I have been engaged to my fiance for nearly a year now. We are getting married this Sept. I fell in love with a man who spent time with his family, cleaned the house occasionally, and who rarely argued with me.
I moved 2 hours away from my family to be with him. That was 6 months ago. I have yet to find a job because we live in an area where a college degree is considered overqualified. Now all he does is work, we argue about everything, and my son and I rarely ever see him (he's either working or sleeping).
We argue so much. He has to say no to everything I ask him or he thinks I don't do enough. I've become a stay at home mom since I moved up here, still searching for a job. There are some weeks where the ONLY people I'll see are my son and my fiance. I've worked so hard to succeed, and I can't continue being a stay-at-home mom. I have been battling depression, and I'm so tired of the arguments.
I just don't know what to do. I still love the man he was when I didn't live with him. And I can't tell whether that man will show up again once I find a job and he doesn't have to work so much or if our relationship will continue down this path.
I think you are seeing the real man now. Everyone puts their best foot forward in the first part of the relationship. It seems to me you are looking into a window at your future. Be careful and get some advice from you family and friends.
__________________ Everyone has the right to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege.
I agree that you are probably seeing more of who he really is now that you are living with him. But I also think that he is very stressed out that you do not have a job and he is the only one working. So you getting a job will probably help things but I honestly don't think he will turn back into the wonderful guy you thought he was because people's true colors come out when you are living together. I dated a great guy for several years and he was my best friend and love of my life at the time and everything was wonderful and he was so good to me. We moved in together and our relationship lasted nine months and I couldn't take it anymore. He was a totally different person to live with- neat freak but didn't see his own "clutter", would spend an hour picking lint off his clothes, freaked out if he got a stain on a shirt etc. We had other issues besides these little things but just some of the things I found out about the "real" him after we moved in together were just not in synch with who I thought he was.
I think you need to sit down and talk to him about your issues. He may just be so stressed out he doesnt' realize how he is acting. But marriage will not make anything better!
I actually did sit down and talk with him a couple weeks ago. Thank you for that advice. He hasn't been working as much now and he's been spending more time with us as a family.
I have been engaged to my fiance for nearly a year now. We are getting married this Sept. I fell in love with a man who spent time with his family, cleaned the house occasionally, and who rarely argued with me.
I moved 2 hours away from my family to be with him. That was 6 months ago. I have yet to find a job because we live in an area where a college degree is considered overqualified. Now all he does is work, we argue about everything, and my son and I rarely ever see him (he's either working or sleeping).
We argue so much. He has to say no to everything I ask him or he thinks I don't do enough. I've become a stay at home mom since I moved up here, still searching for a job. There are some weeks where the ONLY people I'll see are my son and my fiance. I've worked so hard to succeed, and I can't continue being a stay-at-home mom. I have been battling depression, and I'm so tired of the arguments.
I just don't know what to do. I still love the man he was when I didn't live with him. And I can't tell whether that man will show up again once I find a job and he doesn't have to work so much or if our relationship will continue down this path.
I just don't know.
Marriage is not worth it, why be so tied down? You don't need to marry him to show & validate your love for him. I don't understand why couples can't just be happy dating eachother exclusively together forever? Why does it have to come down to marriage? The obsession with the rings, and the damn dresses and bachelorett parties...hardly seems worth the aggravation to me.
__________________
"Laughter is the best medicine."~Patch Adams
lol. You know, I never really thought about that, but that could very well be why we're arguing so much as well. Actually planning for a wedding takes a lot of time, money, and effort. It can be very draining. I know on more than one occasion I've just wanted to tear my hair out and scream. And it has put stress on our relationship at one point or another. Things have actually calmed down a lot in the past few weeks because we took a week to catch up on the planning, ordered the cake, the flowers, the reception hall decorations, the bridesmaid dresses, the wedding dress, and a few other miscellaneous items. We even just finished the required pre-marriage counseling. It's like a weight's been lifted for now.
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getting cold feet
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