Hi,
I could really use some advice! My fiance and I got engaged last June and since we've been engaged, our sex life has disappeared. We've probably had sex twice in the past month or so and even then, those two times were pretty crappy. Just shallow kisses and barely any foreplay. Otherwise he's either always too tired or he's turning me down for a computer game. World of Warcraft especially.
I've tried everything. I've tried subtlety, which we all know doesn't work on men, I've tried the full-blown lingerie fest and have even stood at the office door waiting for him to notice me. And what do I get, not now honey. I's playing my game. I've even told him to get rid of the game, which he didn't start playing until after we were engaged. I've brought this up to him and he says he's still attracted to me.
The problem is, i don't FEEL like he's attracted to me anymore. He has turned me down EVERY time I've made an advance.
He even turned me down on Valentine's evening after we'd gone to a romantic restaurant, which was his idea, and had some time to ourselves. Said he was too tired. I may as well have spent Valentine's night in an empty bed.
Does anyone have any advice? I'm pulling my hair out. I don't want to be engaged, and eventually married, to a man who rarely touches me further than a kiss even if he does do romantic things on occasion! How can we rekindle the passion?!
That is weird!
I never turned down sex. Of course, i probably have a problem because i would pleasure myself to spice girl videos after marriage.
Anyway, could it be he might be a closet homosexual. Im being totally serious here. Maybe you are his fence and now that you are engaged he doesnt feel he has to prove it to you?
For some reason he doesn't feel the urge, and i can't explain that.
I bet it's the WOW. You said he didn't start playing it until after you got engaged, right? That stuff is like crack. It's probably all he can think about.
I bet it's the WOW. You said he didn't start playing it until after you got engaged, right? That stuff is like crack. It's probably all he can think about.
How does anything top sex though? Nothing can be THAT good. It cannot suppress sexual urges, can it?
Also, being at the computer so long, all it takes is a simple alt-tab to view porn, crank one out, then go back to playing WOW. So he may be getting his fill that way.
Walk into the office where he's playing. Slide up next to him with your full body pressed against him. Then gently lay the engagement ring on top of the keyboard and proclaim "I now pronounce you Husband and Game". And walk out.
Then go out with friends, or just go out. Shut your cell off. Don't answer his calls if he does call. And when you're ready, go home.
Guarantee he'll be in a state of panic. Sit him down and tell him his Wow game is killing your relationship, and he can choose to work with you or not. And if he doesn't want to... up to you, but starring at the rest of your life exactly as it is right now would make me ditch the whole thing and start over with someone who isn't a video game freak. Trust me, life with an a person who ignores you for a video game SUCKS.
Walk into the office where he's playing. Slide up next to him with your full body pressed against him. Then gently lay the engagement ring on top of the keyboard and proclaim "I now pronounce you Husband and Game". And walk out.
Then go out with friends, or just go out. Shut your cell off. Don't answer his calls if he does call. And when you're ready, go home.
Guarantee he'll be in a state of panic. Sit him down and tell him his Wow game is killing your relationship, and he can choose to work with you or not. And if he doesn't want to... up to you, but starring at the rest of your life exactly as it is right now would make me ditch the whole thing and start over with someone who isn't a video game freak. Trust me, life with an a person who ignores you for a video game SUCKS.
Sounds like he is a video game addict..it's an increasing problem in today's society. I counsel people with this problem and it effects every area of their life and destroys their relationships. Its like being addicted to a drug.
You need to do an intervention. QUICK. I agree with Walk that you need to sit him down and give him a piece of reality. Tell him you are worried and you think this game is ruining your relationship. Ask him if he would be willing to get help (counseling, support groups) and tell him that you don't want to marry someone who's life resolves around a video game. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but he needs to get help in order for your relationship to have a future. If he doesn't agree to the intervention, I suggest that you seperate yourself from him for awhile (go stay with a friend or parents) until he comes to his senses. That may give him the wake up call he needs.
Sounds like he is a video game addict..it's an increasing problem in today's society. I counsel people with this problem and it effects every area of their life and destroys their relationships. Its like being addicted to a drug.
You need to do an intervention. QUICK. I agree with Walk that you need to sit him down and give him a piece of reality. Tell him you are worried and you think this game is ruining your relationship. Ask him if he would be willing to get help (counseling, support groups) and tell him that you don't want to marry someone who's life resolves around a video game. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but he needs to get help in order for your relationship to have a future. If he doesn't agree to the intervention, I suggest that you seperate yourself from him for awhile (go stay with a friend or parents) until he comes to his senses. That may give him the wake up call he needs.
I agree with what most everyone has been saying. I've tried to sit him down to talk about it, but he gets VERY defensive. He works the night shift every night so i usually don't get to see him in the evenings or through the night period. Then he sleeps about 10 hours from 7 am to early evening and the rest of his free time is usually watching tv or playing his game until work. I've asked him about it and he just says its his way to relieve stress. Isn't SEX a good way to relieve stress? ::sighs:: Could our sex issue be more the problem that he works nights? But then again, I'm still getting turned down when he plays that game.
