[pinkfuzz]

Hi, I need some advice on my boyfriends mother. We've been together just over a year.

But i have a massive problem with his mum. His parents have always seemed alittle off with me. His parents love dogs whereas i have a fear of dogs and dont trust them at all. I think right off this got their backs up but i have never been horrible to there dogs i have tried to get on with them stroking them, showing an interest etc

The thing is i got so used to his mum not really talking to me, or listening when i spoke to her that it got to the point where i just thought fair enough . However then 6 months into the relationship i got a phone call from my boyfriend who was upset, he'd had a fight with his mum because she'd asked why i wasnt going to a works party with him and he explained it was bcoz i didnt know anyone and feel awkward with new people. Then she went mad and slagged me off she said i was like his exes and some other things he didnt want to tell me about.

The next day he tried to make the peace by telling me she then said i was a nice girl and he should look after me, this however i dont believe.
She now is always trying to be friendly chatting to me more but she still has her moment the problem is i dont think she knows that he told me what she'd said and i'm having a really big problem with forgiving her.

I feel she didnt give me a chance before she bitched about me and now i have no interest in being friends with her at all. I mean i'll be polite but thats it. Do you think i'm being petty???

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

We cant choose our relatives...unfortunately.

She was wrong to judge you so quickly. But by being just "polite" aren't you putting extra pressure on your boyfriend? He will surely feel the atmopshere between you too.

Let it go. Your boyfriend needed to vent about his parents. By reacting, you're training him to be careful what he says to you about his mother - for fear of making things even more atmospheric.

Think of it not as forgiving her, but as taking the upper hand being the better person and if she's trying to get on with you - let her! Sometimes forgiveness isn't something we do for someone else, its something we do for ourselves.

[carhill]

It's a rare mum who doesn't have an opinion about a present or future consort of their son. Mum's standards are very high, and few women can reach that stratosphere. It's irrational, but it's your BF's mother

She's talking to you and is appearing to be decent about it. She had a bad day. You'll have a few too, with her, trust me. Put it in the past and move forward. Your BF's bond is moving from his mother to you. He's always going to be her "boy" no matter how old he is or how many grandchildren you provide. That's just the way it is.

If he's not an only child (I am), thank your deity of choice. Only sons are gods in their mother's eyes. I dealt with everything. Too bad my mom became demented before she could really love my wife. ...

[Ping]

I face the similar problem. I choose to forget it. Because i love my mother so deeply. So do my boyfriend. I do not want to hurt his mother. I have beening getting along well with his mother.