I love him to pieces, but I wasn't happy with his treatment of me lately. Nothing I could put my finger on. I'm old enough to know that people treat you how you allow them to.
He's just been a bit distant, a little short, and not quite who he used to be. I've asked. I've been patient. He has no answers.
So it comes down to me not liking it and calling the game over.
If it means anything to him, he'll make the effort. If not, he wont'. Either way I get the answer as to how he really feels.
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th March 2008 at 1:27 AM.
I love him to pieces, but I wasn't happy with his treatment of me lately. Nothing I could put my finger on. I'm old enough to know that people treat you how you allow them to.
He's just been a bit distant, a little short, and not quite who he used to be. I've asked. I've been patient. He has no answers.
So it comes down to me not liking it and calling the game over.
If it means anything to him, he'll make the effort. If not, he wont'. Either way I get the answer as to how he really feels.
I am so sorry to hear this HisLove.
But, you know how you feel and what you think is right.
Hope you will come back and post here, however. Just because you're not in a LDR right at the moment, doesn't mean your experience and perspective isn't valid and helpful to others.
Take care and go easy on yourself.
All the best,
TMichaels
Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th March 2008 at 1:28 AM.
I have also just learned that an exboyfriend has died and I'm feeling a bit sad about that. That is part of the reason for me calling it off - he got all ****ty because I think he was jealous when I mentioned I had received bad news. His (the exbf) family contacted me and I haven't had anything to do with any of them for the past couple of years.
He's been moody and there always seems to be a hint of displeasure in his tone with me - I'm not putting up with that nonsense. If he can't come right out and say whatever is under his skin, he's not mature enough to cope with life.
After all I've been through in life, I'm done with headgames and guessing games. If there's a problem I want it named and dealt with.
I am very sorry for you Hislove. I hope that everything will be ok for you. I wish you my best luck. If you need any support I will make my best for it.
He is obviously jealous but it is something he has put in his own head. How I've spoken about him in my other threads is how I feel about him. I'd be willing to say that none of you would doubt how I feel about him. Nothing for him to be jealous about. Heck he's away and I'm thinking of things to send him for a surprise.
So he's gone off half-cocked when I've said I got some bad news, my exbf has died blah blah and I haven't spoken to him for the past 2 years. Ummmm, if he had told me one of his ex's had died I would have said Oh Sorry to hear that honey, are you OK?
But he's made it about me talking about my ex and he states he does not care about my ex. Well I care that he died, and I care that he left children behind, and he WAS someone I loved once. That's as far as my feelings go. Not to mention it was the second death I'd learned of that day. It's a lot to process in a day.
So is something missing when he doesn't ask how I am, but rather makes a scene about why I'm talking about my ex? Is something missing here?
I can't articulate what I'm trying to get across here. I find it odd that his first reaction is jealousy, instead of concern for me.
So is something missing when he doesn't ask how I am, but rather makes a scene about why I'm talking about my ex? Is something missing here?
I can't articulate what I'm trying to get across here. I find it odd that his first reaction is jealousy, instead of concern for me.
I would feel the same way. You haven't talked to your exboyfriend for years and the current bf has the audacity of getting jealous... of a dead person?
That's his first reaction? He doesn't deserve you.
Well we've communicated a little, and what started out as a pissing match has calmed right down - and he's not responding the way he usually does when he's cranky. He's being very reasonable actually, a much softer tone than in the past. Although the communication isn't all lovey-dovey (I'm still pretty angry with him) - he's very patient and wordy (for him) in his replies. Almost like he's taking care to explain himself rather than be an *******.
Well we've communicated a little, and what started out as a pissing match has calmed right down - and he's not responding the way he usually does when he's cranky. He's being very reasonable actually, a much softer tone than in the past. Although the communication isn't all lovey-dovey (I'm still pretty angry with him) - he's very patient and wordy (for him) in his replies. Almost like he's taking care to explain himself rather than be an *******.
It's kind of thrown me.
