It seems that weekends hurt the most, because I know my ex is going to be going home from college to see her new boyfriend. This Sunday, it will have been two weeks since she tried to contact me. Prior to that she had been texting/IMing every other day. I never answered the calls or responded to the texts, and now I'm wondering whether I made a mistake in doing that.
It hurts knowing theyve known each other for 5 years and just in the past month have started a relationship. During the breakup, we hung out a lot and did things like most couples. I remember during the holidays I got really pissed off when she told me she had been set up on a blind date. Prior to that things had been going great. I said some hurtful things when I found out. But when she started her new relationship with the other guy, I was calm and said I hope ya'll are happy together.
What did she want when she called me? I worry that I've had so many chances to get the love of my life back that I won't get another. We shared so much and the fact that she stopped contacting makes me think shes started to forget about me.
"What did she want when she called me? I worry that I've had so many chances to get the love of my life back that I won't get another."
You didn't make these choices - she did. You can't blame yourself for her choices. There is absolutely no way that you missed chances - love doesn't work like that. If she loved you then she would have come to you - you can't make someone love you if they don't. So don't beat yourself up - there is no magic button or thing you could have said or done to fix this. She chose, not you.
It didn't work out - that's awful, but although it seems the end of the world now, it truly isn't. You're worth a whole lot more than this, and in some months, or even years, you'll be glad you're available for that next relationship, and you'll have learned a whole lot that'll make you better able to cope and relate to that person.
It is just so hard because I saw my entire future with this girl. She was my first real love and we did so much together...travelled to europe, etc. Those memories are always in my mind. It hurts so badly that they're not in hers.
i think maybe this ship has sailed...you chose to ignore her texts and IMs, and maybe that was the final nail in the coffin for her. why should she keep trying to contact you when you were slamming the door in her face each time? chances are, she just wanted to maintain some kind of relationship with you, but that was going to be difficult, if not impossible, once you decided to have no contact, despite her efforts.
there was always going to be the point where she stopped trying to reach you. that may have been the catalyst for her to move on - she was able to move on mentally after you said hurtful things to her and after you blanked her...instead of you slamming the door shut, she took the initiative and closed the door!!!
we live and die by the choices we make i guess. she's made her choice. i understand it must hurt, but you have to suck it up and deal with it, i'm afraid.
It is just so hard because I saw my entire future with this girl. She was my first real love and we did so much together...travelled to europe, etc. Those memories are always in my mind. It hurts so badly that they're not in hers.
it is hard...but you can still cherish the memories. you'll have them forever. and eventually, you'll be strong enough to make new ones, with someone else!!
"i think maybe this ship has sailed...you chose to ignore her texts and IMs, and maybe that was the final nail in the coffin for her. why should she keep trying to contact you when you were slamming the door in her face each time? chances are, she just wanted to maintain some kind of relationship with you, but that was going to be difficult, if not impossible, once you decided to have no contact, despite her efforts."
Ok, I haven't read any other posts by you, so I'm not sure what Starla is referring to ... if she dumped you then choosing to ignore any contact from her is absolutely the right thing to do to give yourself a chance to get over it. If you did the dumping and have since changed your mind then hey, she's right you have to accept that your ex has moved on and you need to do the same.
Either way this situation isn't good for you, and it isn't going to end with you happily back together. You have a life ahead of you - you need to give yourself a chance to heal and learn from this, and move on to a better place.
She broke up with me after a year and a half relationship. We stayed really close until she got a new boyfriend. I ignored the calls because I saw no sense in just hearing her say how happy she was...
Wonderinwhatsup, to answer your question, she probably tried to maintain contact with you just to keep you on the leash and on the backburner. It's quite apparent because you said that she kept calling you after your initial breakup, but she soon after stopped when she met her new bf. She just wanted you around until she finds someone else. It was a good thing that you didn't contact her. I've been in this situation before too and unlike you, I was stupid enough to stay in contact with my ex until she found someone else.
Try to move on. It's easier to move on and start something new with someone than it is to try and fix something that is already broken. All those memories might mean something to you now, but trust me on this, once you meet the next girl that blows your mind, those memories will mean nothing. I once had those exact same thoughts.
In which case my earlier advice definitely stands! She made these choices, not you. Don't beat yourself up over whether you could have done something differently to keep her. The bottom line is she went for something else - then she either is trying to salve her conscience by turning you into a friend or, as others say, she wants to have you available because you're suddenly more interesting again because she doesn't have you anymore. Either way you need to cut her loose and move on. She is not the be all and end all of your world. Exes will always tug at the heart strings - especially if they ended it, because you didn't get a chance to reconcile yourself to the fact that it wasn't working. Sometimes it's like the rug has been pulled out from under you and you spend so much time thinking what might have been.
You just really have to try and respect yourself at this point - you don't deserve to be strung along by someone who rejected you. If she rejected you it's because she wasn't right for you, and seriously after a few months or years (we're all different on how long we take to heal) you'll be amazed at what you saw in her.
At least now you are certain it's definitely over. There's no sense lamenting yourself anymore, your paths have split. You lived a great experience with this girl, use it to make your next relationship with a girl even better. You know what you did wrong: don't do it again. You know what you did right: do it more often. For now, you're single and she has someone she sleeps with; that sucks but it won't last. The future is bright and full of opportunities, don't let one pass because you are brooding over someone who doesn't care about you anymore.
__________________ I'll give back my friendship to my ex the day she gives me back her love (or maybe I'll just tell her to fück off.)
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