's leaving everything behind for you, do you think you can take her husband's place and take better care of her. Already you admit you dont want her to leave him for you, but that's what she's doing now.
If you catch something off the little escapades because someone wasnt wearing protection dont cry about it.
__________________
This gun means you are the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men, but I'm trying, I'm trying real hard to be the sheppard...
[quote=Chrome Barracuda;1644731]At the end of the day, she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you as well.
I have to disagree here. I know quite a few couples who are married now, who were seeing each other before they divorced their first spouses, and never would cheat on whom they left their spouse for. That simply isn't true. If you are in a marriage that you shouldn't be in, and you end up finding the right person, and you leave your spouse for this right person, there is no reason you would cheat again. The right person is the right person.
Maybe she just wants an affair and excitemnt. You can't trust her. You may fall in love, invest your feelings. think that she is going to leave her husband and then in the end she does not. Like most cheating spouses they ususally don't leave their spouses. Think of her husband and how you would feel if you were in his shoes. Tell her to show you divorce papers before you proceed any further.
If you proceed with her one day you will be in her husband's position.
again- not neccessarily. My dad cheated and married the one he cheated with and they have been happily married for about 25 years with no cheating.
I also Have 2 friends who married the OW and OM respectively, and neither of them has a desire to cheat- they were just married to the wrong person the first time 'round.
I mean, I am sure it happens, but you can't generalize because much of the time it doesn't.
again- not neccessarily. My dad cheated and married the one he cheated with and they have been happily married for about 25 years with no cheating.
I also Have 2 friends who married the OW and OM respectively, and neither of them has a desire to cheat- they were just married to the wrong person the first time 'round.
I mean, I am sure it happens, but you can't generalize because much of the time it doesn't.
Of course there are exceptions but a dishonest woman is a dishonest woman or man for that matter. The same lying and cheating ways still exist after she has left her husband.
Exactly what woggle said. I mean yeah smartwoman sometimes it works but let me ask you a question what kind of exammple does it set for the kids when your father do what he did? Was your mother heartbroken when he left? Was you cool with that? Did that make it okay? Is cheating okay?
Because it sure does sound like your condoning bad behavior.
You should never cheat to get outta a good relationship. That's a cowards' way out.
I dont think I could actually trust a woman who's deception runs so deep.
What's the saying: Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior.
On this board Ask Cagney, Stampdaddy, Oystyer & all those OM who MW cheated on them! they always say I loved her and she strung me along or she found an OM#2. I mean there's a small percentage that works but be forewarned if it happens to the husband, it will possibly happen to you.
She ended up leaving that night without a kiss. However, she did stop by my house last night. We did end up kissing and yes, it did lead to us making love.
No, you had sex.
Quote:
Now here is the long drawn out question... What do we do? We both don't know. Do we continue? Do we just go back to being friends? I am single and would love her to be with me...
I'd say she needs to divorce her husband and set him free so he is not married to a cheater any longer. Then you can have the cheater all to yourself until the duldrums set in and she cheats on you too.
Quote:
no problem there. But if she were to get a divorce, she is not only leaving her husband, she is leaving a lot of family and friends.
Tough s##t.
Quote:
Not to mention a nice house. It's a lot of pressure on me because like I said, I don't want her to leave him for me. What if I am not the man she thinks I am? What if I can't live up to her expectations? She would have left everything for someone who does not exist. Help!
Once again, too bad. You want the sex without her leaving him? Boy do you two deserve each other. I hope he finds out and files for divorce.
[quote=Chrome Barracuda;1645431]Exactly what woggle said. I mean yeah smartwoman sometimes it works but let me ask you a question what kind of exammple does it set for the kids when your father do what he did? Was your mother heartbroken when he left? Was you cool with that? Did that make it okay? Is cheating okay?
Because it sure does sound like your condoning bad behavior.
Actually, we never knew about the cheating- it wasn't with my mom, it was with his second wife. But no one knew, started as an EA and then progressed. Once he realized that he finally found the right person, he divorce d his wife. Did he cheat on my mom? Not that I know of.Ofcoarse such things should not involve the children at all.
No, I am not condoning bad behavior...but I understand that sometimes we marry the wrong person and then meet the right one. It happens. Cheating isn't ok...when you find yourself in love with someone else, you need to get out of your marriage or stop the cheating. One of the two. But I certainly don't believe that once a cheater, always a cheater- it is simply not true.
You don't know whether your dad or step-mother cheated again or not. And yes, we can generalize if we want to.
Well, its not really fair to generalize or stereotype, I try to avoid that -in all fairness. Again, it isn't just one person I know who found someone else, cheated, left the marriage and remarried the person they had cheated with and never cheated again. I know MANY couples in that situation.
My teen shoplifted once. He paid a big price and has not done it since, nor will he ever. Lesson learned.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
