I have been divorced now for several months. There were several reasons for the divorce - my wife drank, abused over-the-counter medication, was one of these people who always had something negative to say no matter how good things were going, and in general was just a miserable person.

Those are all the reasons I gave her when she asked why I divorced here. But there was one big reason I didn't tell her. I had moved out onto the couch and was sleeping there for about 6 months and my wife decided to go visit her family for 2 weeks. During the time she was gone, I cheated on her. When she came back, I realized I could not be married to her anymore.

Now that we are divorced she has gone into a terrible depression. She blames everything on herself. Before this I thought it would just make her feel worse if I admitted what happened. But now I'm wondering if I should confess everything.

What do you think?

[midori]

I don't think that confessing the infidelity will serve anything at this point except to add to your ex's pain. As you've described it, it was a symptom of the bad marriage, not a cause for a rift.

What good would it do to tell her about your misdeed? Are you trying to give her something to be angry about, hoping to snap her out of her depression? It probably wouldn't work like that. It sounds as though your divorce has been a bit of a wake up call for your ex and perhaps she's starting a process of getting herself straightened out.

If the underlying issue is whether or not your wife understands that no matter what she does the marriage is over, well yes, you should be very honest with her on that. If your affair has turned into a relationship so that you're no longer available to your ex, she probably ought to know that.

Since your marriage is over anyway, there's no need to rub salt in the wound by confessing your infidelity. The time for that would have been when you were still married. So unless you feel that there is a specific reason why she ought to know about it, I think this is a sleeping dog best left alone.

[Tony T]

You're divorced. There's no good purpose to have any further communication with her of any sort. You can't let her be a part of your life in any way, particularly for the reasons you divorced her. You don't need even a friend or an acquaintance as miserable as she.

No good would come out of telling her of your cheating. As far as I'm concerned, you were not spiritually bonded with her at the time of your encounter so it was only technical adultery rather than real adultery anyway. Your marriage was essentially over at that time and if that's what it took for you to realize that, it was probably more of a plus than a minus.

Stay away from this miserable woman, let her get her life straight.

Forgive yourself if you feel that's required and go about finding happiness. Find a more stable, contented lady with a better outlook on life next time around.

Good luck. Zip your lips about the subject of your cheating and tell no one. Over and out.

That's what I thought... Thanks for confirming my gut instinct.