Me and and my ex-b started dating on Thanksgiving last year, we dated for 6 months. During this time, it was bittersweet. I was deeply in love with him, but I felt he was running away from me the same time he was dating me ( the door to his heart was guarded). He broke up with me in April. The resason being that although he cared great deal about me but there was something missing. He thinks we are not a match.
For two months, we had no communication at all. I felt I lost the world during that time. While to cope with the pain, my live went on. It had to. In about the end of June, we reconnected through a mutual friend's goodbye party, I could tell he was nervous and his eyes were following me when he thought I was not paying attention.
Then silent for weeks. So I called to say hello and then he e-mail me about he wanted to take me out to celebrate my birthday. We had been e-mailing each other everyday until my birthday. He took me to my favorite restarunt. It was actually the restaurant I took him for his birthday weeks before we broke up. During my birhtday, I could feel the sparks between us. It was very remenescence and He kept mentioning things "we" did before and places "we"passed by while we were still dating. He even sliped and called me "sweetie", that was how he called me when we were still dating.
we have been speding a lot of time together ever since, every single weekend. He did a lot of things that only a boyfriend would do to a girlfriend. we shares each others plate and a cup when we eat, he will wipe things out of my face, my lip, and my hair. As time goes by, I can feel that he is the person I want to be with the rest of my life. Finally, I asked him about us and kissed him on a night when I was about to leave his place. Well, he told me he just wanted to be friend. I was heart broken but accepted it. So we still sees each other but I started accepting dates from others and even joined online dating.
Two weeks ago, he kept asking me to meet couple of his friends who travled from chicago. he has known them for 18 years. I finallly said yes to meet them. We had a blast, and he told me it was cool that I could be there becuase those friends are the people he cares about the most in his life. Everyone there was married, except us. He treated me as if I am his girlfreind. We shares meals, drinks. He even squeeze my nose in front of his buddies.
Weeks went by, we went to a festival yesterday. Some conversations occured naturally about relationship in general. The "he cared a lot about me but somthing is missing crap"came up again. I looked into his eyes and says "that missing something was you ". He didn't know how to respond and quickly changed the subject.
He also seems interested in knowing people that I went on dates with. We went to halloween party of his co-workers, someone took picture of me. The pictures were floating around in his work place for joy sharing. Couple guys ask him that "is she your girlfirend?" he said that we dated but we were just friends. Those guys then showed interested in me. He rejected them for me and saied that I am actually dating some guy.( which I am not, but I think he is not sure). He even told me how he rejected thouse guys, he said " I told them you are dating Mathews.." I did not confirm or deny; nor I have ever told him that I am dating Mathews. The truth was Mathews was a guy I went out with once but didn't continue to see.
I am reall confused and tired. I love him and still very much in love with him. But I don't want to keep this "friendship" thing going, I don't know I can take it much more. My heart aches every single time he calls me "buddy". What should I do??
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