Okay first off I met this girl two years ago and we went out for only two days and she broke up with me because she said i was too quiet and i never talked to her. Her name was Katie, and she had a a crush on me and her friend asked me out for her. Anyways she had kind of a reputation for being a .. well I hate to say the word but a tramp, slut, or whatever they say these days. This girl had problems, mostly from hanging around with a real tramp that had a bad influence on her. This girl up to this point slept with about 14 or 15 guys and gave blowjobs and handjobs to others. Now fast forward after our little relationship of two days to June 2001, I saw her in town and she flagged me down, she asked me to talk to her and she said that she thought about calling me numerous times and that she still liked me so we drove around and she kind of hinted she wanted to go out with me which i thought was kind of sudden. So I said we should just be friends and maybe if it worked out we'd get together later on and she agreed so we made out later that night. The next day she called me and I went and I asked her out, we had sex that night. Anyhow let's get to the point we have been together for almost 7 months and I moved in with her and her parents in September, so I have been living there for three months. ANyhow she flirts alot and one day I asked her for something and she said it was in her coat pocket, when I looked in her coat pocket for the thing I found a letter-- it was a journal entry, she writes in her journal, and it says that she thinks she's getting feelings for one of her ex's again and it's a scary feeling because she didn;t want to lose me...and I confronted her about it all mad...she hugged me and wouldn;t let me go because she thought i was going to break up with her, and she said she loves me more and she's never loved anyone like she loves me but should i velieve that? we always talk about our problems and she wants to marry me some day and I just get so confused by her, she says all the time with a grin that "she wears the pants in the relationship" and that pisses me off but I love her so much i cant picture life without her but her writing that journal entry kind of scared me. what should i do? how can i show her that i can wear the pants just as well? or better yet how can i start being a mystery again?

[Tony T]

You can't be much of a mystery to somebody if you are living with them.

You can't do anything about what she writes in her journal, particularly in the United States where we have freedom of speech and of the press.

You can't do anything if she's has a crush on some other guy and as long as she does nothing about it I wouldn't worry. What she writes in her journal is her business and absolutely none of yours. The only thing that is your business is how she treats you. She probably wasn't very serious when she wrote that anyway.

I don't see that you have a problem here. But your girl has a serious problem. She has a boyfriend who invades her privacy and then questions her about what he observes. You do this more often and she will ditch your butt.

Who wears the pants in your relationship shouldn't even be a question here. Just be a man and hold your own. If you give in to her and don't take the lead much of the time in what the two of you do, I don't think you can do much to change that.

If you don't start being a man soon and show some gentle strength in this relationship, she will write about lots more crushes in her journal and one day she will act on one of them.

TONY, What do you mean by showing some GENTLE strength? I was just worried about this because we each have a journal and she reads mine and i read hers because we allow it but that particular entry was ripped out meaning i wasn;t supposed to see it...well I guess that's okay, she never acted on any of her crushes and I shouldn't be so jealous. Just what do you mean by showing some gentle strength?

[Tony T]

Gentle strength is being strong but not slinging your weight around. Being strong but also being kind and compassionate. You've got a long way to go.

Have you ever heard the term "gentleman"?