And I have thought about leaving him. At least for a couple weeks. But I also have a son to worry about, and I'm afraid it would disrupt his life if I packed him up and left. At least my fiance puts some time in with my son. I actually got to sleep in today while he watched him. I just can't help but wonder if the game is just an excuse not to sleep with me. I admit, I don't look as good as when we first met. I've put on about 40 pounds in the past 6 months, I've found gray hairs (I'm only 22!!!!!) and I'm stressed out all the time because of finances. But usually when I initiate sex, I'm relaxed and wanting to have some fun. He just doesn't want to.
What about the rest of the relationship? Which way did the river flow, from sex to relationship, or vice-versa? Those answers could be pretty telling, IMO. How are his relationships with other loved ones and friends?
As directx mentioned, he might be enjoying the alt.binaries newsgroups a bit too much (if I caught their drift right). Newsgroups are an addiction all their own LOL..
When is the wedding scheduled?
Lastly, if you want to lose weight and color your hair, do it for you. If he's really in love with you, that stuff is irrelevant to his feelings and desire. And, trust me (my wife is a stylist and went gray in her early twenties), you're not alone
I expect that right now he sees sex as an obligation, and WOW as fun and a way to escape obligation in general. I know some WOW addicts and I couldn't imagine being with one. They are either obsessed with leveling and quests, or they are obsessed over someone they met ingame. You will want to make sure that its the game he is obsessed with and not someone on the other end of a character that he interacts with. You'd be surprised how many affairs start from people meeting ingame.
Either way, the game has got to go, at the very least until you and he can get to the bottom of why he is disinterested in sex and turns to fantasy instead. You will want to be open to whatever he may say as well - even if it comes down to a matter of him simply not being attracted to you anymore. If you aren't open to him being completely honest about it then understand this: he will simply lie to save your feelings and bury himself deeper in away from you. I surely would not get married under such circumstances hoping he will change on his own. I don't see that happening.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
Another one bites the dust. I hate WoW for that. Somebody else mentioned the Yahoo group for WoW Widows, its a fantastic resource and support system. I recommend you give him the choice of you or the game, and do not try to negotiate it, WoW is a game that cannot be played in moderation, its an addiction.
I agree with what most everyone has been saying. I've tried to sit him down to talk about it, but he gets VERY defensive. He works the night shift every night so i usually don't get to see him in the evenings or through the night period. Then he sleeps about 10 hours from 7 am to early evening and the rest of his free time is usually watching tv or playing his game until work. I've asked him about it and he just says its his way to relieve stress. Isn't SEX a good way to relieve stress? ::sighs:: Could our sex issue be more the problem that he works nights? But then again, I'm still getting turned down when he plays that game.
And I have thought about leaving him. At least for a couple weeks. But I also have a son to worry about, and I'm afraid it would disrupt his life if I packed him up and left. At least my fiance puts some time in with my son. I actually got to sleep in today while he watched him. I just can't help but wonder if the game is just an excuse not to sleep with me. I admit, I don't look as good as when we first met. I've put on about 40 pounds in the past 6 months, I've found gray hairs (I'm only 22!!!!!) and I'm stressed out all the time because of finances. But usually when I initiate sex, I'm relaxed and wanting to have some fun. He just doesn't want to.
Voice your concerns very sternly. It's time to take action..and fast. Ask him if going to a support group or counseling would be possible. You need to voice to him that you are not happy. It's always important in a relationship to voice concerns about anything..communication is so important. Tell him you are unhappy and ask him to do something about it.
You really need to resolve this before you marry him. He is spending WAY too much time on this game and needs to focus on you. My best friend is a WOW widow and though she doesn't believe in divorce she is miserable at times. She's been married five years and her husband started playing about four years ago. They have a 3 year old son and her husband rarely interacts with their son at all. They live with her in laws so when she is not at home they watch the kid (not her husband) Her husband practically lives in his parents' basement and plays his game all the hours he is not at work. They recently went out for their anniversary (to a hotel and dinner while their son was at home with grandparents) She was really looking forward to this because they never get any time alone anymore. Well her husband spent the whole night complaining that he couldn't play WOW and that it was the most miserable night of his life etc. He refused to have sex with her, didnt' want to cuddle etc. Just moped because he couldn't play his little game.
I don't think its your weight or appearance either to be honest- my friend is the same size as when she married her husband (and he couldn't keep his hands off her and she is stunning and while her husband is rather homely (sorry but its the truth) and should be thanking his lucky stars he married such a beautiful woman, he could care less. He is just obsessed with the game. I would talk to your fiance and ask him to cut back, to make one night a week totally about the two of you (or three of you if you want to include your son) and then gradually wean him off the game.
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