"Hi,
my boyfriend and I had had a long distance relationship for 4 years, he has 1 child froma previous relationship and I have 2 children from a previous relationship. We have always been great together and mostly got to see each other every fortnight, had lots of weekends away together,spent every Xmas/new year together and had holidays with all the kids. He always called me 2/3 times a week and text me nearly every day. For the last year we have talked about moving in together but due to money problems, him been unemployed until recently and kids we haven't been able to do it. then out of the blue a 2 weeks ago i got a text message from him which said "I'm fed up with a long distance relationship, we are never going to live together, I love you but i want more, this is for the best in the long term" I have sent text messages back to him saying I'm prepared to move to his area as soon as we can sort it out but he wont reply and I've not heard from him in two weeks any advice cause I'm bewildered
With what little background you've shared about your relationship, I'm bewildered, too.
Before this happened, when was the last time the two of you had spoken/gotten together? Has anything else happened between the two of you or to either individually that would have contributed to his decision or what seems to be out of character behavior for him?
Does he have a history of depression or drug/alcohol abuse by chance?
I agree with melodicmaybe...
Have you tried to contact him by phone or in person? If so, why not?
I cannot believe given how long you two have known each other and how often you've spent time together that he would choose such a cowardly way to end your relationship.
Hi
I have tried to phone him twice and there as been no answer,
he came to mine to celebrate my birthday with me 4 weeks ago and all was normal, spoiled me rotten and had a great time.
spoke an the phone/texted lots of times after that all fine and on about him wanting to take me away for a weekend again soon etc.
Did have a few cross words so to speak the week before i got the "we are over text."
We are supposed to be going to a concert on Friday this week and i was going to his and staying there the friday night and coming home on Saturday and I wanted him to come back to mine on the Saturday with me as my child is in a show i wanted him to come and watch with me. He said no too Much "hassle" which i got a bit funny about and asked what he ment he said getting train back was pain in *** so asked why after all this time getting train back was it now a "hassle" then got a text saying i was over reacting and to stop giving him a hard time.
then wham got the text saying he was fed up with long distance relationship he loves me but wants more.
i did send another text tonight to ask if he wanted me to go on friday night for the concert but no reply as yet?
Dont now whether i should just turn up at his on friday any way as planned if i dont hear from him or not?
dont think or feel hes met anyone else. Trust as never been an issue in our relationship. We have both been lied/cheated on before and honesty as always been paramount to us both.
Also we met online and chatted online for about six months before we met and he as always said because of that he felt our relationship was so strong because we had always been completly honest with each other and you could say things on line to someone you wouldnt say in person for a long time I knew more about him then his life long friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by melodicmaybe
That's an awfully abrupt ending to a long term relationship. It is possible that he's just met someone else?
He may very well have met someone, in person, that he fancies and would like to get to know better. Then, in order to not cheat on you, he let you know things were over. Conscience cleared.
For someone who went on and on about how your relationship was so strong and you know him better than his lifelong friends and all about honesty...he sure picked a cowardly way to end this relationship. Text? He didn't even give you the courtesy of a call? I believe that's because he didn't want you to ask questions...and that tells me he's hiding something.
Personally, I would drive out to his place and confront him. 4 years is a long time to end it with a text. He needs to be honest about what's going on, and you deserve the courtesy of being heard.
I have tried to phone him twice and there as been no answer, he came to mine to celebrate my birthday with me 4 weeks ago and all was normal, spoiled me rotten and had a great time. spoke an the phone/texted lots of times after that all fine and on about him wanting to take me away for a weekend again soon etc.
Did have a few cross words so to speak the week before i got the "we are over text."
We are supposed to be going to a concert on Friday this week and i was going to his and staying there the friday night and coming home on Saturday and I wanted him to come back to mine on the Saturday with me as my child is in a show i wanted him to come and watch with me.
He said no too Much "hassle" which i got a bit funny about and asked what he ment he said getting train back was pain in *** so asked why after all this time getting train back was it now a "hassle" then got a text saying i was over reacting and to stop giving him a hard time. then wham got the text saying he was fed up with long distance relationship he loves me but wants more.
i did send another text tonight to ask if he wanted me to go on friday night for the concert but no reply as yet? Dont now whether i should just turn up at his on friday any way as planned if i dont hear from him or not?
Hmmm....
