Okay ... so I've been struggling with this for a WHILE,
I'm a 26yr old (girl/woman) & my parents are so controlling that they try to convince me that something is wrong with me! They keep blaming me for things that have been going wrong in our lives - exp. mom was venting about dads illness and said all the stress that I've done to them has caused this on him (and this is no small illness!).
I have not done anything to hurt them, nor do I want t, I still live with them, but have been taking care of everything thats mine since I was 18, and have been trying to work so I can pay my way through school because they complain about money to me. I don't ask for ANYTHING and I srsly try to help out as much as I can with my lil brother, and they STILL pretty much tell me I'm a failure.
Everytime I come home late from anything. I get lectured to this day! I can't reason with them because since were filipino I guess I'm not allowed to say anything back even if I'm just trying to explain my side, and when I do, it always escalates into a huge arguement about how they think "I dont give a damn!!" . They've called me, "just like a whore", & "get behind me satan" , and after that basically cover everything about what they dont like about me! I used to go drinking with friends a lot, smoke a lil but I would NEVER bring any of that home. Basically get out of the house as much as possible so I wouldn't have to deal with it but it made it worse!
I don't really know how to make them happy and its driving me crazy because every time they're not they complain constantly! My dad would say things like Id probably be happy if he was dead or something!! I've tried to completely avoid these things by not talking to them but i want to make things better.. any insight?
Yes. I know that it IS toxic. But then again they're my parents and I never know where the line is anymore on when they are just venting or when they are just being parents. Today I got another job at a restaurant (this makes 2), and came home in all black (my work outfit) and my mom looked me up and down dogging, saying "where have you been...another restautant job?.... dont you have to serve alocohol?" And today she was saying I should get a job like at the bank, something more prestigious. She drops hints like this all the time even in front of people. I dont just serve though, I also freelance graphic design. The other day my brother (14) got in trouble for going to the park (he said he was just going to the mall) and not telling anyone, so when he got home they made him kneel in front of them for 4 hours. CRAZY. I dont get them.
Yes. I know that it IS toxic. But then again they're my parents and I never know where the line is anymore on when they are just venting or when they are just being parents. Today I got another job at a restaurant (this makes 2), and came home in all black (my work outfit) and my mom looked me up and down dogging, saying "where have you been...another restautant job?.... dont you have to serve alocohol?" And today she was saying I should get a job like at the bank, something more prestigious. She drops hints like this all the time even in front of people. I dont just serve though, I also freelance graphic design. The other day my brother (14) got in trouble for going to the park (he said he was just going to the mall) and not telling anyone, so when he got home they made him kneel in front of them for 4 hours. CRAZY. I dont get them.
The fact that you don't know where the line is anymore is reason enough to try to get out of it. I'm not saying that they don't love you, but sometimes parents do stuff that's just flat out crazy. In this case, your mother seems to be actively demeaning you, and that's not something you should have to deal with. This advice is just as much for me as it is for you: it's time to grow up and do your own thing...that doesn't mean that you don't love your parents, just that you realize that they can be wrong (in some cases a lot). It also means that you're ready to call your own shots without having to depend on them (in this case, the toxicity really isn't worth it), but that's a good thing. It's a scary step, but in this case, it might well be necessary, even if it ends up costing you financially (your sanity is more important). Get out of there... I know it's not going to be easy, but it would be the best thing for you.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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