quick question for the men

tinke · 29th December 2007, 5:38 AM

just a bit puzzled, maybe you can shed some light!

WHY would someone just vanish from a LTR with NO MORE than a brief unexplained "bye".....and nothing more?

no explanation, no response from contacts: no answering calls, letters, e-mails....plus what i find the wierdest of all....no requests to even STOP THE CONTACTS...nothing!

being communicative, i guess i can see myself leaving some form of explanation or at the least asking him to stop contacting me if i did not want to hear from him (even if left on a phone mess. when i know he will not be home), a quick e-mail asking him to stop all contacts...something.

i just don't understand this, seems as though it happens often.

Always Wrong · 29th December 2007, 8:59 AM

That doesn't sound normal at all. Maybe there's something wrong with him. If there's no medical "excuse", then he's not a very caring person.

Always Wrong · 29th December 2007, 9:04 AM

Do you mean he just left for work one day and didn't come back? And how long is long term?

Ping · 29th December 2007, 9:12 AM

it seems ......something special. something you think it unreasonable,but others not.

tinke · 29th December 2007, 10:10 AM

ping..what does that mean??

LTR-(10 yrs.) LD for last two, although we frequently visited..talk of marriage, etc.
i was occupied with caring for ill family member, plus work, etc. couldn't move just yet.

yes, he left a bye e-mail..that's it. oh, and answered the phone 1x after several wks to say bye....no more.

what i am asking is, why wouldn't someone at least call, write, leave mess. something just to ask one (me)not to contact them (if they have no intention of giving an explanation or accepting the call, etc). if i truly did not want someone to further contact me, i would ask them not to...not simply ignore all attempts.
of course, this being after i had given some reason for the departure, etc.

how does one just vanish? and then when the other party tries contact to discuss, there is pure avoidance. i guess i would expect to hear to leave him alone if that is what he truly wanted/needed. how can someone ignore attempted contacts after he just fled?

would you at the very least say...i don't want to hear from you anymore, do not contact me? (after a LTR).

No Foolin · 29th December 2007, 10:44 AM

When a male rolls out of a relation its generally abrupt. No explaination provided for why; and knowing why is never going to provide any solace. Trust me.

No Foolin

your star · 29th December 2007, 6:46 PM

tinke,

my ex and I were together for 6 1/2 years. when he broke up with me he disappeared for two months. He avoided me in any possible way he could. i called, left vms telling him to let's at least leave on good terms and not like the way he was...during my attempts of contacting him he never said simply to stay out of his life, he just simply disappeared. he finally came back into my life on my birthday, the first question I asked him was, "why did you feel the need to just simply disappear?". His answer was that he couldnt handle seeing me so sad and had to get away and block out everything.

sometimes we believe that we are forgotten and that they arent affected. when really that's not the case at all.

tinke · 29th December 2007, 7:46 PM

thank you for your replies...just so hard to fathom.

i don't know, it's just difficult to imagine someone receiving contacts and blatantly ignoring them. if anything, i could understand a statement of stop contacting me, before plain silence. how can one keep receiving these without wanting to say that?

yes brothermartin, there is a ladylike and gentlemanly way of doing things.

PinkRibbon · 29th December 2007, 9:33 PM

I can see that. My husband has dropped out of my life. No contact no nothing. Like he never existed except for the hurt and pain I feel.

alyyyhsa · 29th December 2007, 9:44 PM

this is exactly what happened to me. while i feel your pain, i'm glad to know i'm not alone in going through this. i too find it unfathomable that someone can read your emails, listen to your vms, and read your texts and then somehow have the audacity (and i guess self-restraint, which i apparently don't have) to just ignore your attempts at communication.

it's not even like we're begging for them back. just a verbal acknowledgement that it's OVER.

my favorite part of when i finally got mine on the phone after weeks of his avoidance and silence was him saying: oh, that's not what i intended by my silence and disappearance. i've just been really busy...and then i never heard from him again.