[lilmems81]

i have been dating this girl for about 8 months now, we both live 90 miles away. i met her when i was 15 and we liked each other. 10 years later we meet up again. we started talking and then decided to date and take this relationship serious. she just recently moved about 2 months ago and lives with her cuzin and just started a new job. i would go see her on the weekends or when ever i had the chance. for me the drive is nothing. we were both into each other and i was fallin for her. but lately it seems that she is too tired to talk. she works as a waitress and gets off work late. there are times she tells me she will call me when she gets off and i get no call. the next day she tells me she fell asleep. i believe her and trust her but i dont feel comfortable with that. im always waiting by the phone for her call. it seems to me its gettin into a steady relationship. everytime we see each other she reminds me that she loves me and if for some reason we dont talk on the phone there is nothing bad going on. i dunno if im wrong but i think that being so far away we should be closer together and talk more often. but i cant force her. but when we see each other things are fine. i dunno maybe im paranoid before i was used to hearing from her 3 times a day and now its more like once. please i would really use the advice. i appreciate it.

[tanbark813]

You should plan a surprise visit soon. I'm guessing you'll be posting on the cheating board in the near future.

[purplebubbles]

Well, I don't think you should be jumping to any conclusions before you've spoken to her about this. It seems as though if things are good when you see her that that is a good sign. You probably just need to have a conversation with her about how you are feeling? Perhaps her life has just been hectic lately and she's just exhausted at the end of the evening. Or perhaps she's finding the distance hard to cope with and has decided to distance herself, it could be a number of things, but please don't do anything drastic until you've had that conversation...

[kitkat289]

I dont support any of above OPs' reasons for this gap.I've also been going through the same and it has become a pattern that mostly its me who calls and its like a surprise when I see his call on my cell.I had a 2 year LDR a nd it was really beautiful for the initial 1 and a half year and then the problems started to arise.My ex (who's still into me) used to come to see me once in 2-3months and last year he had had an internship here in my city for 3months so that we could get to know each other better.He did everything that he could do to take our relationship to the heighest levels.He even told about me to his parents(mind you,its not that common in our culture,not many families are open-minded) and always wanted to meet my mom.So he was the one who initiated everything from writing lenghty emails to me whenever he missed me,talking all the night on the weekends and calling me 2-3times a day.Everything looked like a dream for 1 year and so.He would always dream of our future and wanted me to share my dreams with him.He'd remember everything abou me from the way I ate an icecream,the way I told him something...he found everything so cute in me.When we used to have lunch he just loved to see me eating and cherished every moment he had captured of me.He's still so much into me after breaking-up that he sometimes cries like a baby.Well Iam sorry I got carried away but what I mean to say is that things have so much that its like unbelievable when I look back.
When he had lessened calling me,that was where our relationship took a turn and from there was only downhill from there.I always forgave him thinking that he might be really really busy or that he might be surrounded by friends (as he's in a hostel).Though the chemistry,romance was still there but his lack of initiating things made me feel insecure.I never knew that he could feel unsatisfied or commitment-phobic after coming such a long way.In our relationship,initially he used to be the 'giver' and only because of him I became so expressive,romantic and dreamy.You can say that he made me used to all that and this is the way our bond got strengthened.It felt like we were already married emotionally.
Iam sorry but I just couldnt stop pouring it all out here.

Coming back to the point,I feel one cant really help if the other person is behaving that way.May be you should do something special and make her remember it for long.Give her some really memorable moments with you and then just go slow and let her contact you.We need to keep the spark alive in an LDR and for that you know it better as to how you can make her feel so special so that she wants to think about u whenever she's not busy.Remember it takes more than an effort to take LDR to a higher level,count all those lovely moments you have been together and when both of you are together, spend quality time and dont get physical too early if you want this bond to get strenghened and she would be in love with you if you have enough of those wonderful memories.(keep in mind that taking the initiative is one thing and being clingy,over-doing things is another)