I can understand that, HisLove. It's probably not what you expected. But, it seems to me its a good sign -- as in you b/f may have realized his reaction was a bit absurd and out of line, and now he's trying to make amends. Don't make it too difficult for his to "save face," but on the other hand, don't make it too easy, either. Just take it slow, talk it out, and hopefully you'll both end up on higher ground.
Yes TM, I won't back him into a corner - I only save that for when I'm beyond reason any more - and it usually destroys everything beyond recognition. That's not how I'm feeling at all.
Not sure if he's trying to make amends either. It's just...different. ? He finds it difficult to admit his wrong, and I get that about him now. It's just the way he is and I can work around it.
For example, in the past when he's in a bad mood, I'll get one word replies. Is your computer playing up (me asking tactfully)? No. Gone out. <---- That was his grumpy old man impression lol.
Now last night instead he says - I was online before and didn't see you. And there are bad storms and lightning here so that's why I went off.
When what I was expecting was I'M BUSY.
Big difference.
I said good morning to him this morning...and he did reply with a full screen of text. Nothing to write home about, but at one time it would have been MORNING. and nothing else.
Yes TM, I won't back him into a corner - I only save that for when I'm beyond reason any more - and it usually destroys everything beyond recognition. That's not how I'm feeling at all.
Not sure if he's trying to make amends either. It's just...different. ? He finds it difficult to admit his wrong, and I get that about him now. It's just the way he is and I can work around it.
For example, in the past when he's in a bad mood, I'll get one word replies. Is your computer playing up (me asking tactfully)? No. Gone out. <---- That was his grumpy old man impression lol.
Now last night instead he says - I was online before and didn't see you. And there are bad storms and lightning here so that's why I went off.
When what I was expecting was I'M BUSY.
Big difference.
I said good morning to him this morning...and he did reply with a full screen of text. Nothing to write home about, but at one time it would have been MORNING. and nothing else.
Patience I guess.
Sounds like to me that somewhere in the midst of this whole blow-up you may have said something to him about not understanding how he thinks or the reasons for why he reacted the way he did.
That may have been a "light bulb" moment for him, and now he's trying to be extra careful to explain EVERYTHING to you in terms of the back story for his any of his deeds/actions.
If this indeed is the scenario, what he doesn't get is the fact that what upset you was not so much *how* he thinks, but *what* he thought in the first place.
Guys tend to be solution-oriented. Given that, it makes sense if he thought about what happened between the two of you and wanted to "fix it," that he latched on to the *how he thinks* aspect as something he can address and "fix" by explaining the hows/whys/what happeneds that led to the final result.
Kinda cute, in a way... as it sounds like to me *he is* trying to not upset you further by making sure you understand the reasons for his behavior/actions.
But, the problem is, that's not really what bothered you about his behavior in the first place!
Agree with you that not backing him a corner about this is the best approach for the time being. But, you might want to keep your eyes/ears open for clues to why he seemed to be so threatened by an incident that most people would at least have some empathy for...
He's HOME!! He's home, he's home, he's home. I didn't think he would be back until tonight, but he got the time wrong. He popped up on IM this morning. He chatted to me just about everyday while he was in Italy.
I can't work him out.Baby steps. I hate baby steps lol.
Especially when it seems more like: three steps forward, two steps back, eh? Men!
Quote:
TM, there are other guys hanging around but there's only one I want.
HisLove, now that he's tended to his sister, what's the status of his other family obligations? Is there any way that you two of you might be able to carve out some time to see each other?
If not, maybe it's time to dust off the old "Care Package" idea. Since he's been through so much lately, a little "remote" TLC might be appreciated, and just the thing to get him thinking a little more about how nice it would be to have a good thing more consistently in his life...
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<---- That was his grumpy old man impression lol.
as it sounds like to me *he is* trying to not upset you further by making sure you understand the reasons for his behavior/actions.
I didn't think he would be back until tonight, but he got the time wrong. He popped up on IM this morning. He chatted to me just about everyday while he was in Italy.
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