[greystone08]

He LS, i really could use some wisdom, This is part II of the thread i started back (see below). I'm still going to sum it up though.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133203/

My g/f and i have been together for 5 years. Last summer, she went to an internship and shortly after she came back, she had been complaining about a cold sore on the corner of her mouth. When it kept coming back, she started to acuse me of giving it to her and also acused me of sleeping with someone else. So she stopped giving me oral sex for a while. I made an appointment for myself to get tested for STDs and showed her the paper results to prove to her that nothing was wrong with me. I knew i hadn't been w/ anyone else. My results cam up negative. My gf was trying to find healthcare to go to the doctor becase she's still a full time student. In October (07), I even went as far as looking up health and human services and finding a number to healthcare that she qualifies for as a full time student, but she would only have to pay $6.00. I gave her the phone #s in October to schedule and make an appointment to get tested. It is now March and she still hasnt gotten it done. For the past 5 months, i've been reminding her and asking her from time to time and she keeps handing me the same load of crap, "I'm going to get it gone this week." I would often forget about it but she still continues to put it off. She even said one time that she didnt think she had to get tested because I got tested and she knows she doenst have anything. I told her that we agreed we both would get tested to prove to eachother.

Long and short, last week Sunday, Feb 24, 2008, I told her that she needed to get tested by Mar 7 2008. I told her is she didn't, then our relationship would be over until she gave me the results. Here it is Mar 4 and she still doesnt sound like she has any plans of getting it done. I think she's either not taking me serious or she's hiding something. I even reminded her several times this past weekend. She sounded annoyed and said "I'm going to get it done, stop asking me!" I understand because she often says she's busy with school but that doesn't stop her from going to hang out with her girlfriends. Whenever her gfs ask her to go out or go to a comedy show, she always makes time for that.

In conclusion, does it sound like I'm being a little too extreme by ending a 5 year relationship over something like this? I feel I gave her more than enough time to comply. I also feel the ball is in her court and if she wants to continue the relationship, she'd honor my request. March 7th is getting closer and closer. IT hurts the thought of letting her go because I really love her. I don't think she's cheated but its wierd by the way she keeps blowing off my request. I just want her to stop taking me for granted.

Please help !!! Am I being too extreme by ending the relationship. Please..

P.S. Sorry for the long post, but i didn't wanted you all completely informed.

[BrianG]

I think you have to look out for yourself especially when it comes to STDs. She held back giving oral until you got tested so I would suggest doing the same thing. I wouldn't kiss her, sex, etc. until she gets tested too. You took the responsibility and got tested to prove to her that it did not come from you, so its only fair that she does the same thing.

In regards to the relationship, imo I think its extreme to break-up after 5 years of being together. I think people give up too easily these days when the road gets bumpy. I am not discounting cases of abuse or cheating etc. But if you both love each other and see a future together, I think its worth trying because relationships are hard work. However, you need to look out for yourself and she could be hiding something with her reluctance to get tested. Calmly and politely say to her that you have to take care of yourself and I dont think its wise for me to continue being intimate with you until you are tested.

I think that should have been your ultimatum instead of a specific date. If she loves you she will do this for you considering you even provided cost effective ways for her to take care of this. If she continues to push it off then she is not taking your health into consideration and that will be your answer.

[greystone08]

Thanks for the reply. I agree it may be a little too extreme. I'll take what you said in my final decision.

Any more viewpoints would be appreciated too.

[iwish]

Firstly i don't think she is taking it seriously that you would end the relationship if she didn't get tested. i also think it's a bit harsh to break up with her over this, i mean you've been together 5 years and are obviously in love with the girl.

in my opinion she is just very confident that she hasn't cheated and feels that having a test is a waste of time.. maybe you could arrange a time where you could go with her and give her morale support?

[soapbox]

Why do you think this is an STD? 80% of the population have experienced cold sores from one time to another. It's a different strain of the herpes virus than the sexually transmitted one.

[greystone08]

I never thought it was an STD. Matter fact, i was the main one telling her it was probably a reaction to the weather or a regular sore. At the time she was getting it, she was the one accusing me of doing something and giving her whatever it was she had. I just felt the need to show her because the accusations were getting so bad, she was telling all her friends about it. And you know how that goes.... They filled her head up with all kinds of nonsense

[justaman99]

If she really respected you and your relationship it is my opinion she would have been tested a long time ago. That simple.

[PinkICE]

I kind of agree with iwish here. I feel like she just doesn't wanna waste time getting tested knowing she's not doing anything at all. After you showed her your result, she doesnt feel the need to do it anymore. Plus, I don't think she would tell her friends about her doubts of you giving her STD if she is really doing something behind your back.

On the other hand, she must be sensitive with how you feel too. Taken into consideration that you've been for 5 years. She knows you are suffering inside and seems like she enjoys seeing you in distress for the meantime.
If she really cares about the relationship, she would respect your feelings and stop putting you out of balance.

Maybe setup a little romantic dinner with her. This way you can relax her. Bring back all those sparkles and romance. Make her feel so beautiful and special. Tell her how much she means to you. How much you treasure the 5 yrs of being together and that you dont want it to end. Then wait for few days, say 3-5 days. Maintain the sweetness. Wait for the right timing... when she is so relax and not expecting that u gonna nag her again about getting tested. Begin by saying how much you really care for her and its hurting you for weeks now that she is ignoring your request to her. Tell her its making you paranoid and been thinking all the horrible thoughts and its killing you inside. Though you trust her , still it would be fair enough to do it for peace of mind.

Anyways, if she does love you and see how you are hurting, she would do it right away.

[greystone08]

Well i thank everyone for your advice. I guess i'm not going to be in such a rush to break up with her right now. It just seems like she plays me as a joke and I get tired of it. Its almost as if I care about how she feels than she does me. Example: showing her the test results.

Sometimes I feel like the woman and she's the one wearing the pants