Very nice. It's just sad that so many people look for what they can GET out of love rather than what they can GIVE. I think that's the root of so many problems.
Thank you for the incredible post. I try explaining what true love is to some people - and they just don't get it. I heard a saying "we spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give." That goes right along with your post. My relationship has not been perfect by any means - we are both very strong people. I need to take a breath every now and then and remember that pressure gets to people and I need to be the one "opening my heart and offering support". It truly does make a difference to me and to my bf when things settle down. Thank you again for this wonderful post and I hope other really READ it!!! www.brendashoshanna.com For most people falling in love means having strong, close, warm, intoxicating feelings. When these feelings pass, (as they must) they feel that the love is gone. Nothing can be further from the truth. When these feelings pass,(or alter,as all feelings do),
that is the point at which the love can begin.
For many there is uncertainty about what love actually is. "I don't know if she's the right one," they say. Or, "I'm in love with her, but not in love." Others say, "I know I'm in love because I can't live without him. If he leaves, I'll fall apart." Others feel that being jealous and possessive means they are in love. In these cases love is confused with intoxication,excitement,attachment, dependency,
and a host of other painful feelings. This kind of love simply becomes an antidote to pain
that arises from a life that is not lived
fruitfully. These feelings arise from confusion, not only about what love truly is, and how it arises, but from who
we really are, and what life itself wants of us in order to be happy and fulfilled. When we use another person, or use the experience of being "in love", to fill the void in our own lives, that kind of love
always fails. That kind of love always brings disappointment and heartache in its
wake. It cannot be otherwise. So, what is this real love? The one that
grows and cannot be shaken? Where do we find it? We do not find it, we do it. This
kind of love grows out of deeds. It is not
a state of intoxication, but a process of
action that is ongoing and strong. It starts
with ourselves, and extends out to others. It is not that which we are hunting to receive,
but that which we are giving to others. This kind of love, which cannot fail, quite
simply, is built upon deeds of worth. When we fill our lives, and our actions towards others, with deeds of value, deeds
that we can respect -- actions towards them and ourselves that are loving, respectful,
generous, kind, love happens in that very
moment. The more actions of this kind that
we take towards others and towards ourselves
the stronger our foundation of love becomes.
No matter how the other is behaving, we can
always respond with a deed of worth -- with a kind word,a moment of forgiveness,a hug, with seeing the bigger picture. We can open our
hands and offer life to them, rather than close our hands and our hearts, clutch and confine
them in a tiny world. What are the deeds of worth you cherish?
What is it you need to receive from others
in your life? Whether or not you have received
it, are you willing to offer it anyway? If you are, you will find yourself in the
process of building a life of love that cannot be shaken, and all your relationships
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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