In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I went swing dancing last Saturday night, like usual, but this time a guy asked me for my e-mail address. I wasn't sure what to do because I hate being rude, so I gave it to him. I already have a boyfriend so I wasn't sure that I should have done it. I thought maybe he just wanted to be friends, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't have been so naive. The guy who I gave my address to, is 27. I, am 20. He's already sent me an e-mail asking when we can go out for coffee... and I'm not sure how to respond. Me and my boyfriend thought of something like, "I really don't have a lot of spare time these days, and when I do, I'm spending it with my boyfriend..." I would say this, but I feel that it's too cold. I want to tell him that I have a boyfriend but I don't want it to be rude, a complete and total rejection. Any advice??
Mentioning your BF would be rude at this point.. you did give him your email address thereby giving him the impression that you were available.
I would just shoot him an email and just explain that after giving it some thought you are not interested in going out with him.
If you don't take the hard approach at this point it could snowball seeing that you already gave him the impression you were interested in him...
In the future.. learn to respect your BF and the fact you have one and don't give out any personal info to someone who wants to date you..
Just tell them you are involved with someone and move on...
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Why would you be rude to a guy when you were the one who gave him your email, gave him the impression you were available, etc. I'd say you need to grow up a little
Why would you be rude to a guy when you were the one who gave him your email, gave him the impression you were available, etc. I'd say you need to grow up a little
Nice. She said she "didn't want to be rude". She doesn't need to "grow up", she just needs to be a bit more aggressive.
OP, ignore the advice above, and simply email the guy back, and tell him what you said here, that you already have a boyfriend but you felt uncomfortable turning him down, and he seems like a nice guy but you aren't available. Next time this happens, smile and say, "no thanks, I'm taken".
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The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nice. She said she "didn't want to be rude". She doesn't need to "grow up", she just needs to be a bit more aggressive.
OP, ignore the advice above, and simply email the guy back, and tell him what you said here, that you already have a boyfriend but you felt uncomfortable turning him down, and he seems like a nice guy but you aren't available. Next time this happens, smile and say, "no thanks, I'm taken".
I'd say it's about being assertive. She wimped out on turning him down when he first asked for her email. That part is her fault. Wizer is right, next time, just say "sorry, no thanks." You don't even have to give a reason! If he asks why not just say "sorry i'm not interested. I enjoyed dancing with you though." and leave it at that.
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"I always assumed you were taller, and built like a quarterback" -Star Gazer
I'd say it's about being assertive. She wimped out on turning him down when he first asked for her email. That part is her fault. Wizer is right, next time, just say "sorry, no thanks." You don't even have to give a reason! If he asks why not just say "sorry i'm not interested. I enjoyed dancing with you though." and leave it at that.
You're right, I did wimp out! I do need to become more aggressive so that I'm not only fair to myself but to others as well. Thanks.
Nice. She said she "didn't want to be rude". She doesn't need to "grow up", she just needs to be a bit more aggressive.
OP, ignore the advice above, and simply email the guy back, and tell him what you said here, that you already have a boyfriend but you felt uncomfortable turning him down, and he seems like a nice guy but you aren't available. Next time this happens, smile and say, "no thanks, I'm taken".
Ignoring. I like your advice as well. I should definitely be straight with him. As for next time, I will keep what you said in mind. Thanks so much.
I went swing dancing last Saturday night, like usual, but this time a guy asked me for my e-mail address. I wasn't sure what to do because I hate being rude, so I gave it to him. I already have a boyfriend so I wasn't sure that I should have done it. I thought maybe he just wanted to be friends, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't have been so naive. The guy who I gave my address to, is 27. I, am 20. He's already sent me an e-mail asking when we can go out for coffee... and I'm not sure how to respond. Me and my boyfriend thought of something like, "I really don't have a lot of spare time these days, and when I do, I'm spending it with my boyfriend..." I would say this, but I feel that it's too cold. I want to tell him that I have a boyfriend but I don't want it to be rude, a complete and total rejection. Any advice??
Be cold and rude, that's the nicest thing you can do for him. Trying to be "nice" is only you being afraid of your own guilt that you feel for turning him down. If you're vague, he might waste more time on you. If you tell him bluntly, he'll know exactly where he stands and he will give up on you. That's the right thing to do.
Just say - "I have a boyfriend, sorry, not interested in hanging out. I apologize if I misled you."
That's not rude, it's honest. If you make up BS excuses he'll try to solve the problems and continue to pester you.
Be cold and rude, that's the nicest thing you can do for him. Trying to be "nice" is only you being afraid of your own guilt that you feel for turning him down. If you're vague, he might waste more time on you. If you tell him bluntly, he'll know exactly where he stands and he will give up on you. That's the right thing to do.
Just say - "I have a boyfriend, sorry, not interested in hanging out. I apologize if I misled you."
That's not rude, it's honest. If you make up BS excuses he'll try to solve the problems and continue to pester you.
Thank you. You're advice is greatly appreciated. You're right, no BS just be honest. Got it. Thanks!
I have a confession to make. I don't think that I was very fair to you when I gave you my e-mail address at the dance. I have a boyfriend and it would be wrong of me to meet you for coffee. I felt uncomfortable turning you down when you asked for my address. You seem like a great guy and I enjoyed dancing with you, but I'm not really available. I am sorry if I misled you.
I hope you will still consider coming to the next dance.
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You think this is alright? I feel pretty good about it, at least the wording and what I wanted to get across.
I have a confession to make. I don't think that I was very fair to you when I gave you my e-mail address at the dance. I have a boyfriend and it would be wrong of me to meet you for coffee. I felt uncomfortable turning you down when you asked for my address. You seem like a great guy and I enjoyed dancing with you, but I'm not really available. I am sorry if I misled you.
I hope you will still consider coming to the next dance.
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You think this is alright? I feel pretty good about it, at least the wording and what I wanted to get across.
This is perfect.
Now you know next time to bring up the b/f, when he asked for your email address. Most guys who are only looking for a dance partner/friendship, would have clarified as such, once you did that.
There's also the other kind of guy looking for an ONS or is a predator, that wouldn't have been deterred but I'm guessing you can read the difference when someone continues to heavily flirt (body language inclusive, and compliment you, even knowing you have a b/f.
Now you know next time to bring up the b/f, when he asked for your email address. Most guys who are only looking for a dance partner/friendship, would have clarified as such, once you did that.
There's also the other kind of guy looking for an ONS or is a predator, that wouldn't have been deterred but I'm guessing you can read the difference when someone continues to heavily flirt (body language inclusive, and compliment you, even knowing you have a b/f.
Thanks. You are right, guys who just want a friend or dance partner would let me know... I hadn't thought about that. I now know that I should be more clear up front. I'll be careful of those predators too
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I like your advice as well. I should definitely be straight with him. As for next time, I will keep what you said in mind. Thanks so much.
Just kidding. Thanks for your help!!
June 8, 2010 
Hybrid Mode
