I posted a few months ago about a co worker that I had snogged a couple of times when drunk. I was his boss at the time and he has a girlfriend. The advice was spot on - don't continue - and I didn't.
Since then I managed to get him promoted, via a friend, away from my area of work, different building etc - and can honestly say have got over the crush. However, I was out this evening with the friend he now works for who told me that my previous object of lust got engaged to his girlfriend when he started this new job - over a month ago. I have seen this guy as a friend many times since then (no snogs, no nothing, just mates)
Why has he not told me he is engaged? I am now questioning what has become - what I thought - a lovely friendship.
Confused. Why can't he talk to me about this. Is he is worried about hurting me, or is he keeping me hanging on, in which case, has our friendship been a lie.
Hi PandorasBox
She must have definitely known I was his boss for a time. But I am sure she does not know about the drunken snogs. But how shallow am I. Upset by him not telling me, when she is the one who has been betrayed. But is a drunken snog betrayal? I know I'm no angel, just don't know whether to knock this friendship on the head. Does the fact that this is his fifth engagement add anything to this thread?
Does the fact that this is his fifth engagement add anything to this thread?
*Yes, it should say something about his commitment to others. I would imagine that maybe he feels no need to tell you of the engagement. Maybe he felt you would find out about it anyway.
*Just wish the both of them the best, and be done.
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"If you want a quick response with alot of responses, post about sex, cheating, porn or political views, or gossip. Watch the responses roll in."
Pretty much what I am going to do JackJack - thank you.
One wrinkle that I wouldn't mind thoughts on. It is my birthday on Monday and I have already invited him. I can't disinvite cos that just looks churlish and makes a big deal of something that really shouldn't be. As I said, my hurt is that I thought we were friends, not that he has got engaged.
Should I tell him that I know or leave it be and just enjoy myself with the many other friends that will be there.
I'd just leave it be for now. If/when he tells you, just say that you heard, and congrats. If he doesn't, there's not much a friendship there anyway, and you're not losing much. I'd say he's worried about his fiancee finding out about all the drunken snogging...
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When you were yourself it tasted sweet
But it sours into a routine deceit
Well this drama is a bore
And I don't want to play no more - Third Eye Blind
Why does it matter? Should he be telling you everything about his life? Should he tell you he likes it better when she's on top?
It's a person's choice of what information they choose to share with others. Perhaps he doesn't think of you as THAT close of a friend to be sharing his life story.
Quote:
As I said, my hurt is that I thought we were friends, not that he has got engaged.
I'm calling bull5hit on that. If you really only saw him as a friend, you'd say "I didn't know that" and just move on with your life. But if it's bothering you so much that you need to post about it on a message forum, then you're not really over him, are you?
Do yourself a favor and cut off your friendship with him. It's obviously still bothering you, and you'll get over him much better without being in constant contact with him.
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I totally agree that he doesn't have to tell me everything that is going on in his life and have said the same myself.
However you are totally wrong about me not being over him, I am. And he does consider me a close friend - he's told me I am his best friend, he is a shy guy and does not have the same social life as I do. We have both helped each other over some difficult patches over the past year and become very close.
Also, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to post on LS with a genuine curiosity question. Thanks for the tip. Next time I'll make sure I'm lying and talking bull5hit to suit your sensitivities.
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