Some of you have been keeping up with my very complicated situation, but if you haven't, read some of the thread "What do I do?" That will catch you up. So the newest issue is that the MM says he is going to take his mid-leave in April. At that time he has said that he wishes to spend those fifteen days with me and our children. Part of me wants to believe that he will show, but I have been disappointed in the past. At this point, I just need some advice. Should I try to believe him until the end of April, or should I just stop the whole thing now? I feel that waiting another few weeks will not hurt anything considering I have been in this for over three years, but at the same time, if he doesn't show, I will be devastated. I guess I just want to see if he does what he says he will. War can change a person, and maybe it changed him for the better. I realize that is a naive statement, but it could be true. Also, if I really want a relationship with this man, I feel that a small amount of time together is really something we need to figure this all out. Who knows, maybe at the end of the two weeks we will both come to the conclusion that it is over. This will be the first time in which we will not have to worry about his W. She will be unaware that he is taking his leave. I think that I need this. Either I need it to see what, if anything, is still there, or I need it for closure. Does anyone have any advice? This man has already made me a fool for the past three years, I'm not sure I want to be an "April Fool" as well.
I feel that I'm going to live my life in your shaddow. I'm right here with you, MWC
I'm sticking to the "take a hike" act right now--perhaps you should tell this man to do the same thing??
We aren't the fools--we are the troubled mothers who just want what's best for our children. We want a stable father-figure in their lives. That's not horrible--that's incredible. These men are jokes in our lives--they're composed of bad seeds. They are the fools.
I think that I need this. Either I need it to see what, if anything, is still there, or I need it for closure. Does anyone have any advice? This man has already made me a fool for the past three years, I'm not sure I want to be an "April Fool" as well.
Mistresswchillins... didn't you answer your question in the above excerpt? The easiest reply would be to change your phone, move your residence and go no contact forever. Likely you will hear some of that too.
The reality is that we are presumably all human beings, with all the problems, weakness, and indecision that goes along with being a living loving person. Obviously this MM owns something that touches your heart. The decision you make will be the one that meets what you need now. None of us here can offer you an emotional subsitute that can feed your needs. At best all us LS'ers can do is offer you advice. At worst we can offer insite into our own personal demons.
The reality is that we are presumably all human beings, with all the problems, weakness, and indecision that goes along with being a living loving person. Obviously this MM owns something that touches your heart.
Lake
I actually really appreciate that. At least you understand that it is human to have weakness. Do I know that I should be stronger than this? Yes, but in my heart I tend to be weak. I tend to allow him to break down my barriers. I just appreciate the fact that you are at least viewing me as a human being and not a moron.
Nothing we can say is going to convince you not to do this.
3 years of being played a fool has not convinced you.
And say you do win this man (cough)...see the bold below? That will be you someday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistresswchildren
This will be the first time in which we will not have to worry about his W. She will be unaware that he is taking his leave. I think that I need this. Either I need it to see what, if anything, is still there, or I need it for closure. Does anyone have any advice? This man has already made me a fool for the past three years, I'm not sure I want to be an "April Fool" as well.
That's the problem with me. I thrive on hope. If there is a small strand, I will hold on. That is part of the issue with him showing up in April. It's like he told me what he knew I needed. I need to see him, one way or another. I need to know that it is over. I really do think that once I am faced with him again that I will be able to stop all of this. Right now, I am running off of memories. As we all know, we only remember what we want to. Hopefully, by seeing him, I will be able to make the decision that I need to. I am big about closure. I need it for me. I need it for my children. At some point I will have to explain all of this to them. It would be a lot easier to tell them something that I know as fact. I know it sounds stupid, but I think a lot of people will understand about needing closure.
How is he going to explain the missing leave time to his wife? That "mid-term leave" is pretty well known and documented...how is he going to cover his tracks on that? It would be simple enough for his wife to find out the truth, and she's sure to suspect when he doesn't come home for mid-term.
__________________
"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
Welcome to VEGAS BABY! " --Tomcat33, May 21, 2008
"Just don't cry when the odds beat YOU" Owl, Sep 08
How is he going to explain the missing leave time to his wife? That "mid-term leave" is pretty well known and documented...how is he going to cover his tracks on that? It would be simple enough for his wife to find out the truth, and she's sure to suspect when he doesn't come home for mid-term.
Technically, you don't have to take mid-leave. So, he is simply telling her that he isn't going to. I have wondered the same thing. I know that they get TDY for it. So, when an extra grand shows up in their account after his mid-leave, she probably will question it. I have no idea if he is actually going to show up anyway. He says he will. I have asked over a thousand times if he really will show or not. I have told him all I want is an e-mail that says it's over if he isn't going to show. He doesn't even need to explain it to me. He still says that he will show. He tells me continuously that we need to work on us during that time, and that he will be researching an attorney for his divorce as well as procuring payment for said attorney. It is things like that that make me think he is for real, but I'm not sure if he knows his lies from his truth anymore. I doubt he will show, and I am living my life as if he isn't going to. I graduate college soon. At that point he wants me to find a job in his area (right now we are in different states). I am going to find a job where I want to. If he wants me in the end, he can spring for the U-Haul and the moving expenses. He can find out if there are jobs in my field. I am sick of putting forth the effort. I don't feel like going down there just for him to turn around and one, end it; and two, try to say that I am stalking him when it was his idea in the first place. I know that I am weak in a lot of ways, but at least I'm not entirely stupid. If he wants this to work, he'll find a way for it to work.
I think you're being played again. He gave you a fake divorce decree, remember? Now, you're wonding if his words are the truth? But, then again, I am not in your shoes where two small children's life are at stake and facing the possibility of living as a single mom with two children for years to come. No one can blame you for wishing, but, at the same time, his wife has hopes too. After all, they have a much longer history than you two and they share assets and a child together too along with the recognition as a married husband and wife. That's something that was never recognized by his parents and family member.
The odds are against you. Even if you're with him, can you really trust him. What makes you think that he won't do it to you what he did to her say 2 years down the road or 4 years down the road?
I think you're being played again. He gave you a fake divorce decree, remember? Now, you're wonding if his words are the truth? But, then again, I am not in your shoes where two small children's life are at stake and facing the possibility of living as a single mom with two children for years to come. No one can blame you for wishing, but, at the same time, his wife has hopes too. After all, they have a much longer history than you two and they share assets and a child together too along with the recognition as a married husband and wife. That's something that was never recognized by his parents and family member.
The odds are against you. Even if you're with him, can you really trust him. What makes you think that he won't do it to you what he did to her say 2 years down the road or 4 years down the road?
Read my realization thread. This really isn't this much of an issue anymore. We've gone NC. I'm really kind of done with all this crap. He is just really good at playing with emotions.
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