Hi,

I am married, but my hubby and I are still college students, so we share our house with 2 roommates. One of them is my friend "Al", and he's THE best roommmate I've ever had. He pays his rent before it's due, pays his bills on time, is neat and quiet and easy to get along with, and he has a job.

The other roommate ("Bob") is my husband's friend. He's another story. He's very messy. He leaves his dirty socks in the living room and whenever I ask him to pick up after himself he makes fun of me, but only when my hubby isn't around. When my husband is home, B is always very respectful! Bob never has enough money and his girlfriend breaks up with him abou once a month because he owes her about $1000 from last year.

Well, 2 weeks ago Al pulled me aside when I got home from work and said that he and Bob had been home during the day. Al went out to his car to get something and when he came back, the front door was locked. He unlocked it, went inside and found Bob in MY room. Bob said nothing. I found money I had on my dresser was missing only about $15. I decided not to say anything, I thought I may have spent the money and forgotten about it.

This morning I left for my other job at a daycare. I came home after recess, which I don't normally do, and I found another $10 gone. Al was still at work, but Bob had just left because I waved to him in his car as I was coming home.

I talked to my husband about it finally, and he bought me a safe, but I still feel very unhappy about the situation. I want to talk to Bob about it but I know he will get very defensive and angry and just deny it, even though no one else could have possibly done it.

Should I just leave it alone, or talk to him about it?

[Tony T]

The evidence indicates Bob is a stinking thief. If your husband defends his criminal behavior, that says something about your husband.

Bob needs to go. Living in a home together requires a great deal of trust and Bob has clearly shown himself not to be trustworthy. You don't need to live like this in your own home, having to lock things down, put money in a safe, and constantly worry about what Bob is going to walk off with.

This behavior probably started out when Bob was a child, stealing money from his mother's purse when she wasn't looking. That doesn't make this any better, though.

Have a real serious talk with your husband and let him know that you just don't feel good having Bob in the house. While you can't tell your husband who his friends should be, I'd say if I was married to you and my best friend stole money from you...he'd be history in a second. Nobody needs friends like that.