I would like any advice that is out there about my situation.
i'll keep it short lol
I'm in my 20's and my b/f is in his late 30's. I'm currently 6months pregnant with both our 1st baby.
We've been together for 5yrs, lived together for about 3yrs now.
I think its time that we went that one step further.
He's been married before (i haven't)
He's known from the stat that i wanted marriage and kids so its nothing new.
all i get is "someday" now am wondering when that "someday" will be or if it will never come.
I feel like im not "good enough" to marry
i am unsure about how to bring this topic up in conversation, i dont want it to seem like am pushing the issue and making him do what he doesnt want to
Thank You for taking the time to read/reply to this.
I know it's difficult, since I'm in a similar situation and I am not a huge fan of being the one who had to introduce the topic, but I got tired of waiting around. My bf actually gave me some good reasons as to why we should wait. In my case, that conversation cleared the air and even though I still bring up the subject of marriage every now and then, I have a lot more understanding for his position now.
I'm still happy to wait and although I went through a period of feeling like I wasn't good enough to marry as well, I didn't let it affect our life as a couple. If your bf is otherwise loving and committed, there is no reason to be concerned that you're not good enough. To my surprise, sometimes commitment and marriage don't necessarily go hand in hand. Ask him about his feelings.
You are young! What's the rush? If you enjoy being with him, that's all that should matter.
I have found men want to be assured both partners are in a secure financial state. Plus, he's a bit older than you.
I have a friend who is 25 and her boyf is 29. Her boyf just went back to school to get his MBA so he is not working right now and she is wroking but her job is very unstable...so they do not have any sort of stable income coming in at all. They have been together 3 years already and she, like you, is wondering when it is going to happen. In her case, i think her boyfriend just wants to know both of them have a stable income coming in. Marriage is expensive and it is a lot of work. Many couples break up or divorce b/c of finances.
I'm not sure if you are working or what you do, or even if my friend's situation relates to yours in anyway...just simply throwing out there what i know.
Good luck!
__________________
"Laughter is the best medicine."~Patch Adams
You are young! What's the rush? If you enjoy being with him, that's all that should matter.
I have found men want to be assured both partners are in a secure financial state. Plus, he's a bit older than you.
I have a friend who is 25 and her boyf is 29. Her boyf just went back to school to get his MBA so he is not working right now and she is wroking but her job is very unstable...so they do not have any sort of stable income coming in at all. They have been together 3 years already and she, like you, is wondering when it is going to happen. In her case, i think her boyfriend just wants to know both of them have a stable income coming in. Marriage is expensive and it is a lot of work. Many couples break up or divorce b/c of finances.
I'm not sure if you are working or what you do, or even if my friend's situation relates to yours in anyway...just simply throwing out there what i know.
Good luck!
Your friend's situation is nothing like this poster's.
She is pregnant with his baby and they have been together FIVE years. He is getting the benefits of a wife without giving HER (and eventually the child) any of the legal benefits of a marriage. He should have proposed already, but given the situation, I don't think he's going to. He has no reason to, because he's already got everything he could possibly get from her, so why take the plunge and marry her?
OP, I would suggest you talk to him and let him know this is important to you. You are pregnant with his baby, and after five years, there's absolutely no excuse that would make this acceptable.
Your friend's situation is nothing like this poster's.
She is pregnant with his baby and they have been together FIVE years. He is getting the benefits of a wife without giving HER (and eventually the child) any of the legal benefits of a marriage. He should have proposed already, but given the situation, I don't think he's going to. He has no reason to, because he's already got everything he could possibly get from her, so why take the plunge and marry her?
OP, I would suggest you talk to him and let him know this is important to you. You are pregnant with his baby, and after five years, there's absolutely no excuse that would make this acceptable.
-E
I absolutely agree. He needs to step up and propose.
Has he ever seriously talked about marriage with you? What's the story with the pregnancy? Did you guys discuss having a child together? Did you both conclude that you want to have a baby right now or did you "accidentally" get pregnant?
I obviously don't know what your relationship is like but from your post it doesn't seem like the odds of a proposal are good, especially if the pregnancy was not something he planned and wanted.
__________________
the problem with logic is there's too many loopholes
and the problem with truth is that it's usually brutal
Your friend's situation is nothing like this poster's.
She is pregnant with his baby and they have been together FIVE years. He is getting the benefits of a wife without giving HER (and eventually the child) any of the legal benefits of a marriage. He should have proposed already, but given the situation, I don't think he's going to. He has no reason to, because he's already got everything he could possibly get from her, so why take the plunge and marry her?
OP, I would suggest you talk to him and let him know this is important to you. You are pregnant with his baby, and after five years, there's absolutely no excuse that would make this acceptable.
-E
I agree, I have a lot of issues with my boyfriend who I live with, he's been married three times which isn't a great track record. But we're in love and though he doesn't want any more kids if that should come up he would step up and marry me right away. Even he says three years and we'll get married. For someone who has had horrible luck with marriage 3 more years would make 4 years for us which for you would have been a little before you got pregnant. I think its important to talk to him, and tell him that you commited to him by HAVING his frickin baby, he needs to step up to the plate and marry you to take care of his baby.
You could bring up things that might make him consider marrying you, like for example what will the baby's last name be, if you aren't married I would want my baby to take my name, but I bet he would want the baby to take his name too. If you took his name it wouldn't be a problem. There are just things that can cause stress especially for you being pregnant and he needs to be there to help you with that, or you should thing about if he's just using you. You and your baby are most important in your life; if he's not willing to take care of you he doesn't deserve you.
Have you asked him specifically what he is waiting for when he says "someday"?
If he can't tell you, then "someday" is not likely to ever happen.
Make sure you talk to a lawyer and do whatever you need to do to establish paternity and get child support. If he doesn't want to commit to a marriage, it may be because he wants an "easy out" if things don't work out between you, in which case you want to make sure your child is already legally taken care of.
I agree with everyone here, you have to nail him down to a time and a date. And just don't let it be his alone (the joker might pick 18 years down the line). And reassure him, if he does not pick and stick to it, you walk. And PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Do a DNA test the first chance you get, so HE (not for you) knows this is HIS child. And then make sure you place a child support order on hold just in case he bails or you throw him out from his lack of commitment to a marriage.
Your friend's situation is nothing like this poster's.
She is pregnant with his baby and they have been together FIVE years. He is getting the benefits of a wife without giving HER (and eventually the child) any of the legal benefits of a marriage. He should have proposed already, but given the situation, I don't think he's going to. He has no reason to, because he's already got everything he could possibly get from her, so why take the plunge and marry her?
OP, I would suggest you talk to him and let him know this is important to you. You are pregnant with his baby, and after five years, there's absolutely no excuse that would make this acceptable.
-E
Even still though...I am assuming the OP was born in 1986 b/c of her sn...it's a rough situation but a) she is very young and b) he has been married before and obv didn't turn out too well for him (as I am assuming he is now divorced)...so he probably doesn't want to go through a marriage again right now. It's a huge hassle, a big responsibility and weddings are not cheap.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Is he ever going to purpose ?
I agree
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