How do i deal with my girlfriend's past or not so past threesome?
I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months. She told me from the beginning that she had threesomes with her best friend since grade school and her bestfriend's fiancee.It last happened 6 or 7 months before we got together.The twist is they are still best friends and the fiancee even texts and calls her on a regular basis.They also live 5 minutes from her but are getting married.She said she wants us all to be friends.We all went to dinner together so i could atleast give it a try,but the whole thing made my stomach turn.I felt extremely uncomfortable the entire time.Am i being rediculous or do i really have something to worry about?
Interesting dilemma! I like your gf being so open-minded, and apparently so able to compartmentalize her sexuality from her relationships. It sounds like she was just being very expressive while engaging in these threesomes, and also able to maintain her friendships separately from the "act". It also sounds like it was just a sexual thing, since her bf and the bf are getting married.
If it bothers you that much, I would ask her if she misses the threesomes, if she plans on still continuing this with this couple, or would like to have one in the future with someone new. If she says no, then let it go. If she says yes, then you may have a whole other issue on your hands, if having a threesome with her and another girl is not what you are working towards.
Different people have different moralities and appetites. If it turns your stomach, find someone with a similar morality and appetite.
Myself personally, I would run like the wind from someone like this, but firstly, I would get myself checked out for STDs. Fidelity within a committed relationship appears to be a challenge to your girl.
[quote=Trialbyfire;1450676Myself personally, I would run like the wind from someone like this, but firstly, I would get myself checked out for STDs. Fidelity within a committed relationship appears to be a challenge to your girl.[/QUOTE]
I disagree with you for the first time ever on this TBF. Just because she had been in 3-somes doesn't necessarily mean she or the people involved swung from guy to guy or girl to girl. And having a 3some in the past means nothing about fidelity as long as all people involved were consensual and she wasn't having them behind a boyfriend's back.
The OP needs to tell her "I wouldn't be comfortable having a threesome, not within a committed relationship. Is this something you want to explore again? Because it's not something I am comforrtable with. I am not judging your past, I just want to determine what our values are to make sure this never becomes an issue. You are the only woman I want to be with and I would not want a threesome myself. What are your feelings?"
I disagree with you for the first time ever on this TBF. Just because she had been in 3-somes doesn't necessarily mean she or the people involved swung from guy to guy or girl to girl. And having a 3some in the past means nothing about fidelity as long as all people involved were consensual and she wasn't having them behind a boyfriend's back.
The OP needs to tell her "I wouldn't be comfortable having a threesome, not within a committed relationship. Is this something you want to explore again? Because it's not something I am comforrtable with. I am not judging your past, I just want to determine what our values are to make sure this never becomes an issue. You are the only woman I want to be with and I would not want a threesome myself. What are your feelings?"
Note I specifically stated moralities, as well as appetites. I find threesomes morally and sexually revolting. A relationship is between two people, not dragging in another piece of meat, when the urge strikes you. Just Eeewwwww...
I disagree with you for the first time ever on this TBF. Just because she had been in 3-somes doesn't necessarily mean she or the people involved swung from guy to guy or girl to girl. And having a 3some in the past means nothing about fidelity as long as all people involved were consensual and she wasn't having them behind a boyfriend's back.
The OP needs to tell her "I wouldn't be comfortable having a threesome, not within a committed relationship. Is this something you want to explore again? Because it's not something I am comforrtable with. I am not judging your past, I just want to determine what our values are to make sure this never becomes an issue. You are the only woman I want to be with and I would not want a threesome myself. What are your feelings?"
Agreed, Oppath. I didn't get the impression that she was engaging in threesomes while WITH the OP, but she was maintaining friendships with her former bedmates and this is what is concerning to the poster. I also suggested he ask her if this is behavior she would like, or plans to continue.
And I don't find threesomes "revolting" in the least. One of the hottest sexual experiences of my life was with two men. Both of whom were bi...
Agreed, Oppath. I didn't get the impression that she was engaging in threesomes while WITH the OP, but she was maintaining friendships with her former bedmates and this is what is concerning to the poster. I also suggested he ask her if this is behavior she would like, or plans to continue.
And I don't find threesomes "revolting" in the least. One of the hottest sexual experiences of my life was with two men. Both of whom were bi...
I agree with you, but I completely understand the OP being uncomfortable with it, too, as I respect the no 3-some value system. I'm not a 3-some guy. I am just friends with sex writers, dominatrix's, etc.
The OP has reason to feel uncomfortable and that is not irrational, as this is a potential problem due to two different, none superior than the other, value systems. He has every right to say "when I'm in a relationship, I don't want sex with other people. Is a three some something you'd want to consider in the future, while in a relationship with me? What are your sexual attitudes within a committed relationship."
My sex writer friends are actually all about committed relationships and monogamy. They might piss on a penis during sex -- to be crude -- but within a relationship, they do have different values and tastes and compromise to align with their partner. I think the OP just wants to be assured that she isn't going to want to run off and have a 3-some. I honestly think it is doubtful she would want to do that, especially if he is not inclined.
Totally agreed. This could have been just something she did while single, and she very well could respect the sanctity of a commited relationship. My threesome occured with two men I knew for years, and while none of us was otherwise involved. I have done my more prurient activities, but never while in a relationship. It is possible for someone to indulge a wild side, without it becoming their moniker. Let's hope that's true for the OP's gal...
Why expect less/more or restrict sexuality? Just one more opportunity for pent-up resentment, for the long-term. If threesomes are your thing, stick with someone else with the same appetites.
Well, TBF, you are making the assumption that this is part of her de rigeur and something she requires going forward, and I was trying to make the point that a person can engage in threesomes in their past, and also be able to be in a commited, monogomous relationship and not miss the threesomes. I LOVED my MMF encounter. Would I do one again? Possibly, but not likely. Would I consider one while I was in a relationship? HELL NO!!!
She told me from the beginning that she had threesomes with her best friend since grade school and her bestfriend's fiancee.It last happened 6 or 7 months before we got together.The twist is they are still best friends and the fiancee even texts and calls her on a regular basis.
Yes TBF, but it also was her past... I also used to do a lot of blow, and I wouldn't so much as touch anything stronger than an aspirin now. People change, desires change, tastes change.
I think the OP needs to have the convo that Oppath and I suggested and find out what her exact proclivities are in this arena. She very well may confirm that this is something she plans on doing again, and then yes, agreed he is better off not staying with her. Or, she may say it was something she used to do, is over it, and is perfectly content with the OP. I'm hoping for the latter, as he seems to really like her.
The past ingrained behavioural patterns, dictate current and future actions. Either this girl never had a single boyfriend before the current one, or she continued to partake, regardless of b/f, possibly with the b/fs consent, possibly not. You do the math about fidelity.
I have absolutely no idea how you can possibly make such gross assumptions and judgements on this person whom you have never met. and know so little about. I give people a lot more credit for having the capacity for change, as I know I have done so in many areas of my life. I don't know many people who are exactly who they were 5 years or 10 years prior. Seems rather stunted and small-minded to me, if not terribly boring.
As said earlier, let's have the OP have a conversation with her, and find out her direction and goals.
LS is all about judgements for every single thread. The OP offers up information, everyone gives advice based on personal judgement of the situation. Otherwise, the advice would all be, "Well, we can't give you any advice because we need to meet both parties and get to know them intimately, in order to truly understand the situation."
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