She is my close buddy’s gf.. we met some 6 yrs ago.. she was not seeing my buddy at that time but was seeing another guy.. we just hung out a few times and were just acquaintances before she left the city to attend school.. she was in school for 4 yrs and during this time we were never in touch except for one brief accidental meeting.. before she left for school there was a huge misunderstanding between us bcoz of something that I had said to my buddy in a lighter vein about an incident which was taken seriously by him as well as her..
couple of yrs ago, she returned to the city.. she had just broken up with that guy whom she was seeing for close to 7 yrs.. my buddy always wanted to be in a romantic relationship with her and was devastated when she had left for school.. so, i was happy when she came back.. they are now seeing each other since the last 2 yrs and I am really happy for the both of them..
I’m her biggest crush ever (she said that she fell for me the first time she met me).. but i've never really been attracted to her.. around an year ago, she initiated our friendship.. we slowly got to know each other and she is a wonderful person.. she told me even though what i had said 6 yrs ago had hurt her, she still loved me and also always harbored the desire to be friends with me.. she made me very comfortable and we loved each other's company.. she said with every passing day, her love towards me was increasing.. she used to plan a lot of things together.. we used to hang out a lot.. sometimes just the two of us and at other times with her bf (my buddy) and a couple of his other buddies.. she is also close to those two guys (my buddy's buddies).. our relationship was very platonic.. we used to text each other a great deal.. she showered me with a lot of love and affection.. i still remember the first time she hugged me and also the first time she gave an affectionate peck on my cheek (she initiated both the hug and the kiss)..
I’m a very emotional person.. i don’t make friends that easily.. i have few friends and i love them dearly.. i have had certain priorities and had made a conscious decision to stay out of the dating game for an year.. in the past one year she has become a very close buddy and as i haven’t been seeing anyone during this time (and also 3 of my other close friends have temporarily moved to other cities), i used to share everything with her.. but she is the kind of person who always wears a smile on her face even when she is going through tough times but never talks about it.. in the last 2 months we've hardly spent any time together and i had been complaining about it.. i give it my all to my relationships and expect the same from the other person (i know its not fair to have such expectations).. she kept telling me that she was busy with work and going through tough times and as soon as she would fix those issues she’d hang out with me more often.. but we never stopped texting each other.. during this time, she still used to still hang out with my buddy’s buddies.. and i kept complaining that she had time for everybody but me (on earlier occasions, she had categorically told me that I meant more to her than those 2 guys)
We’ve had a lot of misunderstandings in the past year and i take responsibility for most of them as i am a very sensitive person.. she has always made the effort to broker peace.. and everytime we used to patch up, we used to tell each other how much we love each other.. she has on numerous occasions said that she wanted me with her all her life.. i was supposed to live in a foreign country for a year (but i didnt go) and she had almost cried when i had told her that.. she used to say that she couldn’t believe we were friends.. she also said that she loved me as mush as she loved her parents, her dog, and her bf.. i even had an affectionate pet name for her which she simply loved..
On a weekend, around three weeks ago, she told me that she was going to hang out with my buddy’s buddies and i snapped and reminded her how i had been asking her to spend time with me and she was ignoring me.. as she had told me that she was going thru tough times, i realzed my mistake and apologized the next evening by texting her as she didn’t answer her phone when i repeatedly called her.. the next morning, i called her from another number but she disconnected the call after hearing my voice.. after a while, she called me and we spoke close to an hour.. she said certain things which made me feel that i was less important to her than my buddy’s buddies.. but she did say that i was very important to her.. i was devastated and told her that we should re-evaluate our relationship and take things slowly.. we used to text each other good morning and good night.. so i just continued with it.. she stopped responding to them 2 days after this incident.. i felt bad because of this and sent her a text message begging her to bury the past.. she was probably under a lot of stress and replied that she regretted initiating our friendship.. she spoke as though i was a psychopath… this angered me and i said things like “you don’t deserve my love”.. i sent her a lot of text messages apologizing for that but didn’t get a reply.. she finally apologized and said that she would explain things to me in a few days and i thought she was ready for a patch up which wasnt the case..
the next day i went to her workplace unannounced and waited for 2 hrs for her to get off from work.. i just wanted to tell her that i did not want an explanation from her and loved her a lot and would always be there for her.. she greeted me with a smile but said that she had to urgently go somewhere.. i told her what i wanted to.. i also told her that i wanted to hug her bcoz i felt that it would make her feel better.. she refused.. i just kissed her forehead and left.. an hour later she sent me a text again saying she regretted being my friend and me waiting for her near her workplace to say that i loved her, made her feel sick.. she also said that things would never be the same between us.. i didn’t reply to that message for an hour bcoz i knew she was stressed but i felt i deserved better.. it made me very angry and i had to vent out.. i told her she truly didn’t deserve my love and asked her not the do that same with her bf who is my close buddy.. i also told her that I would continue to love her as she is a wonderful person and our relationship had helped me grow as a person (which is true).. i also told her if in the future she changed her mind and wanted me back as her friend, i would say no.. i decided to let her go..
a week later, i started missing her and apologized once again.. i said whatever i had said and done was wrong and i could not justify those things by blaming my anger for it.. she did not reply.. i sent her an e-mail the next day apologising and explaining what her friendship meant to me.. i also sent her a few more text messages in the evening apologizing and also told her that i would stop bothering her if she told me what was it that made her regret my friendship.. she finally replied that she did not regret being friends with me but felt that even she was also partly responsible for all that had happened.. she has again asked for some space and i have decided to wait for her to get back to me bcoz i love her a lot and don't want to lose a wonderful friend like her…
Should i move on or wait for her to contact me? Can i expect her to? What should I do?
This post is really long, but i wanted to paint the complete picture so that it would help everybody to come up with suggestions.. HELP PLEASE..
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