[SadShamrock]

Hi-

My ex lost a parent this weekend. He called me crying the morning it happened to inform me. My heart broke for him.

I just ordered flowers to send to the funeral. Did I do the right thing? I have not reached out to him otherwise. I have not called to see how he was. Is that the right thing to do? Is it mean not to? I am so afraid of being kicked around by him though. However, another part of me feels like if I don't call- it is apathetic. I'm not apathetic to the situation- I have had a pit in my stomach since I found out the news. I truly feel horrible for his loss, and I want to reach out and help him. But I don't- cause I feel like whether it's well received or not- it's not good for either of us.

I walked away finally. I walked away from the hope of being in his life at least. I finally gave up and moved on. I appreciate that he called me to tell me the news, but I am so confused as to what I do.

In any other situation, I would forget everything and reach out to the person but I am afraid this time. I am truly afraid of his reaction to anything I do.

Thank you.

[LakesideDream]

Of course you did the right thing. You were respectful and it gave you a bit of pleasure to send the flowers.

Where does it say that we need to become cold hearted b*tches, or b*stards when we break up?

A death of a close family member is a very traumatic thing. Showing basic human kindness doesen't need reason or excuses.

[trulysomething]

I think you made a very thoughtful caring gesture.
He will know you were thinking of him at one of the lowest points in his life. Sending flowers only reaffirmed that you are a genuine kind person who took time away from your own life to remember someone elses. I think it was lovely and I am sure he definitely appreciated it more than you will know.

[carhill]

OP, thank you

I presume you knew his parents so there is some personal loss felt here, as well as the empathy you still rightfully feel for your X.

You did the perfect thing. You listened and showed your respect for his loss. You offered a symbol of your condolences to his family. Nothing further is necessary, IMO.

[SadShamrock]

Thank you for your responses. It just wouldn't have felt right to not do anything.

[soapbox]

You did absolutely the right thing. Calling him could be a very slippery slope, as I'm sure he told you because he trusts you with his feelings, and he might use that to his advantage (not in a malicious way, in a comfort way). Also, when bad things happen to us, it can be easy to lose sense of goals, and I would think it could be very easy to accidentally get "too close" to someone during a time like that.