Hi. I've been living with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and everything was going okay until about 5 months ago. We got a computer at home and now all he wants to do is play a game called Everquest on the internet. We hardly spend time together and when we do it just doesn't feel right. We're common law married and I love him a lot. I just don't know what to do for him anymore. He says it is something that he is going through but I ask him when it will be over with and he says he doesn't know. He doesn't even know what it is that he is going through. He tells me that he loves me a lot but I don't feel like he does anymore. He never really wants to go out and do anything anymore. Can somebody tell me what you think is going on with him. He says that he is sorry that he is acting this way but he just can't help it right now. He's not really interested in anything anymore. I know he is not seeing somebody else. That's not at all like him and I have asked him about it before. He's either at work, at home playing the internet, or one of his good friends is over at our house playing Everquest with him. Help! I want my boyfriend back!!!

[Tony T]

He has Internet Game Addiction...new addictions come out all the time and new things emerge to get addicted to. Usually, people with addictive personalities are vulnerable to this so he may have had a drinking or drug problem at sometime or he may have fought those off in favor of an addiction that is more socially acceptable (public drunkenness and drugs are illegal).

Go to www.google.com , an excellent search engine, and enter either "internet game addiction" or "computer game addiction" without the quotation marks and press go. You will get lots of research information on this subject.

Addictions tend to get worse over time and, like drugs, require more exposure and challenge to get the same result so it's not likely he'll get better until there is some traumatic event that makes him realize his problem is serious (such as you leaving) or if he willingly consents to treatment intervention, which is not likely until he realizes he has an addiction.

Very often people get involved in addictive behavior to escape painful events of the past or present. Right now, it seems he is effectively avoiding having a meaningful relationship with you by spending time with these games. However, this could be due to childhood issues, relationship issues, or just plain addiction issues. A competent therapist can get to the root cause.

Good luck. This is a real tough one. If you can't get him to accept help, either get a common law divorce or consider yourself a widow in residence.

Uh oh, Everquest? That game has to be responsible for the most relationship problems of any game to date. I've played games of this type (but not specifically EQ) for a couple years now, and it's hard to get away from them, because of how they basically force you to play as much as you possibly can. You develop friends online then you get sucked into the trap of trying to stay up with their progress... it's not very good for relationships.

Maybe you need to give him a little *incentive* to get away from the computer . Remind him it's just a game, and things in real life are more important. This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way, but at least I realized what these games do before it was too late.

Hi. I've been living with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and everything was going okay until about 5 months ago. We got a computer at home and now all he wants to do is play a game called Everquest on the internet. We hardly spend time together and when we do it just doesn't feel right. We're common law married and I love him a lot. I just don't know what to do for him anymore. He says it is something that he is going through but I ask him when it will be over with and he says he doesn't know. He doesn't even know what it is that he is going through. He tells me that he loves me a lot but I don't feel like he does anymore. He never really wants to go out and do anything anymore. Can somebody tell me what you think is going on with him. He says that he is sorry that he is acting this way but he just can't help it right now. He's not really interested in anything anymore. I know he is not seeing somebody else. That's not at all like him and I have asked him about it before. He's either at work, at home playing the internet, or one of his good friends is over at our house playing Everquest with him. Help! I want my boyfriend back!!!