[ConfusedGirl004]

I need help with this one.....

I had an affair with a MM about 6 years ago...it ended with NC...but after many months had passed, we became friends. My feelings for him subsided somewhat and I came to a realization that he would never leave his wife...but we couldn't stay with NC as we had become very close...About a year ago, I moved away and we lost touch.

Fast forward to this week....a friend of mine told me he was in the hospital I work at as a patient...He is had major surgery and will be combatting a very serious illness. He told her to get me so I went to see him and I was very upset with his condition..I stayed with him briefly and told him I'd help him anyway I could. The following day, I went to visit him again and his wife was there....talk about it being weird....she knew me, knew my name (I suppose he spoke of me as being a friend)She was very nice. She continued to say how he has her total support and how she's going to be by his side...etc....
I left feeling very guilty. Granted, the affair stopped a long time ago..but meeting her and seeing the two of them together as spouse and care-taker really hit home. I was going to be a very supportive friend and maybe even initiate contact again.(not romantic).but now I don't even want to visit him anymore...Although I know this would hurt him as I'm sure he can use all the support he can get right now...but seeing that his wife is taking good care of him...I just want to disappear on him again.

Am I being reasonable about this???I really do still care for him and want to be with him...but seeing his wife up there all the time makes me uneasy, given our history..I'm sure he's uncomfortable with it as well...he could barely speak to me when I was in the hospital room talking to his wife...
What to do??

[whichwayisup]

Stay away...Send him a card that you hope he feels better and wish them the best. Then walk away...

To continue any kind of friendship with him will only confuse and hurt you as I think deep down you can pretend the feelings have gone, but they haven't.

He is ill and needs his wife, his family near him, sorry - But he doesn't need to feel bad, guilty or feel stressed - So you in the picture only will do that for him. So, please, out of respect for his family, don't visit him anymore..

[ConfusedGirl004]

Which...that is my gut instinct. I'm going to walk away. If he really needs support from me, he knows how to contact me.

[whichwayisup]

Don't mistake him 'needing' support with needing to feed his ego. What kind of support could you honestly give him that his wife and kids, plus extended family and friends can't?

You two had an affair, it's over and for your sake as well as his, it is best to not open that door again, even if you want to open it a crack...

Even if he does contact you, now that you've seen his wife and she's seen you - You should point him in the direction of his wife and tell him to go to her..

Anyway, I hope his health improves.

[ConfusedGirl004]

Yes, you are right. He's smart enough to figure out why he won't be seeing me anymore...especially after that interaction. Thanks Whichway is up...I knew I"d find the right answer on this board...