[b0iiana]

im 13. when i was 10 or 11 i got touched by my granddad, my mum recently found out, but when she asks me what happened i clammed up and cried silent tears because we are a fighting non stop family and i am soooo not close to her, i just cant talk, she is ruining my social life, im heavily influenced by my friends, theyre mostly 14 year olds and stuff, they drink, smoke, party and do stuff with boys.. alot (theyre virgins alright!) please dont call them sluts or anything cos theyre my life. when i just turned 13, i got raped by a drunk maori and lost my virginity to him, i felt like i was a hopeless b***h because of my granddad, family and now this, so i sunk deeper and deeper into depression and f**ked alot of guys because i felt useless... my dad and older brother (18) hit me and my little brother (11) alot, i try to hit them back or defend myself but im usually on the ground and its very hard, now im deeply depressed and get bullied at school for being a "slut".. no adult out of my family knows about the violence. no adult at all knows about the rape, my mum sort of knows about granddad. please dont say counselling, cops or anything like that because im too f**king scared to do anything like that! i hate every adult in the world except for somebody i was so f**king close to but now she is in malaysia! please help me, i cant live like this anymore, i will seriously kill myself or worse!

[riobikini]

The fear will be replaced by the consolation of being protected, B -your protection is critical.

There is somebody you can talk to (an adult) -you only need look around you- and you'll see him or her.

Suicide is definately not the answer -reaching out to that "someone" is the first step to changing your circumstances for the better.

You are not "locked in" or trapped as you think or feel.

You have to tell someone you think you can trust -and it should be an adult with the correct type of authority and power to help.

As in all these cases there's this "little" issue of trust right now -I suspect you believe there is no one you can trust- or that there is no one who will ease you through this without sacrificing your privacy.

It's often just that -the thought of people knowing about your abuse that can keep you from seeking help that you need.

Don't let those thoughts keep your abusive situation ongoing.

There's liberation, freedom and healing waiting for you after you tell.

Intimidation, fear and shame are your worst enemies -all a product of the abuse and bullying you have gone through.

They are only conquered by taking that first step and telling the right "someone" you believe you can trust and allowing them to take the ball and run with it.

Teachers and school counselors aren't bad choices when selecting a person to tell about abuse.

They'll walk you through the next steps you need to take and be a security blanket to protect you and comfort you.

You really have nothing to fear -the feelings you have are, of course, real -but by telling about your abuse and continuing through the process of healing you'll begin to feel less and less afraid.

I urge you to do this.

Post here as you like -no 13 year old -or absolutely anyone- should have to carry the burden of such abuse.

Begin the process.

You deserve so much better.

-Rio