[smileysmile]

Are there any controlling husbands reading this?

Okay you don't want to admit it. But maybe your ex wife or soon to be ex wife left you because of your controlling behaviour?

Maybe you have a little bit of a controlling behaviour?

How do you define it?

What about insecurities? Do you lash out with verbal abuse? Do you use nasty words when you are angry? Do you realize you are saying these words to your wife during an angry outburst? Then later you are remorseful? Are you in denial about what you are doing? Or when you have calmed down do you wonder to yourself where all this anger comes from and why you use such verbal emotional abuse towards your loved ones?
You're are pushing your spouse away, right?

All other times you are fine. Great to be around.
Does this sound like you?

I would be grateful to hear from men who can relate to themselves as the aggressor of emotional verbal abuse when angry.
Did your wife leave you as the result of this? Did you ever seek help? And did she ever return or had you emotionally damaged her?

[daisygirl]

This sounds exactly like my husband, but, he won't admit it. He won't seek counseling, but I am in IC myself and ready for divorce. He still blames me for everything.

Interesting how no one else has replied.....

[smileysmile]

Yes very interesting..no response after all this time. Who is going to admit to being controlling? I hate that word.

It is just how my ex would describe me. She said the same thing about her 10 yr relationship she had with one of her other exes.

There are alsorts of 'controlling'. It sounds to me as if I told her when, where and what to do during our R.
Unbelieveable! She knew what I was like before we got M. So that was 21 mths before we tied the knot and she loved me then as she looked into my eyes and said 'I do'. 9 mths later, I want out! Geezus!

I think it was my intolerances and indifferences to certain things and my way of dealing with it was get angry. Not all the time. When I did I used nasty words. Hurtful words. Like..I wish I was back with my ex (2001 I broke up with long term spouse of 12 yrs), my ex was my soulmate, I want a divorce, I have never loved you, I hate you..etc. I hated myself later for saying these things. But I only got like this when in an argument.
ONLY with her and nobody else.

Come on guys..were you or are you like this? I need to know what your situation was or is and what is your current situation with your spouse?

[carhill]

I'm controlling when:

I trip over my wife's shoes and get angry about having to always pick them up.

I tell her to stop spending because we don't have the money to spend (the psychologist called that "paternalistic" and I agreed, with a on my face)

I don't want to go out but would rather cook a nice dinner at home (yes I cook); see above for reason.

I don't have sex with her as often as she would like.

I nag her to get things done that either she says she was going to do or agrees to do as part of her marital responsibilities. She says I don't nag as much now (due to therapy). Reason: I add items to list of whether to stay or to go instead.

I don't use verbal abuse. It's not my way. Demeans her and my intellect. I have verbally abused government officials though

In the final analysis, I think it's perception that "controls". For example, if my wife feels I get my way all the time (she has never actually said this, just used for example), I'm controlling, regardless of whether I get my way or if it's all the time. It's perception. This is why arguments with a woman are always circular and I don't participate other than for the philosophical debate aspect. I think like a woman and understand this

Hence, I can freely admit that she feels, in many instances, that I am controlling. I know who I am and like who I am and she perhaps will soon wonder who I will become