Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
 once more i need advice  ..so anyway gf and i broke up a while back...she pretty much harrassed me with all sorts of unwanted information about her new relationship. now its been two weeks of no contact and i feel like ****...! |
The contact she gave you later after you had broken up, even tho it was to inform you of her new relationship, was contact.
Most people (generally dumpee's) crave it after they have broken up because in one way or another it leaves the door "open" (in their mind).
This contact never allowed you to grieve her loss or begin the healing process from it.
She was always there.
Just my two cents worth but it sounds like in the last 2 weeks of NC, you have begun that process because the door has been closed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
i was better of when she was harrassing me because i was angry and that sort of helped but now that everything is mellowed out i am slowly falling apart.
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The contact did not help even tho it may have felt that way.
All it did was maintain hope. It did not allow you the process of healing.
You have begun the process therefore it does hurt more than before.
(some will disagree with this).
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
its like she planted all these seeds into my head and now they are slowly breaking me....
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The seeds were only planted because you allowed them to be.
I dont mean this in a mean way, i too have done this, i am the eternal dreamer and do tend to read things into situations after the fact that simply were not there.
(forgive me if i am wrong in your situation about this).
it took me a long time to realize that (for me atleast anyway) complete enforced NC on both sides is the best way to stop me from doing this.
Our minds create situations and dreams that are not nessecarily there as a way of coping with the pain of the loss.
It is these seeds, these "ideas", that gave you some hope to be positive about the situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
im so confused because i dont know what i want...last time i seen her i really wasnt attracted to her at all...i know i dont want to go back into a relationship with her.......
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You are right, if you no longer find her attractive, then it is a sign that you no longer want to be in a relationship with her (most people need some sort of attraction to be with someone).
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
so what do i want? to be honset i thought that if i cried my eyes out that some of that pressure woule be relieved but i can't even cry..im just i dont know.....
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My Belief is maybe you are looking for the warmth and the security that you had in the relationship with her.
many of us become "comfortable" in relationships, we yearn for that stability in our lives that sets up apart from the others around us whose lives are chaotic.
You may be looking for the familiarity of a relationship, and believe me it is something that most of us look for because if we didnt we would not hurt so much when the ones we love leave us and we would not feel so lonely when they are gone.
Stability, happiness and love are the driving forces behind most relationships (in my little view).
These may be the things that you are looking for but not nessicarily with her, just in general.
Quote:
Originally Posted by adam S
it was a long three year relationship and she was there for me every step of the way no matter what and i think thats what i miss...its almost like i need some kind of closure or something to set me free..ANY AND ALL ADVICE IS WELCOME!
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As silly as this sounds and you have probably heard it a hundred times already, you need to find the things that YOU can do for YOURSELF to make you happy.
You were with her for a long time and no doubt lent on her during the times of need, she supported you and you reciprocated that support.
Find ways that you can support yourself, by this i mean ways to make yourself happy.
Accomplish small things everyday and reward yourself where you can, eventually you will see that you can do anything and solve any problem without her help, therefore you will have closure.
This is just my opinion and some will disagree, but with me as awful as it sounds, i become dependant on my partners for support and nurturing (more so than i should), therefore when they are gone i feel like i can not make even the most simple decisions without their guidance.
Once i have learnt to support myself without them, i feel free of them and i have closure.
good luck babe, i hope you find the closure you are looking for.
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