My boyfriend and I are both 21 and have been out of high school for over 3 years. He dated another girl for almost 4 years in High School (we are from different towns), and at the time had the intention of being with her for the long run. They did everything together, and apparently were VERY into eachother. He broke up with her after high school (he said he grew up, they changed, they just did things together but never knew what the other was thinking, etc.). We started dating a year and a half ago and things have been going great. He says he's never known anyone like me before, and all that kind of mushy stuff. Things are pretty serious, and we're planning on sticking together. However, I can't help but feel like I'm stuck in this shadow of his ex, his High School Sweetheart. We run into her on occasion, he still has pictures of her and whatnot, even a letter I accidentally came across (that I haven't dared to open). Maybe after we hit the 4 year mark I'll feel a little less insecure, haha.
Anyway, I dated in HS, but I wasn't in any serious relationships at all. I'm just wondering if this is something stupid to worry about. Have any of you had longer term high school sweethearts that you are no longer with? Do you ever think about them, or was that just something you thought was love? Anyone else obsessing over exes? I'm open to any type of conversation on the topic! Am I alone in feeling dumb for obsessing over this...?
I don't think you're dumb for keeping your eyes open. Just keep an eye open for anything suspicious. If all seem friendly and cool, you're probably fine. If they start hanging out one-on-one, especially often, there's probably trouble. Nothing wrong in being friends with an ex, it just gets tricky if the ex is single.
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Thanks! I guess I'm not too worried about anything suspicious going on. She's been in a happy relationship for the last two years, and I trust my guy fully. I think I just feel jealous over everything that they've had together, etc. I'm just an overanalyzer I suppose. Besides I should be happy when I'm always hearing "I've never..." after I wow him in bed! lol
Thanks! I guess I'm not too worried about anything suspicious going on. She's been in a happy relationship for the last two years, and I trust my guy fully. I think I just feel jealous over everything that they've had together, etc. I'm just an overanalyzer I suppose. Besides I should be happy when I'm always hearing "I've never..." after I wow him in bed! lol
LoL, you're doing well girlie. No worries. I understand, you feel insecure and sometimes worry that he's comparing you to her and then YOU start comparing you to her, which is stupid, but completely understandable.
It was his first love and she'll always be special, but YOU are the amazing woman who is far better than his first love! I bet he never thought that could exist until he met you.
Try to just relax. Get to know her.
I was with my ex for 5 years, and the next girl I bother to make my GF is going to be sooo much better than her. The fact that he's been with you for 1.5 years says a lot.
I had a similar relationship in highschool. It seems very similar to your now boyfriends experience. We too grew apart after we graduated. It's simply a part of life. Your needs and wants change dramatically during that time. What you want when you are 18, is so very different to what you want when you are in your early twenties.
Your boyfriend will probably always hold a special place in his heart for this girl, as first loves (especially if they're as innocent as this situation is) seem to always remain with us. But, although I care how my ex- boyfriend is doing. I can't imagine being with him in any romantic sense. I think although it's nice to remember the past, in no way can it be re-created.
He probably loves you in such a different way. Although I would have done anything at the time for this guy and I still think of him every now and then. I love my current boyfriend in a completely different way..
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"People forget the things you say and do, but will always remember the way you made them feel" (unknown).
I wish it was that easy.... but sometimes it's hard to just 'forget and run in the other direction' with these things. I know that my high school sweetheart was the woman I was going ot spend my entire life with. Everything seemed so perfect.... so whole. You want to think that's the person to be with forever. However, when something happens (It usually always does) and you end up splitting apart, that affection you had for that significant other takes a LONG time to disperse. It's been almost a year since we were together, and there are times where I wonder 'What could have happened', ya know? The one sign that bugs me about it is that he has her picture. I trust his judgement if he says he's over it. There comes a point in a relationship where he'll stop even noticing her anymore - and you will be the only thing important to him. At least... that's how it worked for me. rofl.
I would say watch carefully, very carefully, I just lost a guy I was totally head over heals with to his first love, she snapped him back so quick and easy it made my head spin.
I am still getting over it, but I am. Keep your eyes open. My ex had her in his cell phone under a dif name, bought her gifts for her birthday still, and I mean nice freaken gifts! tires for her car! roses, etc.
To make a long story short, they are back together, I hated her at first, but now that I know her, she is pretty cool. He and I are ok. BUT if your gut is telling you something, listen to it, you dont have to act stupid, but watch out. Those first loves can be hazzards. I was lucky that we are all friends now, but it still is hard to see them together.
Does she call him? does he call her? WHAT DO HIS FRIENDS SAY? They will know if you have anything to worry about.
I think everybody has to watch out for their SO's first love. I think it's only natural, ya know? I never talk to my ex and I am quite independent now, but I think she will always have some power over me. Maybe that's one of the reasons I avoid her?
First loves always hold a special place in someone's heart, whether it ended amicably or hostile.
Since she doesn't seem to occupy a large place in his life, you are fine. He is with you and all indications are that you have a more close relationship than she ever did. It sounds like you want validation that you are more special.
And as long as his friendship with her is somewhat distant, more along the lines of a "be friendly when we see each other" and occassionally catch up, there is no reason for an alarm. She knows he is taken and has met you. Friendships with an ex are possible, though I only ever want to be friendly with an ex, a civil acquaintance. The important things are that your ex knows you are in a new relationship and that any interaction is transparent to your new bf/gf. Your bf treats you this way.
What you have is special and unique. Value it and let it grow.
Wow, these responses were a little more unsettling than I expected lol.
I wasn't really that worried until I read them.
Quote:
It sounds like you want validation that you are more special.
Sounds like you hit the nail on the head oppath. That is exactly what I want.
I've briefly talked to him about her, and about my feelings towards her, and he said that he never wants it brought up again, and that she dated a totally different person than I am dating.
They don't spend time together at all, they talk very rarely over the internet, and run into eachother occasionally I suppose. She's in an extremely happy relationship, and he has me.
I think the kicker is that we look nothing alike (she's tall, thin, long blonde hair, and i'm super short, small but curvy, brunette), she's leading a very successful life, and i'm still working out kinks. <== Talk about feeling like I'm trapped in her shadow.
Would it be wrong to ask him about the pictures/letters/mix cd? To let him know that they make me feel a tad uncomfortable? Or is this a bad idea? I'm just sick of seeing them!
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Past High School Sweethearts? Really Past?
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