[cherrysoda]

I have a dilemma regarding an ongoing relationship I have with someone at work. I've always had a positive working relationship with him but after a little over a year of knowing him he started asking me out to lunch and showed more of an interest in me in the office by flirting with me. Then he told me he likes me and at a company function we had an opportunity to be alone so he could hug and kiss me. I did not reject his advances as I found him charming and likable even though I knew by getting intimately involved with a coworker is a big mistake. He is also married, which I’ve known from the start. (Okay, I know I’m stupid)

While getting involved with him I found out from another coworker how flirtatious he has been with other women but they didn’t seem to like it. This same coworker told me about how he has mentioned that he doesn’t have much of a marriage and his wife has already threatened to leave him.


On several occasions we’ve had the chance to be intimate and even have spent several nights together. I want more.


My problem is, knowing what I know about his situation (I’m sure he’s unaware I know this much about him) I want to be with him more often but I am afraid to tell him this because I am certain of his answer (no). My other alternative is to start creating some distance from him so I can move on. I don’t know how to do this since I work with him and I can’t stand the thought of him finding someone else and spending the time he would have spent with me with her instead. Also, I don’t want to come right out and tell him I’m not interested in him anymore since that might make my work environment difficult. My other alternative is to find a job at another company but I don’t want to do that right now.


Any suggestions?

[silentscope]

other then getting another job, the best bet would to be to put distance between one another. Its not like you would have to ignore one another, but hold back some and then more after that. There really is no point I would think if he is already married even though its kinda on bad terms atm. Then again maybe the wife is ready to leave him cause of him messing around with other woman, so he could do the same with you and all.

Trying to help and all, but I cant seem to find type the correct words and such, even though I have it all in my mind being explained to me.

[cherrysoda]

Silentscope, thank you for your words of advice. I get the feeling there is some kind of distance growing between us slowly then he wants to be close again. Ending this might be a bit easier than I imagined although at times I think I’m dealing with someone who has no regard for other’s feelings. This whole episode screams to me I should just go out and find someone who is really available, not someone who just so happened to make himself available to me to suit his needs.

[allina]

Hey, here's an idea when you KNOW a co-worker, or any man out there is married don't screw with him (or him)

Are you asking us how to have a closer affair here?

[Jasmine8719]

Run while you can...If he's flirting with other women and cheating on his wife what makes you think that he wouldn't do the same with you if you had a long term relationship with him? There are plenty of other men out there don't waste your time with him especially if he's married..your just asking to get hurt...
-Jasmine

[cherrysoda]

I know I said I wanted more from him but in reality that is not a smart thing for me to do. I have also imagined what it would be like if I did get more from him and I know I'd be constantly worried about what he's doing when he isn't with me. Not fun.

If I start pulling away from him too fast I think that could cause problems with him as I have seen him make someone else in the office appear to be bad to work with (this happened after I became involved with him).
Whatever interest he has in someone in the office it seems to be long enough for him to get what he wants or until someone else with something better comes along. I think the latter is happening now. I don't know if he has any romantic plans for her but I figure that won't last long either. He might also think he could sting me along to have multiple relationships going on at once.

I just needed a 'reality check' regarding my situation and I found it here.