His snippy reaction to your request to have him come back home with you to attend your child's performance certainly doesn't sound very caring or loving -- odd, since you seem to imply in the past that the two of you happily have included each other's children in your lives.
I hate to say this, but I wonder if he has found someone else where he lives? That could have been the reason why he reacted as he did to your unexpected invitation to come back home with you on Sat/Sun. Caught off-guard he just threw out the first excuse he could think of (all of a sudden, taking the train back was a pain).
If he has found someone else locally, that doesn't mean he isn't telling you the truth. He may indeed still love you, he may indeed may want more, but doesn't see that happening given the geographic barriers.
You texting him and saying you would be willing to move to his town may be the exact reason why he hasn't answered your texts or phone calls. He probably didn't expect you to say that, and now what can he say/do, if he's already gotten himself into a relationship with another?
(BTW, why ARE the two of you geographically separate? Did you ever have plans to resolve this? If so, how? If not, why?)
As far whether you should go to see him on Friday even though you've heard nothing from him about the concert, even after you sent a text...
It's up to you, but I think I would -- but, perhaps not on Friday as he expects. I might consider going on Saturday, and showing up at his house unannounced. The purpose being, for the two of you to talk about what's going on and why. I think he owes you an explanation. After fours years together and telling you that he still loves you -- he owes you at least that.
You may not like what he has to say, but at least you're not sitting there twisting in the wind, clueless about what happened and blaming yourself for something that in all probability, you weren't guilty of, at all.
I feel for you sweetdream. Absolutely gutting to be in your position -- and absolutely heartless and irresponsible for your b/f to do this to you.
I hope you are able to get to the bottom of this -- if for no other reason than the fact that it will help you move on.
Best of luck to you, and don't hesitate to come here to post and vent if you need to. Lots of people here can identify with what you're going through, and having a place to share your thoughts and feelings, often helps.
He may very well have met someone, in person, that he fancies and would like to get to know better. Then, in order to not cheat on you, he let you know things were over. Conscience cleared.
Exactly what I was thinking, NoraJane.
Quote:
For someone who went on and on about how your relationship was so strong and you know him better than his lifelong friends and all about honesty...he sure picked a cowardly way to end this relationship. Text? He didn't even give you the courtesy of a call? I believe that's because he didn't want you to ask questions...and that tells me he's hiding something.
Again, that's what my gut says too, NoraJane. There's got to be an explanation why he's dodging all contact -- and this is often the reason, unfortunately.
A couple of things came to my mind that he may be trying to hide, but they don't involve cheating.
Firstly, he might not really have a job even though you said he was unemployed until recently.
Secondly, due to not having a job, he may have lost his house or apartment and having to bunk in with somebody else and is embarassed for you to know about it.
Perhaps he thinks it's easier to break it off than feel humiliated about his circumstances??
Just some thoughts. But I sure wouldn't let it go either if it happened to me. After 4 years you deserve the truth.
spoke to one of his friends to day she said that there is deffinatly no one else and to just give him time, hes not really said any thing to her but she thinks hes just worried about me and my kids moving to his area as it would be a big thing for us all.and what would happen if it didnt work out etc.
spoke to one of his friends to day she said that there is deffinatly no one else and to just give him time, hes not really said any thing to her but she thinks hes just worried about me and my kids moving to his area as it would be a big thing for us all.and what would happen if it didnt work out etc.
I can understand him wanting time and space to think, but I thought you said you told him you'd move to his area AFTER he sent you the text saying he wanted to end the relationship?
Given what his friend has said, just curious what you've decided about going to visit this weekend (concert or otherwise)?
And, how do you feel about what the friend said is the reason for his behavior? If he has a history of "retreating" like this when things get "complicated," I suppose this makes some sense...
spoke to one of his friends to day she said that there is deffinatly no one else and to just give him time, hes not really said any thing to her but she thinks hes just worried about me and my kids moving to his area as it would be a big thing for us all.and what would happen if it didnt work out etc.
That doesn't add up.
Give him time for what? He didn't say he wanted time and space to think. He didn't ask for time. He broke up with you over text, and isn't taking your calls.
Also, if those are really his concerns, why wouldn't he DISCUSS them with YOU since the largest impact would be to you and your children, and it's your joint future anyway? Why would he just break up over text and not want to talk to you at all.
Unfortunately, I have to agree with NoraJane. Something is going on, something that you're not savvy to. When people act shady like he's doing, it's generally because there is something going on.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
