Have you tried relaxation techniques at bedtime? Breathing exercises?
I will descibe one I learned resently at a seminar I attended, also get some lavender oil lavender oil has calming effects and sniff that when you get into bed. You say you use your laptop in bed BIG no-no, do not have anything in your room that could make the mind race. Minimal decore and absolutely no clutter, clutter of paper or anything that in waking life requires attention to the subconscious mind represent action. And having your partner readily snoring while you are still trying to get some shut eye I am sure is difficult enough..
This technique is used for relaxation and racing thoughts basically you make an imaginary triangle with your breathing. So you take your right finger and press on your right side nostril and breathe in a deep breath of air through the left side nostril and picture the air going up to touch the peak of the "triangle", then release that nostril and let the air out of the left nostril. Take your left hand and press on your left nostril to take in the air through your right nostril again so that you follow the path of the air in your head making this imaginary triangle shat. Once you master making the triangle you can also imagine the air going into your different body parts to all your extremities etc.
Smokers think that smoking relaxes them when stressed but in fact they they are just pacing their breathing which is what makes people relax not the actual "cigarette smoke".
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